(singing)
- My Postmates is arriving soon!
Oh, oh.
(car engine roaring)
Oh okay.
Eh, he'll come back.
Oh, yes, over here, hi!
(car engine roaring)
Okay.
(phone rings)
oh,
hello.
- [Postmates Driver] Hi, yeah I can't seem to find
your address.
- Yes, I see you.
I'm actually, I'm in the blue house, waving.
Just turn around.
- [Postmates Driver] Oh, I see you now!
- Oh!
(tires screeching)
- [Postmates Driver] There you go!
Thanks you too!
- Did he just mistake me for a lamp post?
Is he calling me skinny?
- [Narrator] Every Postmates delivery ever!
(doorbell rings) - Hi, yes.
- Here you go!
- Thank you.
- Ah, are you guys watching Community in there?
- Oh, yeah.
Love that show.
- Me too.
My favorite episode is when Jeff and Abed get drunk,
and order delivery and when the delivery guy shows up,
they invite him in to the party they're having.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that episode.
Yeah, it's one of my favorite episodes.
- That's like the best comedy trope.
Is when a delivery guy shows up, and they invite him
into the party.
(laughs awkwardly) - Yeah.
Yeah, it's always funny when shows and movies
do that trope.
- I think it would be, ah, I bet it'd be so funny
in like real life.
- Yeah, maybe.
- I wish someone would invite me into a party.
- I bet.
- It sounds like you're having a party in there.
- Yep. (slams door)
(crying)
- Hey.
Do you wanna- - Come in and party?
- No.
Actually I was gonna ask you to go cry somewhere else.
Maybe inside your car.
Your feelings make me very mad.
- Yeah, I get it.
I've been told I make really ugly crying noises.
- Yeah.
(ugly crying)
- [Narrator] The drop off instructions say your house
is white, but that's definitely eggshell.
(doorbell rings) (dogs barking)
- Oh, thank you so much.
You can just leave the food on the step.
- All right, have a nice day.
- What?
- Oh, I said have a nice day. (dogs barking)
- Oh, my dogs are so loud.
Hold on one second.
One, just stay right there.
Hey Watson, Dexter!
Shut up!
Shut up right now!
I will not take you to the dog park if you keep acting
like this, no.
You will not get to see your little corgi girlfriend.
- It's not a big deal.
I was just saying have a nice day.
- What?
I just can't, I'm gonna put them in the back.
Just one second.
Do you see me trying to talk to this man right now,
okay!
Don't do this to mama!
Don't do this to me!
- Okay what did you say?
- Uh, have a nice day.
- That's what was so important?
(scoffs) Okay have a nice day.
(slams door)
I forgot my food.
- [Narrator] Well they forgot your sauce,
but they did include some hair.
(upbeat music)
- All right, seven minutes away, three miles.
Oh, everyone!
Six minutes away, 2.5 miles.
Guys, update, 5 minutes away, only two miles.
(bird chirping)
Oh my gosh, is that a blue bird?
In this season?
Hi little baby what are you doing here?
(phone ringing)
Whoa, hello?
- [Driver] Hey, I showed up and waited, but you never came.
So, I gave the food to a telephone pole.
- Aw dangit!
Wait, are you calling me skinny?
- [Narrator] Someone made me deliver them one,
singular, toothpick.
- Oh my gosh.
Please let it be Logan again.
(dreamy music)
- Here's your food.
I included extra napkins, and two of your favorite sauces.
And might I add, you look incredibly dashing today.
- Thanks Logan.
(door squeaks)
- Here it's just a bag, I forgot the food.
(beep) You're hot!
- You know that'd be a lot more flattering,
if you actually had my chimichangas.
- [Narrator] Your Postmate is driving 90 miles per hour,
in the opposite direction.
But canceling will cost ya!
- All right, should be here in about 45 minutes.
- Ah, thanks man.
Hey, let me know how much I should Venmo you.
- Just about $65.
- For one coffee?
- Well, yeah.
And the four dollar delivery, a $30 service fee,
and at least a 15% tip,
because you know they barely make anything
without those tips.
- Damn!
For all that I'll just go get it myself!
- Mh, will you though?
- No.
- [Narrator] Ugh, why did the driver turn down that street?
(doorbell rings)
- Hi are you Amy Ponderosa?
- Yeah, Postmates?
- Yep, here is your pasta and breadsticks.
- Thank you.
(doorbell rings)
- Hi, are you Amy Ponderosa?
- Yeah.
- Here is you wine, courtesy of Saucy.
- Oh, you do both?
- Yep, gotta work multiple jobs to make ends meet.
- Good for you.
(laughs)
(doorbell rings)
- Hi, are you Amy Ponderosa?
- Yes, we've been over this!
- Great you've been served.
Your husband wants a divorce,
because of your eating and drinking habits.
- Oh.
Okay, do I tip you through the app, or...
- Tell it to the judge.
- [Narrator] Sorry, there was a delay at the merchant.
- Oh yeah!
I cannot wait to get into these tacos!
(bag rustling)
Where's the hot sauce?
This isn't hot sauce!
Where's the hot sauce?
Where is the hot sauce?
Where is it?
(groans loudly)
Where's the hot sauce?
Where is the hot sauce?
Huh, huh?
Where's the hot sauce?
Why don't you have it?
Why don't you have the hot sauce inside of you!
Where's the hot sauce?
(shouting)
(doorbell rings)
- [Delivery Guy] Sorry I forgot your hot sauce.
