Hi!
Ha ha ha ha!
We’re so funny!
I'm Jessica Marie Garcia,
and thank you for joining us again
here on our sketch comedy show
Go Off!
I’m Julissa Calderon
and we got another dope show for you.
See how we dressed?
We came to bring it for you,
you know what I’m saying?
Bring it, bring the noise, bring the funk!
Bring the FUN!
Speaking of fun:
I have a little reunion
with one of my faves this episode.
Gadiel Del Orbe, who's a guest on our show
this week! I am SO excited!
LOVE him!
I think it's going to be great.
You think it’s going to be great?
-I think it’s going to be great.
- Let’s do this. - Let’s go.
Let's GO OFF!!!
Yo, Las Encinas High School
in the Netflix show Elite is wild
to say the least.
No for real, for real, for real.
I don't remember there
being cocaine and threesomes
at my high school.
And I'm from Miami.
Oh, I'm from Orlando, they do that.
Or maybe they didn't tell me...
Yeah, they didn’t invite you...
It was going on.
They knew what it was.
Well, the show has some new foreign exchange studentsc
from the Gunshine State
this semester, and
even though their Spanish may be broken,
the spirit of those chongas
is not.
Chongalicious.
Chongaaa.
- Hey, everybody. - What's up, España?
Do you want to introduce yourself to the class?
Oh yeah yeah yeah, =sure.
I'm Jenny. I’m a Gemini with a Virgo Moon and a Scorpio rising.
No big deal.
OK.
And I'm Kiki,
and I'm a triple Leo!
It’s so good, right?
And we're here on a year abroad!
I bet no one can guess where we came from.
- 305 represent! - 305 represent!
Like...we're here because we spoke
the most Spanish in our class.
Wow.
Impressive.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, OK, OK.
We speak Spanish, but like,
slow down maestro
because we don't speak that kind of Spanish.
Yeah, we do Miami Spanish, you know?
I talk like: tú sabes. Like, tú sabes.
Dassit.
Great...
Yeah, so like these literally don't come out.
Like I sleep with them.
Excuse me, what did you just say?
Yo yo yo, what did this bitch just say to you?
Wait a minute, because like --
What do you mean? These are like our hoops.
Like, we stand by this in the 305.
That’s like part of who we are.
Hey Ponce de Leon
We're from La Florida. You don't own us anymore.
OK, OK, Kiki, that was like 500 years ago.
Like, calm down.
But whatever, like, it feels like right now.
Whatever, he was like “whatever” and I’m like--
(gasp)
- Holy shit! - Holy shit!
Sorry!!
Wait, wait wait wait -
How does your makeup stay on like that?
That's how y’all get down in España?
Jenny let’s go.
Yeah let’s go...
Dig deeper!
- I’m going. - We like that shit!
Okaaayyyy...
Like why?
- We literally just got here today. - We literally just got here today.
Like, we haven't even been at the school, like not a long time.
No.
Ma'am? Ma’am --
Uh uh, ma’am--
I once talked myself out of 14 parking tickets.
I don't need a lawyer.
We’re from Miami.
Yeah.
I had to take my hoops out.
I don't want to talk about it.
Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me?
-No, no, no, no, no. -No, no, no, no, no.
I literally had to take my hoop earrings out.
The principal made her take ‘em out.
It was like a whole fucking thing.
Yeah.
- That it’s ugly as fuck! -It’s ugly as fuck!
- I’ll tell you that. It’s fucking ugly.
SUPER ugly.
Woah woah woah. What the fuck?
- We’re here about a murder?
We won a trip abroad because we speak Spanish.
- No no no no NO!
I will absolutely talk to my parents and a lawyer.
THANK YOU. - Yeeessss.
- Call Judge Milian! People’s Court.
What the fuck?
What? A murder?
I don't kill people.
No!
I don't like this.
No, these jackets are ugly.
Oh, it’s not my color anyway.
No, whose color?
Hmmm.
It's no secret Netflix has more content rows than Kylie Jenner has lip kits.
So it's nearly impossible to keep up with everything they put out.
everything they put out.
But, there's a new app that now helps you get all the info
you need from Netflix shows without actually watching them.
So next time you're at brunch and somebody asks you
“have you seen that new four-part
documentary about the history of underwater basket weaving?”
I have.
“It’s Oscar winning.”
You'll feel equipped and ready to talk about it.
This is the feature you've been looking for.
Oh my god. What about when they run out
of that restaurant?
And she got that red scarf?
It was like
SO RED...
Then they escape and he gets shot,
and then he's the same dude from the other show?!
You know what I’m talking about?
The other show.
I’mma get something to drink.
OK.
Looks like you're really struggling.
I have no idea what he's talking about.
And it shows.
Are you like Cindy and tired of not being caught up
on the hottest new shows?
It's just that there's so much to watch.
We know. We literally can't stop making content.
That's why Netflix invented
TOO LONG DIDN’T WATCH
the newest feature from Netflix.
