one of the key signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder is black
and white thinking which is also known as splitting so in this video we're
going to talk about exactly what that is as well as what you can do to overcome
it so stay tuned what is up everybody this is chris from the rewired soul
where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and we are back
with another video about borderline personality disorder one of the key
symptoms is black and white thinking some people call us splitting do me a
favor and share this video okay I cannot stress enough that black and white
thinking is something that people with BPD struggle with but this is like a
human problem just to a lesser extent alright and we really need to talk about
it and really wrap our minds around it because it'll help improve the mental
health of a ton of people even if they don't struggle with BPD so the first
question is what is black and white thinking or splitting so I mentioned it
in my last video about my personal experience with symptoms of borderline
personality disorder basically it is your view of a person and they they're
almost like they're two different people to you okay there's a good version of
them and the bad version of them there's no gray area it's not this person is
having a rough day or this person's in a bad mood is this person is bad they're
evil they don't love me they don't care about me you automatically just put them
into that filing cabinet I heard somebody say that having BPD is almost
like emotional amnesia right we we forget we forget all the good qualities
of somebody especially because the emotions are so dysregulated and all
over the place right and that's why it can put a strain on so many
relationships and different aspects of life like relationships with your
friends your family your boyfriend and girlfriend or husband or wife or your
children because when they do something that you don't like or it gives you a
fear right they automatically go into this category I think next thing you
know you're fighting or you're leaving or you're quitting and all
other things so black-and-white thinking can really really make your life
unmanageable and this is something that I personally struggled with for a very
very long time and right before making this video I was
thinking about man these these things still come up but they were much more
manageable so in this video I'm gonna teach you a very simple practice that I
personally use that really helps me step outside of the black-and-white thinking
which is very important because like I mentioned before like I had this really
bad problem with just destroying relationships with friends and
girlfriends and jobs because when I'm stuck in that mode of this person is
just all bad then I make really rash decisions and impulsive decisions I will
break up with somebody I will leave a job I will quit talking to my friend for
months at a time I will quit talking to family members for months at a time and
it's all because of my thought process and how things work so this practice
really really helps me figure out what's going on so before I jump in this
practice here's the way this issue was explained to me our brands have this
problem separating the truth from the false so in this practice what we're
going to do is we're going to separate the truth from the false so the truth is
the reality of the situation the false is basically what our crazy brain is
telling us based on fears so a lot of black-and-white thinking is based on
fears fear of abandonment fear of being disrespected fear of being lied to all
these things right so what we're trying to do is take a step back and logically
look at this and say ok here's the truth of the matter and here's my imagined
situation which I have no foundation of proof ok so that's what we're going to
do with this practice all right so let's go ahead and open up this WordPad
document if you would like you can grab a journal or whatever it is like in this
video I'm gonna explain it but if you want to come back to this video and do
this practice come on back so let's start with my mom okay
parents are something we always we have a lot of issues with if you're
struggling with black and white thinking relationships with your parents can be
tough right so for me personally I'm pulling from personal experiences like
you should not be self-supporting I always needed help I was asking to
borrow money and like all sorts of stuff for help and she wouldn't give it to me
so what we're trying to do is separate the truth from the false so what are
true statements about my mom and what are the false statements about my mom
what are the lies that my brain is telling me all right so truth what's the
truth about the situation so how do I know that time and time and time again
my mom if you watched my mother's day video - my mom I explained that my mom
has dropped everything to come be with me my life my mom has come from
California to Las Vegas just left work left everything and said I gotta go be
with my son Wow my mom does love me right so when my brain is saying all
these other things so like we get into this like kind of never mode right when
we are emotionally and raised right we get into this mode were like you never
helped me you never say anything nice to me you never care about like all this
stuff and these are lives that our brain is telling us and then we spit it out
like word vomit look at this I'm like oh wow like she has helped me in the past
she has done things for me so what are the false statements right so these are
the lies that my brain is telling me and a lot of these are based on fears an old
mentor of mine when I was working on my mental health he said Chris it's a lot