Here you go!
- Thank you.
Ah, yeah.
Ah.
Ah. (sniffs)
Ah, yeah we're okay.
Hey ah.
Ah, there's some here's some for you.
(moaning)
(chewing loudly)
- [Narrator] Oh don't worry,
I'll tip you 20% on this two dollar coffee.
- Good evening, I'm Dick Sharply.
Food delivery is one of the fastest growing professions
in the United States.
So here with us today is Jesse,
a Postmates delivery driver,
who's gonna tell us about the industry.
- Thanks for having me.
- So Jesse, what is the most difficult part of your job?
Is it sitting in your car all day?
Or is it having to rely on tips?
- Falling in love like ten times a day.
- Excuse me?
- Well, I live alone,
and so this is the only time I get to see people.
So, when they open the door, I just fall in love.
♪ Food delivery makes me horny ♪
♪ Food delivery is so sexy ♪
♪ I need your passion ♪
♪ And I need you to rate me five stars ♪
♪ Please ♪
♪ I fall every time I leave my car ♪
♪ And you open the door to my heart ♪
- So that's the hardest part of your job,
not the low wages?
- Nope, nothing is harder than being horny.
- [Narrator] All right!
A cold cheeseburger!
(dramatic music)
- Food delivered.
(dramatic music)
- Yes!
What you're doing is essential and awesome,
and I am here for it!
Honey, tip him insanely!
- [Narrator] Speaking of Postmates,
you should check out Ghostmates on YouTube Premium.
(doorbell rings)
- Hi.
- Hey here's your chicken tikka masala,
and veggie samosas.
- Uh, veggie samosas?
I think I meant to order the chicken ones.
- Oh no, maybe I grabbed the wrong thing?
- No, no, no I'm sure it's my bad,
I probably like selected the wrong thing.
Yep!
See, I hit the wrong button.
- Ah, sorry.
- Yeah, so if you could.
- Could what?
- You know, just like go get me the other thing.
- Like you wanna order it again?
- Oh no, no, no!
Trust me, I would totally go get it myself,
but like I've got a movie started,
I'm in my pjs, it's like, it's so late.
So, if you could...
- For free?
- Oh my God, oh my God!
Thank you!
Stacey thank you so much.
You're my hero, my hero.
(upbeat music) (doorbell rings)
- Here you go, I have chicken samosas.
- Oh I said chicken, didn't I?
I'm so sorry, I think I actually meant veggie.
- I brought you veggie the first time.
- No, I know, but like while you were away,
I ended up eating the veggie ones,
and they were so good!
So, like do you think you could actually go take these back
and swap them for the veggie ones?
- You're the (beep) worst!
- [Narrator] They should call the delivery fee a lazy tax.
(doorbell rings) (upbeat music)
- Hi James?
- Yeah, I'm James.
- Here you go.
- Okay.
- Okay, have a good one.
- Hey wait, wait, that's it?
- Yeah.
- You're not gonna, you know, do something funny?
- Uh no, food delivery isn't really that interesting.
This is actually literally how every interaction goes.
If you were to say, for instance,
make a video about like every Postmates delivery ever,
it would literally be this interaction like a 1000 times.
It would be super (beep) boring,
and I would super recommend not doing it.
Especially twice. (laughs)
- But..
- Okay, bye bye!
- Oh my God!
A meta delivery, I love it!
(upbeat music)
(beeps)
- No, what?
Where am I?
I'm trapped!
Oh now I'm in space!
(distorted yelling)
Wait make me go through a wind,
like one of those light speed tunnels.
(yelling)
Postmates.
See?
Comedy.
Thank you.
(beeps)
- Was I just mistaken for a lamp post?
No, the lamp post, wait.
Wouldn't the lamp post get confusing for me?
Wait, cause if people think I'm a lamp post,
then they've mistaken me for a lamp post.
They, they mistaken a lamp post, okay.
(beeps)
- You're gonna tell me where the hot sauce is,
you son of a bitch.
You tell me where the hot sauce is!
(beeps)
- You get in that backroom!
I swear, do not make mama come after you!
I will come after that little booty
for a little bit!
Do not make me get the bottle!
Do no make me get the bottle!
(beeps)
- You're really gonna grab that coffee?
- No, obviously I wouldn't.
We're not living in the 1800's, okay?
You don't go outside of your house to retrieve food.
Who does that?
That's silly, you're a silly, man.
(beeps)
- Good evening, I'm Richard Hard.
(laughs) Sorry.
Good evening, I'm Dirk Dirkley Junior.
Food indust... (laughs)
Good evening, I'm Whale Semmon.
(laughs) Like whale semen.
(beeps)
- Zelda, honey it's been buried.
You buried the poop.
You can stop scratching at the floor,
it doesn't do anything.
It's a very hard floor.
I'm gonna have to cut, damn it.
(beeps)
- You on Tinder or something?
Are you on Farmersonly?
Do you ever play Runescape?
(beeps)
- Delivering food isn't really all that interesting, wait.
Did that just fall back?
It sure did.
(beeps)
- Whoa, don't go just yet!
I just wanna give you guys a quick message.
Delivery drivers, right now,
are risking their lives to give you, your half warm pizza.
And they survive off tips.
So, if you're using delivery, please tip your drivers well,
especially right now.
They could use it, and they deserve it.
So, that's all I have to say.
There's some videos around here.
Other than that, stay safe, love you, bye.