That's cool.
I see a lot of happy people here,
too.
Y'all happy a lot of couples.
If you're married, make some noise,
if you're married.
(audience cheering)
OK.
If you're happily married,
make some noise.
(audience cheering)
All right.
I like that.
I did that one time it got
real quiet.
I was like, I'm not coming back
to this church.
(audience laughing)
They need some prayer.
They need some prayer there, man.
Now I love-- I love love.
I love marriage, everything.
My parents are my example.
Like my parents just celebrated,
in the pandemic, 35 years
of marriage.
(audience applauding)
Well, not to each other.
They just add up all
the other marriages like
10 years here, 15 there.
It's like killing their property.
Don't judge them.
They're together now's the point.
(audience laughing)
Oh, man, it's hard.
Date night you're like.
During the pandemic, I was alone.
I was like, man, I got to try
some different things.
Like it got me humble because like
before I was like, I told myself
I would never get on dating apps.
Now I'm on everything.
I got on all of them.
I'm on all of the apps.
I'm on Tinder, Bumble, JDate,
Mormon Mingle.
I got a Costco membership.
(audience laughing)
Like I'm out of here.
I'm still single, though.
Anybody done the dating apps before?
Anybody done dating apps?
Nobody?
Just me?
(audience laughing)
Really?
How about to set my radius
to five feet?
Let me see.
(audience laughing)
There are couple of matches over
in this corner.
(audience laughing)
Somebody's lying in here.
(audience laughing)
Guess what?
I realized like probably the biggest
problem with me dating is my voice.
Like this deep, deepest my voice
ever been.
That wasn't a punch line, sir,
but thank you.
(audience laughing)
It's actually nice for me
right here.
It's weird and it's funny.
Every time I meet a woman in person,
they always say the same thing
to me.
They always look at me like,
"Oh wow.
"You know your voice doesn't match
"your face."
(audience laughing)
I'm like, oh, well, your foundation
doesn't match your face.
(audience laughing)
You just pointed things out right now,
so we know we pointed things out.
(audience laughing)
Now, you at least blend in
to your neck, first of all.
(audience laughing)
I thought she was mixed
the whole time.
Come on.
She's mixed with MAC and Sephora.
(audience laughing)
I'm confused, man.
I looked at her.
I was like, matter of fact,
the eyebrows don't match
your expression right now either.
Like I feel like you should be upset,
but you look like you have
a question.
(audience laughing)
Are you confused?
Can I explain anything to you,
sweetheart?
That's great.
I could get sensitive
about my voice.
I do.
I do get very sensitive, man.
But I get it.
I think all women,
they want a strong, confident man.
A strong, confident man.
That's the thing.
I am strong and confident.
I just don't sound like I am.
I really mean when I say that.
I do, very.
It's because if you get to know me,
you find out I'm an alpha male.
I am.
I'm a man's man.
But I sound like a man's man.
(audience laughing)
It doesn't help you get the woman.
(audience laughing)
It's weird, man.
It's hard.
It's hard doing things like this.
I can't do things regular voice men
can do, right?
Like, sir, you look like you have
a deep voice.
A little bit?
- Yeah.
See. Look. He got it.
He got it, sure.
(audience laughing)
You don't have to show off like that
in front of me, sir.
(audience laughing)
Flex his voice over me.
Is this your woman?
Your wife?
No?
OK.
(audience laughing)
Does your wife know you have her,
sir?
(audience laughing)
Does she know where you're at tonight?
Are you dating?
What's going on?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
OK.
I'm going to move on
to another section.
(audience laughing)
I don't know if I should
ask him any more questions.
(audience laughing)
What I was trying to say, though.
You've got a deep voice like if this
was your woman, whatever y'all are
doing, I'm not going to judge.
(audience laughing)
Let's just a hypothetically,
hypothetically, if this young lady
you holding hands with
was your woman, now,
you can stand up for her, right?
Because you got a deeper voice,
right?
Like somebody might disrespect,
y'all.
Somebody might disrespect,
you could stand up for her.
Somebody disrespect you, baby?
I got this.
Hey, that's him, baby?
That him?
My man.
Yeah, you.
Hey, you disrespect my woman?
That's him.
I want you to get over here
and apologize to her
or I'm a disrespect you.
(audience laughing)
So you could get away with that.
Like you might not like a fight,
but you can sound like, you know.
Like me?
I can say the same thing.
I could mean it the same way.
It's not going to come out quite
the same though.
So I'll be honest, the more excited
I get, the higher my voice goes.
(audience laughing)
I had the same situation.
How to make this?
Somebody, I got this.
Go where?
Where?
