When asked how I'm doing,
I wanna say,
Tired of spending my days fake-happy.
Afraid that anger will consume.
Of hoping that my tomorrows will be better than today.
I wanna say,
My smile has become a magic trick,
and I'm probably the worst magician I know.
I wanna say,
Miserable.
But my tongue has never been strong enough to shape those syllables when someone is listening.
So instead,
Instead, I laugh.
Even if a joke hasn't been said,
and I say,
I'm doing alright.
Here's a guide on how to be miserable for the rest of your life.
Step 1: Blame others.
Believe that everything that doesn't go your way, is someone else fault.
Point the finger at them, always, and refuse to take any responsibility,
even if that comes at the expense of your relationships.
The important thing here is to never accept your flaws and wrong-doings.
That would make you imperfect and capable of making mistakes
Step 2: Procrastinate.
Go ahead, write out your to-do list, and don't forget to format it in a pretty way.
After all, that's what productive people do right?
but don't actually do anything. Instead wait, until the last minute if you can.
In fact, just defer all of your responsibilities to your future self, because well, right now
you're relaxing and social media seems a whole lot more interesting. Especially while laying in bed.
Step 3: Complain, a lot.
Misery loves company and you hate being alone. So take advantage of every opportunity you can to
exercise your critical tongue. Vomit negativity wherever you go. If you're unhappy, make sure
everyone you know, knows it. It doesn't matter if you're deflecting another emotion you feel or
using this as a coping mechanism to cover up what's really going on.
Just keep projecting your negative experiences onto the people and
things around you. You'll definitely feel better, in the most superficial of ways, but that's ok.
Step 4: Make excuses.
Why try when giving an excuse is so much easier.
“I would but now is just not the right time” tends to roll off the
tongue a bit smoother than any effort required to learn, apply and repeat.
When asked to do anything outside your normal routine, always respond with “sure, but...”
That way you show interest for a split second before pulling an excuse out of thin air
hoping it’s not the same one you used last time.
Step 5: Never fix things you dislike about yourself.
Continue engaging in activities that make you feel less than, insecure, weak, and incapable.
Never challenge yourself to be better or to break bad habits. Simply subscribe to
the idea that people never change, so you don't have to attempt to.
Step 6: Live in fear and only do what is comfortable.
When you feel afraid, don't act despite of it. Retreat because of it.
Allow fear to make your body its home.
A resting place to lay its head, and feed on your courage like it's breakfast in bed.
Never attempt new things and always remain where you feel the most comfortable.
It's doesn't matter the opportunity, or how great
of an experience you might have. If it's not something you normally do,
don't do it. Life as stagnant as it might be is enough. And you're ok with that.
Step 7: View life how you wish it to be, not how it actually is.
Make sure you mentally escape from real life and much as possible. Spend your days
fantasizing about the life you wish you had, instead of the one you're actually living.
Never strive to improve yourself and pour all of your mental energy into fixating on dreams and
not on solving the problems in front of you.
Constantly compare your life to others, even your favorite celebrities. Reflect about what
you would do if things were different. Maybe clicking your heels three times will work,
I don't know. Maybe you can try it and follow back up with me.
Step 8: Wait for opportunities.
Don't seek out new opportunities at work or relationships you'd like to have. All of that
is a waste of time. Instead, wait patiently for them to fall into your lap. I mean things happen
when they happen for a reason right? So avoid social media and social outings at any cost.
At the end of the day, remember that new opportunities are everywhere,
so don't bother taking action or searching for the most effective way to get what you want.
It will find you, eventually.
Step 9: Focus on things you can't control.
Obsess over every detail in life that is not within your control.
Do everything in your power to show anger towards every person and car who's sitting
in the same traffic jam as you. Don't adjust and go with the flow. Complain.
Complain about the weather, the pandemic, gas prices. If you complain loud enough,
maybe the government will hear you and listen.
Also, remember the past matters, so spend your waking hours today working to undo
what's been done. It's the only way you'll be able to live tomorrow.
Step 10: Wake up whenever you want.
Don't wake up early. Don't bother setting an alarm or goals for the following day. Instead, sleep in.
Sleep in until you feel ready to get up. And then when you feel ready, remain laying there.
Because the warm hug of your bed is much more comforting than the cold outside world.
This will definitely ensure that you get nothing done with your day,
but you don't care because you never set goals for the day, to begin with.
Step 11. Make sure your house is always a cluttered disaster.
There's no reason to clean if you don't have plans for anyone to come over. After all,
you just woke up, and who really wants to deal with a mess this late in the day. Truth is, it's
much easier for you to leave the house rather than face the mess you've created. So just do that.
See, the key is believing that more is better. That clutter is a sign that a
space is well lived in, and not just a shell of organized nothingness. So
subscribe to the notion that minimalism is dead, because, well, YouTube says it is.
Step 12: Believe you are special
Believe that you deserve everything you've always wanted simply because you're special. And anyone
who has what you want is automatically less deserving. Always refer to yourself as talented,
unique, prettier then. You're one of a kind and the world knows that. So don't bother working
to be better. That's a complete waste of time and counterintuitive to the fact that you're special.
See, this will really help you develop an outsider complex.
Making it difficult for you to not only make friends but maintain healthy relationships.
But you don't have time or energy to invest in those things anyway so that's fine.
Step 13: Don't ask for help.
When you start to feel emotionally drained and
unlike yourself, don't open up about it, to anyone.
Asking for help would make you human and remember you're special so don't stoop down to that level.
Instead, swallow your pride and push forward. And definitely don't cry, I mean come on.
See, no one can possibly understand you like you understand yourself. So expecting someone
to know what to say and how to help you is a bit of a stretch, to say the least.
Step 14: Practice intentional boredom.
Always project an aura of “nothing is interesting” and if your friends start to avoid you then that's
fine because we've already established that you're ok with being an outsider and friendless.
After all, it's difficult for you to maintain relationships anyway, see step 12.
Being bored ironically makes you feel better
because when emotions such as unfulfilled start to cover you like soft blankets in the winter
it gives you the excuse to seek excitement in all the wrong places.
Remember you sometimes enjoy living on the edge,
even if your actions don't have your best interest in mind.
Step 15: Live your life to impress other people.
Other people's opinion of you, matter,
more than anything. So always make sure you're living your life to impress them.
Buy what they buy. Do what they want you to do, and wear any and everything plastered
with logos because the bigger the name brand the more they'll notice you, and like you.
Anyway, the point is to never think for yourself. No one cares about your dreams and ideas, so why
should you? Remember it takes way less effort to be a puppet on a string to everyone around you.
Wait, wait, wait, ok pause.
Did he just say "A puppet on a string to everyone around you?" *snap* *snap*
The poetry and honesty in this is, ooooo, I love it! I have to listen to that last line again.
...so why should you?
Remember it takes way less effort to be a puppet on a string to everyone around you.
Ok on a serious note. Please don't do anything I mentioned in this conversation.
I hope you caught on to the reverse psychology I was using because if you do any of these things,
your life will be miserable and that's the last thing I want for you.
Instead, I want you to succeed in life. To thrive,
to dream, and go on to build big things. Whether it’s a business,
a blog, a charity—especially if you’re passionate about giving back to your community.
Regardless of what it is, I want to help you get your message out there. So my friends over
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I’ll leave the link down in the description below. At the very least check them out.
You’ll be taking the first step towards overcoming
your fears and becoming that light for someone else in their life.
Remember you have so much more to offer than being miserable.
I hope you found value in this conversation and if you did,
comment below the part that resonated the most with you.
Keep growing, keep learning and always stay true to you.
I'll see you in the next one.
Peace!