what if the board game jumongi was
evil wait it was pretty evil wasn't it
uh what if is in a really weak horror
movie open grav so is open grav the name
of the board game in this movie no it's
called Mamba open grav is what one of
the spaces on the game is called well
that's pretty dumb but maybe it works
cuzz it also has a lot to do with actual
open
Graves no why would I ask myself that
man I'm
stupid so in Spain in 1485 a woman
screamed books burned and a guy held a
board game over a fire thanks for that
backstory movie I feel so filled in now
so that seem was definitely
necessary to the present we get stupid
music and Ian Stone and another one of
his [ __ ] lies he must have slipped on
a banana peel in his hockey life and
appears in surfing Life [ __ ] I hope
you weren't making an ass out of me over
there oh this movie is so assy ha moving
on just a typical American she's
American huh I'm turned on by any girl
as long as she's American oh and she's
Elijah duu he stands there and stares
like a creep and so Begins the love [ __ ]
so what do you make of him I'd swear
he's been skinned the life thanks
detective obvious what would we do
without about you I want to P like you
don't have enough oh no
dragonflies tear off its arms poot size
see what happens it's
Voodoo I don't believe that
[ __ ] it's fancy
trick don't you dare make fun of my
lighter doll dragon fly oh
no Freak Show seem like a nice guy let
me make it up to you wow this must be a
genuine offer freak Show you seem like a
nice guy some old game called mamba
mamba mamba that's what he
said okay this came from the Spanish
Inquisition nobody expects the Spanish
Inquisition I bet that if if you look at
it close enough it says made in
China it's funny both of you very funny
don't make fun of my G name as given
because some guy stared at me this is
serious am I interrupting something I
didn't know you were here I had to seek
you out cuz you stared at me on the
beach I'm Erica Jason Jason beer you
want a beer no sit down this is awward
and makes no sense what have we
here Mamba oh she didn't see that
pointless so the best friend Tomas is
fooling around with both these women
it's a nice little subplot that goes
nowhere but it shows us Tomas is a [ __ ]
so lame guys what are we like 10 years
old no come on you guys I want to play
no come on you guys I want to act anyway
more friends have now shown up because
they heard a mystery board game was
being played jeez I wonder if they
showed up so we could have a higher body
count so it's a lot like craps it's like
Blackjack yes it's just like those
except it's a board game and not at all
like
those dramatic slow motion dance
roll
why nine open Graves that's good you
take a card the salamander leaves in Two
Worlds unlike the Horny Toad something
honest from the sea will greet you by
the road you mean I'm out yeah you're
done thanks this sucks silly drives out
and pulls over by the Road for no reason
a dragonfly comes and pushes him off the
edge you know since the game's called
Mamba it really makes sense that there's
a constant dragonfly thing going on here
so oh no that character we just met 2
minutes ago died or did he he survived
the fall but some honest CGI crabs come
and finish him off this game isn't even
Jumanji in a horror movie it's the cheap
knockoff board game that kills you hey
Mom did you hit me ji sorry honey we
couldn't afford it but we got you Mamba
it supposedly kills you too it's just
cards too they could set the deck before
playing we're thrown into The Cauldron
but amazingly you float you may continue
playing but don't forget your goat I
didn't know you had a goat oh there are
a lot of things you don't know about me
of course there is you just met today so
anyway the r get their Death Cards up
from the earth that dreams coming true
sweet venomous kisses annihilate you
there are two sides to the mirror my
friend when the bright side turns on you
the black side takes you in yesterday
was shown through tomorrow's yet unknown
wishes of a star you are smoke ascending
very far V victus are you kidding me
let's read that card right now he who
has eyes but cannot see must lie with
the worms and feed the trees
accept Erica and Jason cuz they have
main character immunity so they get
interrupted by detective obvious and
stop
playing oh sorry I'm so torn over that
guy it's really nice you to come I
thought I should after all we played a
board game together once so right away
she believes that the game killed him is
there anything honest about crabs well
sort of they this Primal Force you know
these mindless things driven by
Instinct oh [ __ ] she's right anyway some
of the other twits shoot an awesome
photo shoot it's obviously professional
as he gets in right close and shoots
upwards so I he keep keeps getting as a
bad angle silhouette smile and
apparently her ass Smiles but then a
dragonfly gets her I'm just not feeling
well damn those deadly
dragonflies oh yeah you really took a
picture like that and dumbass actually
gets attacked by CGI snakes you mean
Mamba doesn't just refer to CGI
dragonflies Jo Mony is anything from the
movie actually work cool and yeah this
is the only time snakes are sent out
clad it'ss called Mamba anyway to really
set a creepy mood we get
this like we don't know what we're
trying to do in this movie looking for
ideas for Halloween his death is funny
oh wait yeah it is so they drive over
the dust ghosts of their friends on the
road
you saw that right yeah it was totally
pointless the mama game was fabricated
from the skin and bones of a witch named
Mamba masamba possessions of the game
soon became the obsession of the greedy
and desperate due to its reputed ability
