♪ ♪
>> Greg: IS IT LAME TO CHANGE
HER NAME JUST TO AVOID BLAME?
FACEBOOK CEO MARK ZUCKERBERG,
A.K.A. SHAVED TERRIBLE HEAD, HAS
ANNOUNCED HIS COMPANY WILL BE
REBRANDING ITSELF "META."
HE SAID IT’S ALL ABOUT ALIGNING
WITH HIS VIRTUAL REALITY VISION
FOR THE FUTURE, WHICH HE
DETAILED IN A 90 MINUTE VIDEO
THIS WEEK.
WE NOW PAUSED TO WATCH ALL
90 MINUTES -- GO [LAUGHTER]
WITH NO INTERRUPTIONS.
>> IT IS TIME FOR US TO ADOPT A
NEW COMPANY BRAND TO ENCOMPASS
EVERYTHING THAT WE DO.
TO REFLECT WHO WE ARE AND WHAT
WE HOPE TO BUILD, I AM PROUD TO
ANNOUNCE THAT STARTING TODAY,
OUR COMPANY IS NOW "META."
>> Greg: HE SO COMPLETELY
RELATABLE.
THAT IS MET UP, LIKE HE’S NEVER
MET A FELLOW HUMAN BEING BEFORE
BEFORE.
HE SAYS RELATABLE -- IT’S TRUE.
HE SAYS RELATABLE AS BRINGING
SILLY STRING TO A FUNERAL.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT HE IS.
HE SAYS THE NEW META-NAME WILL
BETTER ENCOMPASS WHAT THEY DO.
META COMES FROM THE GREEK WORD
MEANING BEYOND.
YES LADIES, I AM BILINGUAL.
PLUS, I SPEAK TWO LANGUAGES.
YOU CAN’T HELP BUT WONDER IF
IT’S A RESPONSE TO ALL THE BAD
PRESS FACEBOOK HAS BEEN GETTING
LATELY.
ALEC BALDWIN HAS HAD A BETTER
WEEK.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
WE NEED MORE OF ZUCKERBERG
PICKING OUT AN OUTFIT.
>> IT HAS AN INCREDIBLY
INSPIRING VIEW OF WHAT EVER YOU
FIND MOST BEAUTIFUL.
>> HEY, ARE YOU COMING?
>> YEAH, I JUST HAVE TO FIND
SOMETHING TO WEAR.
ALL RIGHT, PERFECT.
SPEW ON, PERFECT.
LET’S HAVE SOME MORE OF THIS.
>> SPEAKING OF FITNESS, I THINK
IT’S TIME FOR MY WORKOUT.
A LOT OF YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY
USING THIS TO STAY FIT.
IT LETS YOU WORK OUT AND
COMPLETELY NEW WAYS.
IT’S KIND OF LIKE APPELLATE
TONGUE, BUT INSTEAD OF A BIKE
YOU JUST HAVE YOUR VR HEADSET
AND WITH IT YOU CAN DO ANYTHING
FROM BOXING LESSONS, SWORD
FIGHTING, AND EVEN DANCING.
>> Greg: EVEN DANCING BUT HE
REMINDS ME OF A ROBOT, BUT
WITHOUT THE.
KAT, IS THIS JUST PROVE HE
DOESN’T HAVE ANY FRIENDS?
>> YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT ITS
PROOF OF.
BECAUSE HE IS VERY, VERY RICH.
WHAT YOU WOULD THINK -- YOU
WOULD THINK YOU COULD DO
SOMETHING ABOUT BEING LIKE THAT.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT MONEY
COULD BUY MORE THAN IT REALLY
CAN.
YOU KNOW?
YOU COULD GET A COACH, BE LIKE
HUMANS, DON’T DO THAT.
BUT YOU CAN’T.
I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND.
ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD AND
YOU COME UP WITH "META."
THAT IS WHAT EVERYBODY’S COME UP
WITH AFTER A COUPLE.
WHATEVER THOSE ARE.
>> Greg: IF I WERE METAMUCIL,
I WOULD SUE HIM.
AMANDA, YOU ARE A FILMMAKER.
LET’S SAY -- DOESN’T THIS REMIND
YOU OF THE MICHAEL CREIGHTON
MOVIE DISCLOSURE?
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT MOVIE?
>> YES, BUT IT’S SO MUCH
CREEPIER THAN ANYTHING PEOPLE SO
FAR HAVE ACTUALLY CREATED IN
ORDER TO BE CREEPY.
