Today we reinvent pool
by making it much, much worse.
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good mythical morning.
I couldn't agree more, Link,
because any morning that includes
guessing Russian snacks
based on their mysterious packaging is a good one.
- Mm-hmm. - And not only are we partaking in Putin's provisions,
but we're also bringing one of our favorite
meme's to life, in a brand new game about starter packs.
Starter packs. But first,
we're gonna play a game of pool.
But not your ordinary old, boring billiards.
I'm talking about a game that's filled with twists and turns,
and evil punishments.
You might even say it's cruel.
It's time for...
( "School's Out For Summer" melody )
♪ Pool's cruel for us guys ♪
Joining us for some cruel pool today,
it's pro-gamer, YouTube storyteller, and animator
and friends, Swoozie.
Link: Thanks for coming, man.
- Thanks for having me. - We look like three Wiggles,
if the Wiggles, uh, were...
- Played pool? - semi-professional pool players
and one of them died.
- What's a wiggle? - A Wiggle's like a--
- I'll tell you later. - You don't have children.
It'll blow your mind, man.
- ( laughs ) - I'm ready.
All right, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna be playing cut throat pool
which mean we have to eliminate the other persons
balls from the board before your own are eliminated.
- I am blue, Rhett, you are red, - Red!
and Adande you are yellow.
But there is a twist.
As you can see there are different punishments
around each pocket.
So if you hit an opponent's ball into that pocket,
they have to do that punishment.
And there's another twist.
There's numbers on the balls.
So they have to do the punishment
that the pocket lands in
plus the number that is on the ball.
which is a mystery,
which will be explained by our pool boy.
Yes, Chase.
Pool boy extraordinaire.
We told you to dress like a pool boy.
Yeah, I'm a pool boy.
( laughter )
I'm just like, ooh.
Link: The wrong pool, sir.
And of course, the last man
with his balls on the table wins.
Does this make sense enough?
Perfect sense.
Who's blue balls? That would blue balls?
- That would be you? - That would be me, yeah.
On purpose, or... It's just the way worked out.
- It's a sore subject. - Oh, okay. Got it, got it, okay. I'll let it be.
I'm about to hustle y'all so hard.
On some white men can't jump stuff.
- ( laughter ) - Ready?
- ( groaning ) - Link: Oh, nice!
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - Link: And nothing.
- Mm. - I'll go easy at first.
By the way, we don't have to call the pockets.
- we're not pool sharks. - Aww.
I'm gonna call it, but if I go in for another one
- it still counts. - Darn it.
What are you going for?
I'm gonna, uh, give Swoozie the mouth open.
Are you sure you want to do that?
( all groan and shout )
I'm gonna need you to relax.
You're at a seven, I need you at a two.
Oh, gosh.
Rhett, I'm gonna give you the wet noodle punishment.
Oh, gosh.
- Number nine ball. - Ooh!
That may be a six.
This is looking promising.
Gotta really get the angles,
this is like geometry.
Yeah, or like MySpace days with the--
( shouting ) Yeah!
All right, so pool boy, let us know, what is number six.
His shirt is still on.
Number six.
- ( laughter ) - While twerking.
Wet noodles down your pants while twerking.
Bring me the noodles, pool boy.
Now I think that the noodles should go down the back
of the pants for optimal twerking and noodling.
Yeah, you can't noodle twerk without
some, like, back action going on.
It's like mandatory. There you go.
No hesitation, he's going right in.
Link: Pool boy, you can help him.
My hands are full.
Swoozie: Are they, though?
I don't really want to be involved.
He was just holding that with one hand just a few minutes ago.
Link: You sure you don't want to scrape the bottom of his pool?
Do we have any music for me?
Twerk, man, twerk!
I can give you a beat, like a...
( beat )
Swoozie: Hey!
Link: Shake all those noodles loose.
- ( laughter ) - ( applause )
It's Swoozie time.
All right, let's do it,
I'm gonna go with the blue ball in...
Wait, we already did that, the wet noodles, right?
You want more wet noodles? That could be boring.
Listen, I mean, that's--
I mean, but his ball's right there just waiting...
just waiting to fall.
Uh. Well, I think if I miss this
the internet and the comments section will have a blast.
( screaming and laughing )
Okay, I'm gonna try to get that blue ball
down there to the mouth opener.
- Okay, let's see. - But as we've already established,
there's no guarantee it's gonna happen.
I believe in you.
Oh!
- We are not good at pool. - No, we're not.
So close.
♪ Peanut butter armpit time, peanut butter armpit time ♪
Swoozie: I think you got this.
- Nailed it! - Boom, Rhett!
- Game over! - I can't help my balls are in weird positions.
- ( laughs ) - So you have to...
Ask for three wishes from a genie.
Rub the peanut butter on the armpits and ask for some wishes.
I'm a little jealous about this one.
- Are you also the genie? - I can be.
