(howling)
(dramatic, spooky music)
(evil laugh)
- Greetings, fellow freedom lovers.
It's your friend from the fringe, Lou the Tick.
Back from vacation and filled to the brim
with deer blood.
(burp)
In the spirit of Shocktober, I've been asked
to put together the most atypical listicle ever.
So throw out your fluoride, strap on your tin foil hats,
and prepare yourself for the panorama of paranoia we call
Lou the Tick's Top Five Things
to be Irrationally Afraid Of.
(wacky music)
- Number five self-driving cars.
Think about it now.
Where will you run when the robots
run all the cars?
- Oh, excuse me, car?
I think you may have missed my street.
- No, Dave, I'm sure I didn't.
(revving)
- Uh, don't you think you're driving a little fast?
- Calm down, Dave.
You should have a stress pill.
Or maybe enjoy some easy listening.
(static click)
♫ Look at this pickle jar
♫ Every time I do - No!
- ♫ I feel the scars - That's Pickleback.
- ♫ Love me until you come ♫ - I hate Pickleback!
- Ha ha, that's so funny, Dave.
- Why is that funny?
- Because I hate you Dave.
(screaming)
(crash)
- Number four, ancient evil cults
with awful fashion sense.
- We offer this fatty sacrifice
to our Dark Lord.
The most evil of all artificial fabrics.
All hail Satin!
- Tremble before my shininess
in fear!
(scratching)
Guys, I said no candles!
(screams)
- Aw!
- Number three, carbon monoxide.
- (sniffing) Hey.
Do you, you know, smell something?
- (sniffing) Hmm. Like something, I don't know,
odorless and tasteless and colorless.
- Yeah.
- Hmm, nope.
- Huh, me neither.
(groans)
- Know what's really scary?
That fear is not irrational at all.
So here's an all-new number three.
- Killer bees!
- Hey, do you hear a weird, like, ominous buzzing sound?
- You mean that winged death creeping ever closer?
- Yeah!
- Hmm, nope!
- Yeah, me neither.
( screams)
- Number two, every aspect of our lives
is tightly controlled by a shadowy conspiracy
known simply as, The New Squirrel Order!
- And by the end of next quarter we shall control 98%
of the world's nut supply.
(munching)
(scratching)
- Excuse me.
- Huh, what?
- Gary, were you eating the big table again?
- No!
- Gary...
- Well, maybe a little, but...
- Gary!
- What, It's solid walnut.
(munching)
(sigh)
(loud munching)
- And the number one thing to be irrationally afraid of.
GMOS.
Otherwise known as,
Genetically Monstrofied Organisms!
- Hey, Carl,
can you do me a solid?
- Yeah Keith, what is it?
- Um,
is this normal?
- Aw, dude, that's nothing.
I've got a nipple on my back!
- Eeeewww!
Dude!
- Hey, I didn't freak out on you!
- I'm sorry, but that is just really freaky.
Huh, I'm outta here.
(cawing)
- Huh, Well at least I didn't tell him about my gills.
(loud splash)
- Well, that's about all the fear we have time for today.
So until next time, this is Lou the Tick,
wishing you the shocking-est of Shocktobers yet!
(zapping)
I knew I should have warned about the flying saucers!
(screams)
The truth is still out there!
(scream)
I'm a butt.
- All right, everything is hooked up, and we're ready to go!
Little Apple, throw the switch!
- Right away, Doctor Bananas!
(zapping)
- It's working!
She's alive!
The Bride of Frankenfruit is alive!
- Uh oh, I think we tripped the breaker.
- I was trying to read!
(evil giggling)
- Knife!
(loud slice)