it's not okay to make mistakes it's not okay to have your own needs it's not okay to have your
own identity and feelings it's not okay to be too functional or too happy it's not okay to be too
comfortable it's not okay to trust yourself it's not okay to depend on anyone for anything
it's not okay to be vulnerable or to trust anyone and it's not okay to assert yourself
those are the enneagram wounding childhood messages of all nine enneagram types and today
we're gonna break down the enneagram type nines if you're new here i'm hillary and i love teaching
the enneagram in a very simple way so that you can apply it to your everyday life so who is
that enneagram type nine well you know i'm by the peacemaker the comforter the mediator that's all
i can come up with right now have you heard it called anything else leave it down below i'd love
to know but those are the most common ways i hear the enneagram type 9 referred to that basic desire
that the enneagram type 9 is always running towards is peace of mind and inner stability
that is what is most important to the enneagram type 9 and they're always chasing the basic fear
that that enneagram type 9 is running from is conflict and this looks like the fear of losing
relationships and people in their life if they say something or do something that could potentially
cause conflict and being overlooked and being thought of as unimportant are also basic fears of
the type 9. the basic weakness of that enneagram type 9 and this is what we're wrestling with and
so all the types have a basic fear a basic desire and a basic weakness you've also heard them
called core weakness core desire core fear it all means the same thing but that weakness that the
enneagram 9 wrestles with is called sloth which to me this name is extremely misleading because
the enneagram 9 is anything but lazy they're actually extremely active and productive maybe
they're not doing the right thing but they keep themselves busy a lot of the times so what this
really means for that enneagram type nine is that they have this ability to kind of like numb out
to what's really important to them going after their own dreams and desires a might feel like too
much work or b they don't even know what they are or c might cause conflict and so a lot of times
the nine has this struggle that they kind of stay asleep to their life because waking up like i said
could cause conflict or anything like that and so a lot of times the nine just falls asleep to what
they really want in life truthfully it's easier for the nine to one to do something someone else
is doing versus figure out what they want on their own all right so this leads us right into
the childhood patterns of that type nine what might have the nine look like as a child that nine
more than likely learned that the best way to go about life was to keep the peace in harmony
at all times and maybe this was with their family maybe this was with their siblings
and their parents maybe it was with their friends or their teachers or their school
they would have wanted to just keep that piece and and make sure everything's harmonious all the time
and what that would have looked like is they probably um were the wall flowers maybe they
were good at disappearing or seeming like they you know weren't in the room because they were
so quiet or they just kind of like you know weren't part of the conversations all the time
and they wouldn't have wanted to cause any trouble so they didn't say anything they didn't speak up
stuff like that they might have looked like that more than likely they were the low maintenance
child out of all the siblings i will say though when i think about nines and how they wouldn't
have stood up for a lot i actually have heard that nines would stand up for other people if
there was something unfairly happening to somebody else maybe a friend or sibling that might cause
them to actually speak up and say something but it was rare for them to say anything about their own
needs i think that nine felt like they had to choose between actually being themselves and
knowing themselves and and knowing who they are and connecting with others i don't think
that nine knew how to do both and so they chose to connect with others versus get to know themselves
i would say a lot of nights that i've spoke to said that they grew up feeling like their needs
weren't even allowed like they weren't allowed to have needs and then asserting themselves caused a
lot of problems the nine would have learned early on that when they did assert themselves that
it either wasn't allowed or wasn't okay or they got made fun of or they got in trouble
or it was they were shushed you know like hey don't say anything right now type of thing even
if it wasn't meant to hurt the nine the filter the nine saw things through might have taken that and
and it might have wounded them right they're actually trying to use their voice and then to
be told to be quiet or to not say anything would have or could have wounded them in that in that
time or in that moment which leads us right into their wounding childhood message it's not okay
to assert yourself and what does this translate to especially as that young enneagram nine child
your involvement isn't necessary your opinion isn't necessary you're to be seen not heard
maybe not even be seen actually but definitely not heard this is that unconscious childhood
message that they would have been hearing and again it doesn't mean that somebody was like
saying it to them but they were picking it up they were they you know even if somebody didn't say the
actual words that is the filter that they would have heard things through it really was how they
interpreted situations at times and like i said it's the filter that they saw the world through
that they experienced the world through and a lot of times i find that nines still see
through that filter and so that's why i teach this so that we can realize we can begin to
realize that we don't need to operate with the wounding childhood message conscious or
unconscious message from our childhood any longer and so as a nine if you struggle with
asserting yourself i wanna tell you like it is okay to assert yourself and we're gonna get
more into that later but that's the big thing i like to hit on is that we just sometimes are