( laughter )
How are you gonna do... oh.
Yeah, lift it up, lift the...
Yeah, as to how this is gonna go down.
I wish that for the rest of this game,
I don't have to put any more food onto my body.
- ( laughs ) - Mmm. I don't like that wish.
- Wish number two. - I wish that this peanut butter was warm.
( laughter )
It's cold?
And I wish that I would win but I don't think I'm going to.
- ( whimpers ) - Link: Aw!
- You're up again. - This the blue balls
Number three, right there.
I mean, yeah, if you miss that...
- That's-- - I mean, that would just be...
All right, let me, let me--
you smell really good, by the way.
Yeah, noodles and peanut butter.
Noodles and peanut butter all the way.
Trying to wet noodle me, huh?
Swoozie: Okay.
- Yeah! - Oh!
All right.
All right, Chase, number three for me.
Number three.
While getting an atomic wedgie.
- ( laughter ) - Swoozie: Wow.
Okay, who's gonna give me the wedgie?
- Who do you think? - Um, I could do that.
- Rhett: The pool boy. - I can.
Yeah, I'm a full service pool boy.
( laughter )
I'm going deep with this for wedgie protection.
- Swoozie: Ooh. - Because actually it's really nice to combine
- these two things. - You don't want a noodle up your sphincter though.
- That's true. - Hold on!
I didn't put it in my underwear.
You want it in your underwear?
Might as well.
- Yeah. - I thought you were wedgie'ing my pants,
- but that's not how a wedgie works. - ( laughter )
- 'Cause like-- - Swoozie: Double layer, man.
- Rhett: The ol' pants wedgie. - Swoozie: There you go.
These noodles are gonna be great... later.
Rhett: Oh, gosh!
Swoozie: It's a good thing he wore underwear today.
Ooh! My...
Now I've go it inside my underwear,
and outside my underwear for no reason.
- Perfect. - You are doing great.
- On three, ready? - Rhett/Swoozie : One, two, three.
( screams ) Oh, yeah!
The tables have turned.
- ( Rhett laughs ) - Swoozie: Tippy toes.
- Oh. - You earned it, Chase.
Rhett: I'm just gonna hit it really hard.
I'm really going for it, you may want to watch out.
- What do you mean? - I'm just going--
He's Leeroy Jenkins just trying to make some action happen.
Come on, yellow.
Link: What something can go in.
Swoozie: Okay, stay back. All right, great, great.
- Okay. - I'm going to go for your number seven
- ( squeals ) - so you can lick a shoe.
Do you really want to go for that?
That seems very ambitious.
- Look at Link, look at Link! - ( shouting )
- Oh, no! - He's a pool shark!
All right, number seven.
- What does Swoozie have to do-zie? - I think I'm being hustled now.
You gotta lick a shoe while nursing a baby.
- What? - Oh, gosh.
That sounds kind of fun, actually.
Okay, so I'm nursing the baby, right?...
Yeah, you nurse the baby.
Do we have a name for the baby?
Uh, Polita.
- Oh, wow. - Oh, wow, yeah.
Leave a blanket for privacy, bro.
Yeah, I mean, a baby can't nurse through the shirt.
- I guess. - Link: Apparently you've done that before.
- I have to lick it, like... - Yeah.
- Yeah, just, you know... - It's nice.
- ( groaning ) - ( laughter )
What does the baby think?
It tastes like peanut butter.
Were you dipping it in that?
( laughs )
They get into a lot stuff.
Yeah, I'ma hope it's peanut butter,
'cause it could be other stuff.
Okay, here we go. This is probably not gonna go well.
- That ain't gonna work. - ( laughter )
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, whoa! - It's set up.
I know that I can't make that shot.
- I believe in you. - I'm gonna try to make you tweeze nose hairs,
but I can't do these long shots.
There's not a chance, but I'm gonna try.
"Eye of the Tiger."
( shouting )
- I made it! Whoo! - Dang, all right.
And what is number two?
All right.
- Bro is tweezing nose hairs... - Link: While?
while being tickled by Chase.
- Coochie coochie coo, coochie coochie coo. - ( Rhett laughs )
I recently trimmed my nose hair so there's not much in there.
- Coochie coochie coo - Oh.
- Coochie coo.. - Swoozie: Does he need a mirror?
I love that he's actually saying cochie coo.
( laughter )
The place I am most ticklish is in the noodle.
Nope, just kidding.
( laughter )
Take this-- Take these tweezers and get out of here.
Uh-oh, see that form now?
When I bend over like this, the noodles really
- kiss the tanks. - Oh, gosh.
( laughter )
All right, so I'm just gonna kiss the edge of the eight-ball.
- And get you Swoozie... - Me?
To don a mouth opener.
- Le moi? - This is a tough shot.
Swoozie: I will... I'm impressed he's even attempting it.
- Rhett: Oh. - Link: Nope!