Excuse me, sir.
Sir.
Is that him?
Sir, excuse me.
Yes.
Yes, sir.
Can somebody tap him?
Sir.
Yeah, you.
Help me.
You didn't tell me he was that big.
(audience laughing)
Sir, did you disrespect
my woman?
Huh?
(audience laughing)
Well, I want you to get over here
and disrespect me, too, because we
are a team.
So many things I could do
with this voice, man.
My voice's been like this all
my whole life.
When I was younger,
I remember people used to call
the house, I'll answer the phone,
and they'd be like,
oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.
Is the a man in the house in?
It's like I am a man.
I had to have talking about I am
a man, ain't I, mama?
All right.
I realize though,
if you have something different
about yourself, just embrace it.
Embrace it.
That's what I started to do.
Once I embraced it like things
started changing like because now
I use to my advantage.
Now people call the house,
I'll be like, hello.
Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, is the man
in house in?
It's like "who is this?"
Oh, this is Comcast.
I'm calling about the cable bill.
I'm like, "girl, I haven't seen him
"in three months.
(audience laughing)
"Like if you find him, could you call
"me back because he left me
"a long time here by ourselves?
"Could you please not cut off
"our cable till he comes back?"
I love-- I love love.
I want to be in a relationship.
I'm single, man.
It's weird.
Like my thing is I don't understand
women.
I don't.
Actually, I don't understand what
they want.
Like half the time
I don't think women understand
what they want, right?
My friends, like every woman I know.
Every top of that list, it was like,
I want a man that can make me laugh.
It's so important, man,
they can make me laugh.
Then they get me.
Like, "can you ever be serious?"
I'm like, what do you want?
You really too-da-loo my joy.
I don't get it.
It's weird.
Like it's like the less effort I put out,
the more women like me.
I never get that.
Like unless I put out more,
they'll like me.
I went to dinner with this one woman.
We had a great time.
Great food, great conversation.
We leave, go to the car, open door
for her, let her in the car.
I walk around, get in my side.
When I get in the car,
she was just staring at me.
I'm like, everything OK?
She's like, "yes, Tommy, everything
"is perfect."
I was like, what's wrong?
It's like, "Tommy, you just
"don't know how long it's been
"since a man has opened my car
"door for me.
"So I just wanted to say, thank you."
I was like, wow.
I said, wow, you deserve that, baby.
That's not a problem.
You deserved that.
I didn't tell her, but I actually
didn't do that to be romantic.
I just got manual locks on my car.
I actually have to open her door
to open my door,
the way my car is set up.
Or we both are going to be stuck
outside.
How nice.
It's hard dating when you're broke,
too.
Anybody broke in here?
(audience cheering)
OK, three white people.
Thank you.
(audience laughing)
You broke.
I had some crazy situations, man.
Actually, the turning point
in my life, I'm doing better now,
but the turning point in my life
was somebody stole my identity.
I was a victim of identity theft.
It was crazy.
And the worst part about it
was two weeks later, he came back
and tried to return it to me.
(audience laughing)
I came home.
There's a dude sitting
on my doorstep.
It was like, who are you?
He said, "well, I was you,
"but it's not working out the way
"I thought it would."
Well, I got to get my life together.
We had a talk.
I was like, brother, I moved on.
You go ahead and take it.
He's like, "no, you take it back.
"I insist.
"I insist."
We're up there fighting
over my identity.
It's crazy.
Like I don't know if he ever got
life advice from a criminal.
He was brother-- young man,
you need to get your life together.
You know I have to steal.
My identity is helping pay off
some of your bills.
(audience laughing)
Like give me a bad name out here.
(audience laughing)
I get it, man.
I had some broke situations.
That's the thing about the pandemic.
I think everybody had to struggle
again a little bit, right?
Reminded me, it's a struggle.
I don't know if you had
a broke situation like this though.
You ever been so broke?
Like you go home,
you go in your kitchen,
and you see fruit flies,
but you ain't had no fruit?
(audience laughing)
You know how bad it makes you feel.
You can't provide a good quality
life for fruit flies
in your own home.
(audience laughing)
My fruit flies are mad.
They're getting
all skinny and hungry.
They don't even buzz anymore.
They just hum old Negro spirituals
all day like.
(humming)
♫ Change is coming soon. ♫
(audience laughing)
I went in my kitchen, other day
they're having a Trump rally.
We're going to make this kitchen
great again.
It starts today.
They try to build a wall
to keep me out.
Dude, like it's going to be huge.
It's going to be amazing.
It's going to be great.
(audience laughing)
I think I need to get it together.
I do.
I need to get it together, man.