hey guys welcome back thanks for joining me for another video my name is
Stephanie I am a life and relationship coach if you are not a subscriber to
this channel don't forget to click on the subscribe button down below and
click on post notifications so you can receive an update every time I do upload
a new video so this week I want to dive into being okay with being single and I
have a lot of people on social media or clients that really struggle with this
and I know it's something that a lot of people have a tough time with it's like
on one hand the minute they get single they're like I'm single yeah and they
kind of embrace it and then it gets to a certain point where they don't embrace
it anymore and it becomes something that they're either fearful of or they're not
really enjoying being single because we can't force ourselves to be in
relationships I mean I guess we kind of can but they would probably be unhealthy
or toxic one so we won't always pick the best partner so while we are single how
can we be okay with it and how can we be really authentically happy in the space
that you're in right now so one of the things that I want to talk about is the
pressures that our society puts on us and unfortunately whether you go to the
movies whether you watch something on TV everything talks about being in a
relationship Valentine's Day is obsessed with the
idea not just of love and people want to say well it's about love yes it actually
is about love but unfortunately the way it's marketed it's about couples linking
up and so there's so much pressure either from our society from television
from our family and friends hey I just want you to meet someone good and settle
down with I just want you to meet a nice girl and be okay I want you to find a
nice man that'll take care of you and and you know you can get married and
blah blah blah so because of all of these pressures that are put on us we
sometimes feel like something's wrong with us you know we we have this
pressure that we should be in a relationship we should get married by
certain age we should have kids we should do this this is where I should be
at this point in my life and because of all of those stories it allows us to not
be okay when we're not at that phase of life right when that hasn't actually
happened for us yeah so when we are single we aren't
really enjoying being single the other thing is because of the world we live in
and social media it's very easy for us to just go on Instagram and see all of
the happy couples that are together and you know couples goals and just all of
these images of perhaps family or friends or even strangers that are
getting proposed to and just all of this smoke and mirrors basically all of this
sunshine but we don't really expose on social media the arguments the fights
and unhealthy relationships the difficult times that couples have to go
through we don't really expose that so unfortunately we're just constantly
seeing again more pressure that oh I want this oh look at this and it puts
this void sometimes in ourselves that why don't I
have that why haven't I ever had that am I ever going to get that and that's when
all of these fear-based stories kind of start so it's not to say that people
that display happiness on social media actually aren't happy but they possibly
are in those moments but they also we don't tend to show the difficult stuff
that we go through and that not every relationships perfect and sometimes it's
easy for us to look at those images of our friends or whoever even strangers
and feel that jealousy of like oh I want that and I don't have that right coming
from that lack first it always starts with self-worth so for me being okay
with being single was the fact that I knew because I deserved it that I would
meet someone at some point in my life and I knew that I had to learn how to
really love myself and be my own best friend and I had to understand what that
meant and what that meant was if you're not okay with being single that means
that you don't know how to mentally emotionally physically and spiritually
take care of yourself that's basically what that means you haven't learned how
to be your own best friend you haven't learned how to be your own support
system now are there gonna be times when you're gonna feel lonely feel like you
want connection with person absolutely are there gonna be
times when you would love a good spoon absolutely like your human being but for
the most part all of the things that you're craving attention validation
going out a best friend that's a go-to that I'm never alone right someone to go
to Christmas parties with or spend Valentine's Day with whatever it is all
of that is because of the stories that you tell yourself and because you
haven't learned how to like I said take care of yourself emotionally mentally
physically and spiritually so when you look at those four categories think of
this person that you want to meet someday and think of all of these areas
mentally emotionally what will your partner give you in those
areas and are you given those to yourself right now so for me of course I
always wanted to meet someone that would be my biggest cheerleader someone that
would like validate me encouraged me support me motivate me but I could never
find that until I learned how to do it for myself and a lot of that has to do
with your self-talk and a lot of that has to do with self parenting and that's
what I teach day in and day out so being okay with being single is more than
embracing your single self and travel and get out there more yes all of those
things are so so important if you don't have the relationships in your life that
you would like to have then it's your responsibility to put yourself out there
and form new relationships whether that's you getting out of your comfort
zone to ask the girl that you work with hey you want to grab a drink after work