We've cut your favorite shows down to the 90 seconds
everyone's talking about
so you're never out of the loop again.
That's a savings of 99% of your time!
Didn't you guys invent binge watching?
Don't you want us to watch the whole thing?
How could we expect you to watch everything
when we know you're just going to watch
another episode of 30 Rock?
- Well, that's true.
Here--
By the time you're finished peeing,
you'll be all caught up on Money Heist
and impressing Henrik in no time.
Oh, amazing. Thank you!
Make sure you wash your hands!
Oh, I always do.
Oh, my God, I know like - Arturo’s the worst.
Why don't they just kill him already?
Hahahahaha.
Wow.
HILARIOUS.
Yo, what about that new season of Ozark?
Oh, I actually have to go pee real quick.
I'll be right back.
Thanks TLDW!
TOO LONG DIDN’T WATCH
the newest feature from Netflix.
Listen, you know Netflix has so many shows, which means
so many sets and so many props.
I mean, where would Eleven be without her Eggo waffles?
Or The Witcher without that loooong sword.
OoOoOoOoOh!
And we want to take this moment to
highlight two of the industry's veteran
Prop Queens.
Excuse me, you can’t smoke on set.
You talking to me?
It’s prescribed by my doctor.
You want me to take my glasses off?
They’re prescribed to me.
You might see my lazy eye.
Hey, how you doin’? I’m Ethel.
and I'm Jericha.
And we're “The Prop Queens.”
You know, they call us “The Prop Queens”
probably cause we’re broads,
but most probably...
‘cause we’re from Queens!
Without us--?
What’s The Crown without the crowns,
ya know what I mean?
What’s The Chair without the chairs?
Where they gonna sit?
Queen's Gambit without chess pieces?
Just a beautiful young woman on a bunch of silent dates
with creepy geezers.
--Not that we actually worked on the crowns
or the chairs...
Yeah or the chess boards.
- No.
Our work is much more important.
Mm hmm.
This friggin’ show!
Ton of work!
Dungeons and Dragon pieces, old timey TV sets!
Radios, bikes, you name it!
Now, they didn't bring us on
‘til season three, so we didn't do any of that stuff before that.
But you see the shower scene with Jim Hopper here?
Oh oh -- take a good look at that shower head.
Pure Ethel!
Eyy!!
How’s Jimmy Hopper gonna get wet?
No shower head = No water.
No water = No Emmy nominations.
Badda BING!
BADDA boom!
That David Harbour
nicest guy in the world too.
He takes one look at Ethel here --
Ha HA!
He says:
“Can you turn the water pressure down a little bit?
I'm going blind!”
He wasn’t talking water pressure
if you know what I mean!
Well, you know, actually, it turned out he was.
Now these, uh, “Casablanca Paper” guys,
they come to me and they says:
“Ethel: Salvador Dalí, máscara máscara!”
Found out through a translator
they need a Dalí mask painted.
Apparently, they’re robbing some bank.
Before I got into props, I robbed a few banks out in Yonkers myself...
We don’t talk about that.
What Ethel means to say is...
We don't paint.
But you see this roll of masking tape?
-Pure Jericha!
I had the thing in my bag already.
I put it on the background actor’s wrist.
We start chuggin’ scotch to prepare for our flight
back to LaGuardia,
Badda BING!
BADDA BOOM!
The thing does five seasons!
Five!
People stop me on the street
every day. Every day, they says:
“How’d ya make that Alexa robot thing?”
I say:
I didn't.
Nuh-uh.
Our work was
five thousand bags of pure,
uncut Bahamian sand
lugged by
yours truly.
Ugghhh, this freakin’ show
Turns out: not only was Trinkets
about a bunch of kleptos--
they also cast
a bunch of KLEPTOS!
These bitches stole EVERYTHING!
We had to TRIPLE the prop budget.
What’s the prop in this clip?
Him!
HIM!
PAUL RUDD IS THE PROP!
How come you think he don’t age? Come on!
No, but for serious though, we didn't work on this show.
- Ugh - Life is not long enough for this show.
Only show we ever passed on.
Passed.
Eyy: now --
If you want to see more of our work
-- which you better --
check out
“The Princess Switch:
Switched Again
The Switchuation!”
As long as there’s a Christmas,
there'll be a job for us on this show.
‘Til next time:
- Badda BING badda BOOM! - Badda BING badda BOOM!
Mi gente linda!
Like the Patron saint of jet skis, DJ Khaled, says:
We appreciate you joining us today.
-We appreciate you having some fun with us. - We had so much fun.
We really did!
Until we see you next time:
you know the drill:
Go Off!
Her husband comes into the prop shop
with flowers...
sees Jericha here sculpting this prosthetic penis...
BOOM!
Divorce papers on my desk that night.
That. Night.
Two months later,
BOOM!
I married him.
- Eyy, Eyy, Eyy - we have fun!
We have fun!