welcome welcome everybody to The Late Show I am your host Stephen Colbert folks
tomorrow this being Wednesday as we all know tomorrow is Thanksgiving it's a special time
when we gather with family and friends to share our gratitude through America's
traditional expression of love the food coma this year your Thanksgiving might look a little
different because prices are up on almost everything from frozen pie crusts to pumpkin
pie mix to a dozen dinner rolls well there goes my favorite dessert a dozen dinner rolls
these high prices are caused by a variety of factors including the Warren Ukraine
High fuel prices but the number one factor according to experts is Hunter Biden's laptop
but it's not just the supporting players it's also the star of the
show Tom Turkey in addition to inflation a blight
of avian flu means that Thanksgiving 2022 is shaping up to be a tough one for turkey
to be fair I'm pretty sure every Thanksgiving is a tough one for turkey even sure why not
a little Applause before and meet the red even if you can get your hands on some of that dry
cloth flavored meat it will likely be much smaller than you're used to because some turkeys may not
have had the full amount of time to get the 20 pounds before Thanksgiving oh so turkey is that
friend now oh I'm just so little no matter what I eat grain berries Regional grasses I'm like
I'm drowning in this waddle it's so annoying I'm jealous you eat anything and get fat [Applause]
the shortage has become so dire that Arby's and this is true is warning customers that
turkey sandwiches are not available and is posted temporarily out of stock on menu
boards forcing them to change their slogan from we have the meats to want a cup of Horsey Sauce
of course kinda I kind of do the day after you've shared your meal with family and friends
it's time for the next tradition trampling them at Best Buy for a pair of bluetooth headphones
because it's Black Friday well most of Black Friday sales come from big businesses we here
at the Late Show have been trying our best to support the little guys out there since the
very beginning of the pandemic we have worked to give independently owned companies a boost
with the hashtag Colbert small Biz bump and have highlighted them dozens of them here on
the show The response has been tremendous just listen to the owners of pruce pets in Lansing
Michigan after we mention their store on this show hi guys it's Kirby from proof pets if you
haven't heard there's something really cool we were featured Bruce pets was featured on
Stephen Colbert Sean and I had planned to go live today and do a creative video for small Biz bump
um my bump had other plans I'm now dilated to three centimeters and was sent home to
do nothing but take baths and this is my own self prescription if you haven't tried Ben and Jerry's
Minter Wonderland it's like the best ice cream on the planet I'm gonna sign off now and continue
laboring and have a baby just to be clear that is wonderful wow that's so one it's beautiful to hear
but just to be clear getting the Colbert small Biz bump does not cause pregnancy that I know of
this video of course is very touching and I hope everything went well but I do have one small
issue your ice cream Choice come on next baby you have ditch that bucket of sludge and administer
a massive dose of Stephen Colbert's American Dream right there uh come on boom right there
oh oh my Lord
it is so good it's basically an epidural
in fact our slogan is americone dream one bite and you could yank a cantaloupe out of there
that's true really that's what they say [Laughter] [Applause]
nothing like a massive dose of dairy when you're doing a monologue nice since then we've gotten
videos from other businesses that could use a bit of a boost like this one from latigre men's store
and San Juan Puerto Rico Hello Steven welcome to San Juan Puerto Rico and welcome to latigre
so Stephen latiger is Puerto Rico's Premier destination for custom clothing and Italian
Collections and although we sell luxury items and high quality Goods we're still a small business
so past year has been really challenging for us as well you know what else last year when
you told Abby your measurements for a birthday present we made a shirt just for you and we even
put your initials to the shirt well I'm happy to say I got the shirt from La Tigre and it's
absolutely it's absolutely beautiful they're the initials and everything
uh unfortunately due to the stress of the last couple of years my measurements have evolved
I am not at Liberty to discuss whether they've gone up or down let's just say this will be
perfect for someone who shares my initials but has not been pounding pints of American Dream
Mel have this have us given to a wife
we've heard from so many great businesses that deserve the bump but there was one in Cleveland
Ohio that really caught our eye here we are at fine points in Cleveland Ohio my
name is Liz tikis and I'm the owner we have a huge selection of yarn we support independent
Dyers we have a lot of hand-dyed and hand-painted Yarns you can see here we have hundreds of buttons
some people just come here for the buttons so again this is litigas from Pine points in
Cleveland Ohio and I hope you'll come and see us soon that got me excited about fine points
and I I wanted to get other people excited about it too and if there's one thing that
the fine slate of programming here at CBS has shown is that nothing gets people more excited
than the release of a brand new NCIS franchise but how could we harness that to help find points
take a look listen up agents congratulations you have solved all the Navy related crimes
in Los Angeles which means we have transferred the entire NCIS unit welcome to Cleveland Ohio
unbelievable he left us all the clues yeah yeah there's still one mystery
where do they get this yarn
[Applause]
Kenzie come here someone's died it's fabric it's hand dyed by independent Dyers
cylinders as mayor of Cleveland I must address the gruesome crime wave spreading across our city
damn it knitting needles we believe the crochet killer is on the loose again
look at what he did to the victim's face
that is an incredible selection of buttons
we must determine where he gets these amazing knitting slash murder supplies
check out the hyper diagnostic images of a needle okay enhance double enhance [Music] reflection
convert still image into video
from fine points in Cleveland Ohio fine points
sorry agents but I think you've lost the thread
[Music]
thank you Drew Carey everyone at NCIS Los Angeles and of course Liz tikas and
everyone at fine points Cleveland I hope it helps move some yarn we
got a great show tonight my guests are Jake Gyllenhaal and star of the
crown Elizabeth to Mickey but when we come back meanwhile join us won't you
foreign [Music] [Applause]