THE DYSTOPIAN FUTURE OF JUST
WATCHING THAT, I ALREADY WANT
OUT.
I’M DONE, I’M OUT.
BUT THE THING THAT’S REALLY
WEIRD ABOUT IT, THE SOCIAL MEDIA
COMPANIES THINK THEY ARE GOING
TO BE MOVING TOWARDS THIS
META-VR WORLD BEER MIGHT WANT TO
STOP SPAMMING PEOPLE ALL THE
TIME AND CENSORING THEM,
BECAUSE BASICALLY WHAT IS GOING
TO ENTICE ANYONE TO GET INTO
THIS WEIRD VR WORLD WHERE THEY
ARE JUST GOING TO BE LIKE, YOU
CAN COME INTO THE VR WORLD, JUST
SIT HERE AND BE QUIET.
I’M GOOD.
I CAN’T CONNECT WITH ANYBODY
ANYWAY, SO WHY WOULD I DO THIS?
YEAH, IT’S A A LITTLE CRAZY.
>> Greg: IF YOU GET CANCELED
IN THIS WORLD, YOU GET CANCELED
IN THE NEXT.
WELL DONE.
SPEAKING OF FILMMAKERS...
>> Greg: IT’S ALL IN HERE.
>> ZUCKERBERG IS WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF THE ROBOT FROM SMALL
WONDER TRANSITIONED.
>> Greg: THAT’S GOOD, THAT’S
VERY GOOD.
WHO DOESN’T REMEMBER VICKI?
>> WHAT I FIND SO FASCINATING
ABOUT THIS IS HELD WITH A
STRAIGHT FACE THEY’RE NOT
ACKNOWLEDGING WHY THE REBRAND IS
HAPPENING. IT’S HAPPENING BECAUSE THE
IT’S HAPPENING BECAUSE THE
BRANDING IS TEXT TOXIC.
HE KNOCKED UP THE STEWARDESS.
THEY JUST WANT TO REBRAND AND
START FROM SCRATCH.
WHICH BY THE WAY, IF NO ONE IS
DOING ANYTHING ON SUNDAY, MY
WIFE AND I ARE GETTING MARRIED.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THAT’S ALL THIS IS, IT’S A
RESET.
AND WHAT’S FUNNY IS THEY ARE NOT
ACKNOWLEDGING WHY THE RESET --
IT’S BECAUSE EVERYBODY ON THE
LEFT IS NOT BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T
CENSOR CONSERVATIVES ENOUGH.
THIS IS A DECLARATION THAT
THERE’S MORE COMING.
I HATE HIM, I’M SORRY.
>> Greg: ROBBIE, YOU ARE GOING
TO BE THE BENEFACTOR OF MY FURY,
WHICH IS THAT IF ZUCKERBERG IS
CREATING A SIMILE SHOULD WOULD
BE A MOMENT IN TIME WHERE THAT
SIMULATION YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO
CREATE ANOTHER SIMULATION.
AND IF YOU COULD SIMULATE IN A
FORWARD DIRECTION, WHAT DOES
THAT TELL US ABOUT THE
BACKWARD -- THAT WE ARE A
SIMULATION QUESTION MY KEYS
CREATING A SIMULATION AND
STIMULATION, SIMULATIONS ALL THE
WAY DOWN.
I’M NOT HIGH, I DO BELIEVE I
HAVE WITH THE STOMACH FLU, WHICH
COULD BE MAKING ME CRAZY.
>> MAY BE A GLITCH IN THE MATRIX
MATRIX.
SOME KIND OF A --
>> Greg: THOUGHT OR DIARRHEA.
>> IT’S LIKE HE’S DESCRIBING
THIS IS HOW YOU WILL BE
FITNESS -- ARE YOU PIVOTING TO
REAL LIFE?
ARE YOU INVENTING THE OPPOSITE
THE OPPOSITE?
GOING ABOUT YOUR DAY.
>> Greg: HE’S COMING AROUND TO
GO OUTSIDE.
>> I KNOW HOW TO DO THAT
ALREADY.
BUT IT IS FUNNY THAT JUST LIKE
JIMMY SAID, HE HAD REPUBLICANS,
DEMOCRATS, ONE.
EVERY POLITICAL FIGURE MAD AT
THIS COMPANY WANTS 2 OUT OF
EXISTENCE.
I JUST THINK, WHY?
IT’S DONE, IT’S OVER.
IT’S A DYING STAR.
IT WILL NEVER COMMEND THE
POLITICAL, SOCIAL, AND CULTURAL
SIGNIFICANCE THAT IT DID A FEW