Like Aaron said, my name is Spence
and it's just Spence
like, I'm not a Spencer.
I'm not trying to be uptight about it.
Like, I'm not some obnoxious person.
Who's like
I've now become a
nomenclature minimalist.
Please respect my values
and just call me Spence.
Also I don't eat gluten.
Like, I'm not that person.
I hate that person.
(audience laughing)
So annoying.
My parents really did,
they named me just—
they named me just Spence.
Like, they wanted that to be
one of my battles in life.
I guess just being Spence
instead of Spencer.
They did make my
middle initial R though
just to make it super confusing.
(audience laughing)
I guess they just wanted
to mess up any special occasion
I might be a part of and
it's worked pretty well.
Like, I was getting married
this one time, and the guy
the guy marrying us was like, "Spencer
"do you take this woman?"
So I had to jump in and interrupt him.
I had to stop it right?
They interrupted my own wedding
to be like, oh, sorry
sir. It's actually, it's just Spence,
but then he got all miffed.
Like, I just jumped in to tell him
you know my friends call me Cooter,
and like, now he decides
this is going to be like some
big teaching moment for him.
He's like, "Well, Spencer
"when it's a special occasion,
"we like to use your full name."
So I was like, oh, okay,
well I guess let's use Spence then
(audience laughing)
and like that
pissed him off even more.
Now he's looking over at my parents
like expecting them to come
over and spank me for being insolent
and my mom's like,
"We did name him that, we're silly!"
and he's like, "Well, that's stupid."
And then he married us,
and you know what?
Didn't work out.
I'm pretty sure it's
because of his bad attitude and
(audience laughing)
nothing I might've
done that's for sure.
What did you think
was going to happen?
He's like, "Spence,
"you may now kiss the bride
"and my butt."
(audience laughing)
Those aren't till death do us part vows.
Those are tell a little over
four years do us part vows
and that's about,
that was exactly how long it lasted,
so yeah, you can't just run around
having a bad attitude
and expect it to
not affect other people.
Our attitudes,
affect the people around us.
They do like, that's why
I think it's important.
We should all try
and have a good one.
Like, if attitudes are contagious—
like, an attitude is like a cold,
'cause if you've got a super bad one,
drugs help a ton.
(audience laughing)
Talk to your doctor.
(audience laughing)
Ask him about your
bad attitude and/or cough
you'd be amazed at what
prescription cough medicine can do
for your attitude.
Really helps. I think that
our attitudes are important.
Like, I think now more than ever
everyone hates each other
we should try and be
a little more chipper.
Like our good attitudes
make a difference,
'cause like—so like this other time
I was getting married
and this other time
I was getting married and that guy
had a great attitude.
He showed up in a yellow Jeep
with flames on it.
He painted himself and
they were good flames.
I think it was—it was impressive
and that guy was like, "Spencer,
"do you take this woman?"
So I did—I did stop him
and then I remembered
what happened last time.
I was like, you know what,
why do I want to
why do I want to bring this guy down
with—you know
like the correct information,
so when he's like,
"What is it Spencer?"
It's like, you know, it's your attitude.
I love it
and he was like, "Well thank you."
And then he married us.
Paraphrasing some of that,
but that's how it went
and you know what,
10 years later still married.
(audience applauding)
Pretty sure it's because of
his great attitude, because
at this point I can not
think of any other reason.
(audience laughing)
In the morning
I wake up and you look
over and like, Kelly,
why are we still doing this?
This is hard
and she's like, "I don't know.
"The guy with the Jeep.
"Remember with the flames
"that he painted
"that were so good?"
I'm like, oh yeah, those were good
flames. Okay, let's keep going.
Lets keep it going.
Good attitudes make a difference.
Like, we wouldn't want to split up
and have him find out
about it
and then next thing you know,
there's some yellow Jeep with
a sad raincloud painted on it.
We didn't want that
on our conscience,
so we're still married.
I think—I think we're still married
I'm not sure if we ever were married,
'cause does it count
if it's not your name
on the marriage certificate?
(audience laughing)
I'm not sure,
because like on my
marriage certificate,
that is not my name.
I'm not sure if I've got
a marriage certificate or
like a get out of jail free card,
because it's like
you're looking at,
you're like, oh, let's see.
Ooh
huh. Oh wow.
That is—that was not me here,
so I should probably go.
(audience laughing)
Sorry about the confusion
(audience laughing)
and the kids.
Could you watch them for me?
(audience laughing)
You should applaud
bureaucratic errors.
It's applause worthy.
It's okay.
Wow.
(audience laughing)
You realize I did just
compare my marriage
to jail and I want to be clear.
I'm not one of those guys
that's like, oh, I'm married.
I feel trapped.
Like, I'm in jail.
Like, I don't feel trapped
because I'm married.
Just super unhappy.
(audience laughing)
Like if I were in jail, probably
(audience laughing)
don't worry guys.
My wife she's unhappy too.
I guess it's one of
those things that we have
in common and it's helped
keeping us together.
(audience laughing)
I think it's important
in a relationship to
have things in common
and that's one of ours.
(audience laughing)
Obviously. I'm kidding.
My wife and I, we are super,
super in love
on Facebook.
(audience laughing)
Our marriage is so good on Facebook.
It's like picture perfect on Facebook.
Like, it's just like us
like sexy leaning against
a condemned building.
Look at us, we still got it.
We're like the fire passion
burns bright with us.
Good thing this building
is full of asbestos
or like—just like we're married,
wearing matching t-shirts
and holding hands
on an old train bridge.
Also that way we can get
likes from people we hate.
(audience laughing)
Like, if you're married and
not getting tons of likes
what are you even doing?
What a waste of time.
I like the comments too.
Like, awe you two look so happy
and we were,
'cause we were about to jump.
(audience laughing)
Like, it was all going to end,
but then my wife's like,
"Well, what about the kids?"
I'm like the kids.
I thought that's why we were jumping
and then it turned into
a whole big thing.
Oh boy.
I don't really think that my parents
were trying to make things
harder for me
by naming me just Spence.
As I think that I was born
and they were looking at me
and they're like, awe, look at him.
He looks just like a Spencer, but lazier.
We should probably name him
just Spence.
I don't see him writing
the whole thing out.
Well, we should have
another baby right away.
This one's making me super sad
and they did.
My younger brother
10 months younger than me
(audience laughing)
and now he is a ER doctor.
He's a doctor.
My parents are pretty proud of him.
Like, wow we made the right decision.
You know what and they're happy
and that's what's important to me.
I don't need their love.
It'd be nice,
but you know,
I've learned to live without it.
No
they're very—they hide their shame.
You're doing a thing that you like.
That's great.
(audience laughing)
You're saving so much time
with your shorter name though
right? Like yeah.
(audience laughing)