they're really saying is they don't obey it isn't a matter of not hearing is it it's a matter of a
child not taking action upon the request of a parent so why does this happen and what can we
do to change it the main reason this happens is the child knows there is no consequence to
disobedience in other words when a child hears a parent speak they hear and make a conscious
decision whether to disregard what they heard or to comply if they are aware disregarding it would
cause a consequence that they would not want to happen they will comply if on the other hand they
know there's no consequence to disregarding it and the relationship with the parent is not one
that motivates compliance anyway they won't comply so what can you do to change the situation if your
child doesn't listen or obey when you speak some parenting experts have said you need to go to them
and speak directly to them face-to-face every time this is an example of why sometimes experts give
advice that isn't always practical they haven't lived it enough to recognize that though that
sounds good and easy it only works when you have time to do that but there isn't always time for
you to stop what you were doing walk into another room and do that with one child much less several
children it's not a practical and easily workable solution for busy moms and dads to do consistently
you would need to be able to state an expectation or request from a distance so here's what to do
number one make your expectations clear there needs to be clear instructions on what to do
and when to do it so in other words saying you need to get your shoes on so we can go that's
not clear because there's no time appropriated for that so don't always expect compliance until
you make it clear go get your shoes on now please that's clear it taught them what to do and when to
do it number two don't repeat yourself each time you repeat an expectation you lose authority as
you repeat yourself each time you say it the words mean less and less and the next time you need to
tell them something you will need to repeat more and more say it once and then go to number three
number three is require confirmation once you've stated clearly your expectation require your child
to acknowledge your request they must say yes ma'am or they can say okay I'll do that right
now or something similar make sure they confirm that they heard you number four if they don't
confirm make sure they heard it this would only apply if they're in another room or are deeply
engaged in something like a movie or game it is possible that they are so involved that they
didn't hear your request don't get angry but go to them and look at them face to face now I know
that this sounds similar but just wait listen to the rest of it ask them if they heard you
if they didn't then repeat but this should not happen often you have to discern the situation
here don't let them get by with pretending they didn't hear and make it a habit of making you
come to them directly and every time you need them to do something you have to do that if it
becomes a problem you may have to require them to come to you when you call and speak to them
directly each time for a while in other words you're going to do some training you may have
to go to them and make them walk with you to the place where you were and then speak to them face
to face repeat it at that point why do you do this because you're training them it is a consequence
of not responding to your request they will not want to go through that every time if they're
pretending not to hear and they know what they're gonna have to do is stop what they're doing get
up walk over to you wherever you are and then you repeat the thing they already heard they're soon
gonna recognize that is not worth it they're gonna start to listen every time because they won't want
to go through that consequence don't ever repeat what your expectations are by going to them door
and directly talking to them where they are if you believe they're pretending not to hear you
okay because then that's not a consequence for them to wait for you to come and then you talk
directly to them the consequence is that they have to get up and walk to where you are okay
so make that a consequence you need to make them get up come to you if you believe they are playing
you and pretending they don't hear you have to discern the situation and make them walk to the
place where you were and stand and listen to you face to face each time until they stop a habit of
not listening or responding to you when you speak number five setup privileges and consequences it's
important to make the consequences for behaviors relate to the behavior itself as much as possible
pretty much like what I just described that is a consequence that relates to the behavior one
way to relate a consequence also is to set up a list of what privileges are in your home and what
responsibilities relate to those privileges for instance the privilege of using the computer for
instance that requires certain responsibilities to be fulfilled in order for a child to be able to
resource that privilege one of the requirements for an hour of computer time later in the day
among other requirements could be that stated parental expectations are responded to immediately
during that day if you stayed an expectation and your child doesn't respond immediately
you could easily say you have just lost ten minutes of your computer time privilege today
if I have to repeat it you will lose it all for this evening if you stick to it the consequence
will cause a quick change in their compliance level if computer time is not the motivator for
your child whatever is a motivator could be used instead number six be consistent every
single piece of parental advice should have this in it consistency is the key to effectiveness if
you want your parenting to be effective you have to be consistent parents you can do this if you
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course found in the link below called how to train your child to behave thanks for watching