or maybe some time you want to grab dinner or you know going on dates you
can totally go on dates and still enjoy being single but looking at dates as
another social Channel versus like something is this the guy is this is
this gonna be our first date is this guy I'm gonna marry is this you know all of
that pressure rather than just saying okay I'm on a date with someone we'll
see what happens but I'm just trying to have a good time I'm trying to just like
in the moment and embrace life and that's another thing that's really huge
is being in the moment so when you're living in the moment when you're
practicing mindfulness that is where happiness lives because you're not
thinking about yesterday and you know worried about tomorrow whenever we're
not in the moment we're not practicing mindfulness we are constantly thinking
about the past or worrying about the future and worrying about the future or
all the what-ifs that's all the fear even you know focusing on the past
getting angry and not forgiving someone for past wrongs or holding on to what
someone did to you in your past and having that trickle into like new
relationships all of that stuff is literally in the past and it has no it
should have no business in your future and being aware of again where are all
my wounds and what do they look like and why do I have them and where do they
come from that way when you get triggered in life you know oh this is
coming from what happened to me three years ago and this is why I'm
overreacting right now this is why I'm not taking responsibility for what I
think and how I feel and I'm putting it on someone else and I'm projecting this
is why I am projecting with this new guy that I'm dating who I want him to be
because maybe I don't know what I want maybe I don't know how I want to be
treated or if I do maybe I don't think that it really exists and maybe I'm
settling so learning about yourself this period in your life is the best place to
be because this will allow you to become the person that you need to be in order
to attract what it is that you say you want and that doesn't mean that there's
anything wrong with you right now but self-improvement
self-development is a continuous process process we're always growing we're
always in new experiences and so learning okay how can I take better care
of myself that's basically what self-development
is what am I not giving myself that I know I could be doing better at do I not
talk to myself in a nice way do I not validate how I feel do I shame
myself do I make myself feel guilty for doing certain things am i nervous to put
myself out there because I have a fear that maybe no one will like me so
working on that that's why I always say self parenting is huge
it literally is it affects every area of your life that's mental health right
there is how you talk to yourself how do you handle that lonely Tuesday night I
always say the conversations you have inside are
either going to help you or they're gonna hurt you and any fear-based
negative conversation number one is not reality it's a fear that you have and
you can either feed the fear or you can tell the fear to bug off because the
fear isn't real the fear is just a story that you
created for whatever reason you know what mom and dad downloaded into you
when you were a kid experiences that you had growing up it really doesn't even
matter at this point just acknowledging where the fear is oh here comes fear oh
here comes some negative self-talk how do we get rid of those things learning
how to self parent like I always say doing affirmations doing meditations
practicing being in the moment when you're in the moment even when you have
an anxiety even when you're feeling nervous or anxious I always tell myself
there's nothing to fear in this moment in this moment nothing is happening
that I should be fearful of there's not a fire someone's not trying to break in
my house there's not a tornado down the road there's nothing for me to worry I
don't have to you know have my retirement already set up in my account
right now like there's nothing there's just this moment that that we're in and
when we're working on these small moments and embracing life where we are
regardless of your status that's happiness that will allow you to go on
dates that will allow you to be confident that will allow you to be
authentically happy so I could have definitely made this video and given you
all the reasons why you shouldn't embrace your single self and hey go out
with your girlfriends and hey go get a makeover and spend some money on a new
wardrobe and go to the gym and get into better shape and all those things are
really huge don't get me wrong and they're really important because being
single it's actually a great great point in your life because it allows you to be
extremely selfish and when I was single and I was single for four years that was
my time to do whatever I wanted I didn't have to keep the TV on if I wanted to
shut it off before I went to bed I could stay up as late as I wanted to and no
one was like hey you're gonna to bed it was just none of that it was
just my time and so I utilized it as much as I could and even on years where
you know my birthday is in January and I live in Boston and there's always a
snowstorm I would plan every birthday party and I would invite whoever I loved
and cared about whether it was two people or ten people and I would say hey
anyone want to come and whoever came was great but I knew regardless if it was
one person or no people and I was home that night that I was gonna have a good
time so I think it's all about perspective it's all about your attitude
it's all about how you view things and it's also about the stories you tell
yourself and what stories you choose to believe so I hope that that has helped
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