on like an autopilot or learned behavior or a learned coping mechanism from our childhood and
we've brought it into adulthood and so that's what we're doing today we're gonna unpack that
and hopefully um give you some new tools okay so getting back to that wounding childhood message um
the nine usually felt connected to both parents and this could be a good thing or not a good thing
really what this could have looked like is they were always trying to keep both parents happy
and sometimes this would have looked like for the nine that their presence didn't matter
they needed to forget themselves they maybe numbing out helped maybe
you know taking a back seat if there's bigger personalities in the room they took a backseat to
those bigger personalities maybe it's school maybe it's friends it doesn't just have to be parents
or whoever took care of them whoever they looked up to you know if they're trying to keep
that person happy sometimes to keep someone else happy the nine interprets that like oh less of me
is better that is that wounding message and so to break this down even further to keep connection
with the person or the place it could have been an organization a group or whatever or a person
to keep that connection they thought they needed to lose themselves lose their own feelings lose
their own identity to keep the connection that's what made sense to them right and so this is why
their message is it's not okay to assert yourself and let me say that it doesn't mean every nine
had bad parents or a bad upbringing i've actually talked to a lot of nines that had great childhoods
i will say the norm is that the nine had a harder childhood it's just what i've witnessed and
seen for myself but it's not like the overall like if you have a nine child you're like oh my gosh
i must be a bad parent nope nope nope just forget that right now but i'm just saying that sometimes
that was the situation and this is you know why they still have that coping mechanism
and i want to say sometimes parents or teachers or anybody in charge or whatever doesn't realize the
words they're using can hurt or can be interpreted differently than they were intending them to okay
so all this to say every type has their own unconscious moody childhood message like i said
all types see and experience the world differently okay so moving on to the lost
childhood message and this is what the enneagram 9 would have needed to hear and that message is
your presence matters and it does if you're 9 watching this right now i want to say
your presence matters this is the message that the nine would have needed to hear desired to hear
and you might need to hear it right now right just like i just said your presence matters maybe
that's why you're watching this video right now you needed somebody to kind of
reach through the screen and say hey i see you and your presence matters and if you're not
a nine and you're watching this make sure you do that to your nine to the nines in your life
maybe not exactly like that maybe that would like whoa you know that's too close for the nine but
make sure you're telling them when it's authentic timing to tell them your presence matters and
the reason why your presence matters is because other people will be blessed by your presence i'd
love you to understand in a way that your your presence is extremely crucial to the unfolding
of life you know just showing up to your life it matters i think not showing up
not asserting yourself actually now as an adult can lead to more issues it can lead to resentment
it could lead to being hurt even more it could be lead to maybe not fulfilling you know what
is in your heart what you desire what your dreams are because i know you got them okay so what do i
want you to learn today that this is something that you decided as a child and is no longer
applicable to you as an adult it no longer keeps you safe it was a survival mechanism as a child
removing yourself your presence moving backwards not asserting yourself it was a way that you found
to keep yourself safe and not getting hurt you have a voice a really important one and your
presence can be a blessing to others how do you heal well start by using your voice
practice with those closest to you i'm not saying go give your pearls to everybody
but i'm saying the people that you trust the people that are closest to you
practice it maybe decide where you guys are going to go to dinner tonight more than likely
you don't even know if you're like me it's like that feels like a very big decision but i've had
to practice and i've had to uncover well what are my likes what are my desires because a lot of time
the nine doesn't know i would say self-care and mindset change is extremely important to you
understanding your value and your worth and so you know self-care is really important journal your
experiences journaling can be extremely healing writing it all down writing out what do i desire
what do i want write something you know maybe it's every night you write one sentence or one
paragraph about like how did you show up to your life today how did you assert yourself today and
did it feel good did you feel like you're you took part of you back again get some accountability
maybe it's a mentor maybe it's a friend maybe it's a coach i'm a life coach get some accountability
if it's deeper and you need something deeper um maybe a therapist i think therapy is amazing
i recommend therapy i think therapy could help anyone and everyone i'd love to see you learn that
your presence and your opinions matter and that you are very important to those around you and so
that's it that's all i got today guys if you want more um information and knowledge and learning
about that enneagram type 9 i have so many videos covering lots of good stuff about the type 9. so
go click on one of those videos i will put them all down in the description box so you can find it
easily but yeah i hope this video helped you guys today if it did give the video a thumbs
up that helps my channel i really appreciate it i appreciate you guys and if you're new here and you
haven't subscribed and you and you and you liked what you saw today push that subscribe button
i appreciate it and i appreciate you guys that's all i have today until next time bye guys
you