easier for you to fix you than it is to fix the rest of the world I'm like what
are you talking about but this is what showed me like it's not necessarily what
you are doing to me it's the way that my brain process
things and what I can identify that fact now I can start cutting the people in my
life a little bit of a break and I will do other videos on relationships and
boundaries and stuff like that but we need to be able to sit back and say is
this rational or is this like an imagined fear so a lot of these false
statements are gonna be based on fear so my mom doesn't love me my mom doesn't
care about me my mom doesn't want to help me here's a good one my mom loves
my sister more than me these are the lies that my brain tells me just because
my mom isn't helping me out right now so let's move on to another very real
scenario for people who struggle with black and white thinking having a
relationship is very very difficult I know in the past like if my girlfriend
was busy or didn't want to hang out or even didn't return my text messages I
would lose my mind and people BBD have very difficult
relationships because it goes from these extremes of clinging I want to spend all
my time with you in one moment and then the next one it's like we're breaking up
I never want to see you again you're the worst thing that ever happened to me all
these other things and a lot of those are based on fears to which we'll get to
in a second so let's say my girlfriend hasn't texted me back all day or she
doesn't want to hang out right so what's the truth about this situation all right
my gf loves me how do I know that she's she's told me okay
my gf loves spending time with me how do I know that because when we hang out she
smiles and laughs and you know she has offered to hang out with me
my GF wants to be with me she's told me before you know what I'm saying now what
are some of the lies that my brain tells me about this situation
my Jeff doesn't love me Jeff is going to leave me my GF is cheating on me like
when I am able to sit down and write this stuff out which is why I encourage
all of you to do this whether on a computer or in a notebook or whatever
it's like what I did this I'm like I am a crazy person but I am getting so angry
about these things that have had no factual proof about yet I am losing my
mind so lastly let's talk about work and employment okay so I'm somebody who has
been fired a dozen times in the past right back in my picture I was
constantly getting fired and like I have also worked for some very bad employers
so let's say I go into work and maybe my boss sent me an email critiquing my work
or he said something to me all these things and I saw going into this panic
attack alright with all these fears circling around me and it's important to
get this under control because I can be very impulsive I could say oh screw this
I'm out of here yell at him scream at him you know whatever it is and I'll
leave based on this impulsive decision based on these emotions which are often
based on lives my brain is telling me and then I quit I walk out next thing
you know I'm like oh my god how am I gonna pay my bills how am I gonna feed
my son how am I gonna feed myself so it's important to do this exercise with
employers - so a lot of this - was based on my own insecurities and this still
happens to me time and time again every time my boss is calling me or ask to see
me right I get like this like little mini panic attack right so like let's
start writing down the truth okay the truth
my boss likes me how do I know that the dude hired me right I'm a good employee
I'm a hard worker how do I know these things they've told me this right I show
up on time I follow through with commitments so like this is important
too because when I'm in that moment when those moments of fear like hey I might
quit just because I have a tendency to I'm gonna leave you before you can leave
me and that can happen at work right so what's false you know what I'm saying my
boss is going to fire me you know ii like my boss like has me do all these
things and extra assignments it always comes to me for help and advice and all
sorts of stuff like what is wrong with
my job I love my job I love what I do you know what I'm saying
so anyways anyways this is such an easy practice you could do it anywhere you
could do it at home you could do it at work like just take a second take a
break go out to lunch go out to coffee and write this stuff down and start
separating the truth from the false that will help to get you out of that black
and white thinking because you start to understand that that narrator in your
head is not always telling you the truth okay and it's important to identify our
fears because we don't we identify our fears we start to understand that the
rest of the world isn't always the problem a lot of it is based on our own
internal issues you know what I'm saying so anyways again please share this video
if you think somebody gets stuck in black and white thinking if somebody
goes from loving you to hating you you know this can help them out alright and
I hope you practice it as well okay but anyways stay tuned because I
have a bunch more BPD videos coming out this week all right
and let me know down in the comments what you think about this exercise is it
easy enough for you to do okay but anyways if you liked this video please
give it a thumbs up if you are new here I'm always making videos to help you out
with your mental and emotional well-being click that little round
subscribe button and if you want check out some other videos on the show you
can click or tap right there okay thank you again so so much for watching get
out of black and white thinking and I'll see you next time