Again, you guys are at eight, nines.
I need you at like ones and twos.
Oh! Blue into the cheese mask?
- Oh, yeah, try that. - Mm.
That'll knock him right out of the game.
- Okay. I'm not nervous, have you seen him hit a ball? - ( laughs )
- ( shouting ) - Rhett: Oh, oh, oh...
- What? - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
- Aw. - Okay, Rhett...
I'll tell you that wet noodle really wants to come
- but, uh, this is not gonna happen. - Low hanging fruit.
I didn't use the right words there.
- It's okay. - Okay, okay, uh.
I'm gonna put-- I'm gonna put Swoozie into the mouth breather.
He's gonna attempt eight.
Whoa! What a shot!
- I'm back! - Nice.
- And what's eight? - Swoozie: What?
- Mouth opener. - Swoozie: I don't know if I want to...
while singing happy birthday sadly to yourself.
( laughs )
- Here you go. - I've never used one of these.
How does it-- is it like?
Link: Yeah.
Is this right?
- Yeah. - That is so right.
( laughter )
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
♪ to me ♪
( laughter )
( feigns crying )
♪ Happy birthday to me ♪
Is that good enough?
Do I look crazy enough right now?
That's pretty great.
Just a bit of a prayer, but...
I believe.
- Swoozie: Ooh! Ooh! - Rhett: Oh, oh, oh!
- Link: What's happening? - Rhett: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh...
- With authority though.
- Oh, oh, oh! - Nothing happened.
Uh, let's go here, here.
- Oh, what? - Yee!
- Peanut butter armpit again? - Yee!
- You're gonna give him double P's? - Three, two, one, ha-ya!
- Link: Oh! That was close! - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
Oh, you almost scratched!
Oh, doggie!
- I think you gotta lick a shoe, bro. - Uh-oh.
And then I'm eliminated from the match if you make this.
Swoozie: Oh, no.
- He's pretty-- - Miss it!
- Uh! ( shouting ) - Oh no!
It went in?
- I Tiger Wood's you, man! - No way!
- Number one. - No way.
- You gotta lick a shoe while breakdancing. - Rhett: Oh!
- Okay, hit it. - ( Swoozie vocalizes beat )
Oh, there's no music. Not for you either.
- There we go. - Whoa.
- Rhett: Whoa, the old reverse. - Swoozie: Directions there.
- Is that even-- - Rhett: This is the slowest breakdancing
I've ever seen in my life. He did it.
And then there were two.
All right, so, I think I'm gonna go
- for the cheese mask in. - Link: Go for the cheese mask.
Cheese mask and the win.
- Just cut it hard. - Swoozie: Yeah.
- You know what I'm saying? - Nice and hard.
Cut it hard like cheese.
No more blue balls.
Link: Oh, you almost hit wet noodles.
- Swoozie: Oh. - Link: And PB.
Aww!
Okay, Rhett.
- Ooh. - Ooh!
( shouting )
We'll do corner, corner, cheese mask.
- Ready? - ( laughter )
You better. You better strike it.
If you pull that off, you deserve everything
that goes along with it.
Aww.
Nothing that you said that was gonna happen, happened.
Swoozie: Come on, baby! Come on!
- Oh! - ( grunts )
You really set him up for mouth opener though.
Swoozie: I believe in you.
It's impossible, you've got to go
for tweezed nose hairs.
Don't tell me I can't do something.
( laughs )
Block his ball, block my ball!
Ooh!
( light saber sound, "Star Wars" score )
- ( Swoozie gasps ) - Link: Oh, oh, whoa!
Swoozie: Good job, good job, back this way. There you go.
Have you guys played pool on the iPhone?
I'm envisioning like the blue lines and all that.
Yeah. I'm much better at that.
Yeah, all right so let's get right... into the noon.
( screaming )
- ( laughs ) - You did it!
He came through! Cheese mask Rhett!
Okay, cheese mask, what do I have to do?
- While yodeling. - Mm-mm-mm.
- It's nice and cheesy. - Aww.
- Swoozie: Oh, no. - How do you want me to--
you want it to go over my ears.
This goes over your, like, neck.
- ( laughs ) - All the way over.
Down and that part goes over here.
- Oh, what does it smell like? - Mm, it doesn't smell good.
Swoozie: Not good?
( Rhett yodeling )
I'm a loser.
- Swoozie: You're doing great. - ( applause )
So we will never know what's behind that big number nine,
because Swoozie, the most important player,
- has pulled it off. - Good game.
- Congratulations. - Thanks, man.
Thanks for playing with us.
Now, check out Swoozie's YouTube channel guys,
and stick around because he'll be joining us later
when we play a new game about starter packs.
( Russian accent ) But up next, in Soviet Russia,
package food eats you.
Snackaging, Russian food edition is next.
Link:
with our mythical beverage cooler.
Available at mythical.store.