to Grant the heart's desire of one who
plays and wins hapless losers however
face the Twisted Fates assigned to them
by the game Squad trains have you found
a mysterious Supernatural board game
just look it up on the internet it'll
have all the answers that must have been
where they got their playing
instructions as well Jason tries to burn
it but it gives him a nose bed and
that's apparently the end of that for
the
day so Lisa's card about the black side
meant turn her old yeah these cards are
just getting a little vague now toas
told me about this game you played it's
called Mamba I need to have a look at
that game wow detective obvious believes
in the game right away that probably
means he's looked it up on the internet
and one the wish a dragonfly appears on
the IV and she smushes as they try to
resuscitate nice they go back to the
story where you got the game but it's
completely empty oo spooky but they just
go and ask for the owner's address and
go see him there's something different
about you man you get a haircut wait you
have legs now wait a minute it worked
didn't it what are you talking about you
know what I'm talking about the game it
worked you got your wish he tries to to
kill them for um asking about
it so a dragonfly causes an oil track to
pull over and twit girl has plenty of
time to see that but her cell phone call
is too important to pay one bit of
attention to the
road and she died where didd you get the
game my brother we play too he
lost I guess I should have wished for
him to come back but I wanted my X more
they were really close so then why why'
you give me this thing anyway I had to
pass it along to someone or I wouldn't
get my wish more pointless dust ghosts
got to finish this game if I win I get a
wish and I'd wish to undo all this [ __ ]
but detective obvious obviously wants
the game but Tomas yells run go go so
Erica and Jason get away and finish the
game Erica loses something's going to
happen to me in the ocean but Jason wins
and I'll hold my surprise I wish it was
a week ago and we had never played this
game yes don't just wish that the game
never existed or anything we your wish
in the stupidest way possible I don't
see anything going wrong with that one
you want to see your friend alive you
give me that goddamn game oh well that
works out anyway cuz we have to give it
to is this what your card
said I'm so smart I'll just kill my b
marketing chip and hope they show up
anyway didn't work they're all still
dead of course they are you asked for it
to be a week ago not for them to be
alive again the wish won't come true
until the game is over what you talking
about the game's already over not until
it takes me come on Erica have a little
faith look everyone died in the order
that they were eliminated from the game
and I'm next well that wouldn't have
mattered if he hadn't have worded his
wish in the most asinine manner possible
so he throws the game Into The Ocean cuz
they are apparently too stupid to
remember the Give It Away part also I
don't know why that wouldn't make him
nose bed again so during the night Jason
wakes up and Erica is apparently
drowned wow dying off screen and
inappropriate music playing don't try to
make this too meaningful m washes ashore
just as detective dick loock shows up to
ask for the game the evil bastard wants
to bring his family back was it worth
the life of my friend any last words
juman because the game is now
transferred the detective see something
weird in the ocean and just decides to
leave the movie now making him
completely useless except for someone to
give the game away to
what the [ __ ] is that it's dragonfly
Erica
wites don't you I'm here to Grant your
wish I've already made my wish it seems
a
waste I grant you that you'll be right
back to where you started no better ah
so even the witch mamb is good enough to
point out how stupid that wish is that's
really nice of her give him a chance to
reink that stupid no I I
I I made my wish I wish it was a week
ago and I never played this game I I
want to do
everything you know if Erica was the
witch shouldn't lagman have recognized
her when they interrogated him or was
only Jason special enough to get this
visit because his wish was so stupid so
Jason wakes up and the movie starts
again well this has been an evening to
remember
why I
forgot we get it he's put himself in a
Time
Loop we get it all right all right all
right come on here we go we get it Jason
is a dumbass that'd be like me instead
of just wishing I'd never seen this
movie saying I wish I could go back in
TI before I start this review and before
I watch this movie with no knowledge
that it's already happened before so
it'll most certainly play it exactly the
same way again again okay fyis are you
sure that's your wish what Punky where
are you here I'm not Punky I'm the witch
M why do you look like Punky then that's
a really silly question no it isn't was
Punky the witch mamb all along or you
just looking like her for the fun of it
also so a silly question anyway fais are
you really sure you want to make such a
stupid wish oh well it seems like so
such a good idea okay
then what is being
sarcastic what if the board game Jumanji
was evil did you guys get it yet he's
doing the review again like he doesn't
know what happened
he's funny because he's
stupid he doesn't look too friendly
these monsters seem so fake my nerves
are going to break failers don't let me
down you need to be around grab the
running one up and blast that sing a new
one at this movie
sh fa of fa
ring
and I don't care how now you sound fa of
fa what's your opinion about
what the [ __ ] is
that it's not funny is what it is [ __ ]
you
fais a