After right wingers complained endlessly about M&M's being too woke and
or not sexy enough.
The company announced today that it will retire their famous spokes
candies here's what M&M's posted on twitter this morning,
captioned a message from M&M's.
America let's talk,
in the last year we've made some changes to our beloved spokescandies.
We weren't sure if anyone would even notice and
we definitely didn't think it would break the internet.
But now we get it, even a candies shoes can be polarizing, which was the last
thing M&M's wanted since we're all about bringing people together.
Therefore we have decided to take an indefinite pause from the spokescandies.
In their place we are proud to introduce a spokesperson America can agree on,
the beloved Maya Rudolph.
We are confident, Ms. Rudolph will champion the power of fun to create
a world where everyone feels they belong.
These are the weirdos who M&M's are trying to appease with
this shocking change, watch this video.
>> Green Eminem you will notice is no longer wearing sexy boots,
now she's wearing sensible sneakers, why the change?
Well according to M&M's quote, we all win when we see more women in leading roles,
because leading women do not wear sexy boots.
Leading women wear frumpy shoes, the frumpier or the better that's the rule.
>> Instead of go-go boots the seductress, green M&M will now wear sneakers.
>> The other big changes is that the brown M&M has quote transition from
high stilettos to lower block heels also less sexy that's progress.
M&M's will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply
unappealing and totally androgynous.
>> If this is what you need for validation an M&M that is a color that you think is
associated with feminism, then I'm worried about you.
I think this is the kind of thing that makes China, say like, good,
keep focusing on that, keep focusing on giving people their own color M&M's
while we take over all of the mineral deposits in the entire world.
>> Honestly, I'm mostly just happy because it's an all female M&M, I assume that it
cost 77 cents on the dollar of what the regular M&M would cost, right?
That's how this works.
>> Woke M&M's have returned, the green M&M got her boots back but
apparently is now a lesbian maybe and
there's also a plus sized obese purple M&M, so we're gonna cover that of course.
>> The green M&M is a snake, you conniving climbing little bitch,
I do not trust her, opportunistic evil bitch.
>> Wow.
>> They're talking about candy, I'd like to make that very clear,
they're talking about candy.
Tucker Carlson has managed to flip the famous slogan on its head
because apparently M&M's make him melt in his hand.
>> [LAUGH] okay, Dave, literally did these segments
saying the M&M's are not sexy enough.
He's like, you know those guys who would like YouTube leave comments,
like I couldn't finish to it, [LAUGH] that's what Tucker Carlson's like.
This M&M's once she took off the sexy shoes, I'm into feed and then they put on,
I didn't like it, I couldn't finish to it.
I want the M&M's back that I could, that's dude look into porn,
[LAUGH] hey and leave the rest of us alone,
you weirdo's it's like a kids candy and he's trying to finish to it.
>> Before they made the change even if it wasn't a peanut M&M for Tucker,
it still did have a nut in the middle.
>> [LAUGH] [LAUGH] by the way, the obese M&M is the one with the peanut inside of
it, that's why it's larger, not because they were trying to make it obese.
>> Yeah, and I thought they were trying to protect unborn life, clearly that's
a pregnant M&M and they want to get rid of it hypocritical at the very least.
>> Yeah, I tell yah, I didn't think Fox would stoop to this,
my favorite one though was not Tucker or Shapiro or any of those,
it was Martha MacCallum with China celebrating [LAUGH].
Can you imagine they get together in the politburo, they're like, all right,
what's the next item of business?
Should we build another high speed train?
Okay and they're like, no, I'm sorry Chairman,
but we're gonna have to interrupt for a discussion on the M&M's.
>> We've got great news.
>> Great news.
>> The enemy is weakened.
>> [LAUGH] the enemy's weakened their M&M's are no longer sexy.
We tried, none of us could finish to it, Tucker's right.
>> Luckily for
all of us at least under his desk Tucker Carlson still does wear his sexy boots.
>> [LAUGH] okay and we're supposed to have a debate with these guys and
in fact, M&M changed, they changed the entire marketing campaign.
Because they're negotiating with these terrorists, these clown terrorists,
like they come out, they're like, [SOUND],
I couldn't masturbate to your M&M's I want you to change it.
And M&M goes okay, guys meeting Tucker couldn't orgasm,
we gotta change the M&M's back.
>> And to the point you made in our production being this morning,
they've instead replace them with a black woman spokesperson who I'm sure will
offend no Republicans whatsoever.
>> I know M&M's, do you live on this planet company the executives, there?
You're like, we got Maya Rudolph, so the problem is solved,
no they're gonna be out there tomorrow going, she's black,
why don't we have a white spokesman, China's celebrating.
Maya Rudolph, responsible for the war on Christmas.
>> Think about it, don't think about it [LAUGH].