- [Kati] Hey, everybody, Happy Thursday!
I'm sorry this video's coming out a little late.
I went and got a massage. Hence, why my hair is in a pony
and kinda looks greasy, cause it's filled with oils.
But I haven't had one in a long time
and I was doing a little self-care.
And I went by my PO Box
and I had the biggest mail haul of all time. Yay!
I'll post some photos on Instagram
so if any of you are wondering if your letters arrived
check Instagram (katimorton1),
and I'll post all the photos there.
And thank you all for sending me mail.
Who doesn't like getting mail?
I love sending cards and getting mail
and the whole mail thing in general.
It's so amazing.
So thank you all who took the time
to write letters and put those in the mail for me.
On Thursdays, I'm on Twitter.
I've already been on chatting with many of you,
answering your questions and letting you know
if I'm answering your question on the video.
I have four today so I better get going
cause I talk too much and don't get much done.
And then I have a journal topic from Jeana Rae
who sent me a letter in the mail
with a journal topic in there.
So thanks Jeana and let's get going, okay,
before this like fifteen minutes long
and everybody's like, "What are you doing, Kati?"
First question:
"Hey Kati, can you start relationships
when you're recovering
or is it always a bad idea?
I find myself pulling away
as soon as things might get serious.
I sleep with people I really like, never call them back,
and then I hate myself for it.
Have I not found the right guy
or am I not ready?
I feel that there's something wrong with me.
I'll never be happy with someone.
Should I stop dating for a bit
or give up all together
or just push through?
Please help."
Now, I want to talk about this first of all
because it got a lot of chatter.
I know that many of us have relationships
or are trying to find the good relationship for us
and we're also working on recovery
or mental health issues in general.
I talk about this a lot because relationships are important.
It's good for us all to find someone that we care about
and who makes us feel good,
even if it's just a friendship relationship.
We're still building relationships.
When it comes to romantic relationships and this question,
oftentimes, I find that when we're struggling
to be connected and we push people away,
we're frustrated with the situation,
and we're like, "God, I really like them though,
why didn't I call them back?
Why did I do that? And duhdaduhdada..."
It's usually because we're not ready
and something else is going on.
You could take a break. There's nothing wrong with
going through things the way you are
but if you aren't comfortable and you don't like it--
which it doesn't sound like you do--
then I would encourage you to take a break.
Assess what you're looking for in a relationship
and what's important to you and then figure out
who may fit into what you're wanting out of a relationship
versus just finding yourself flung into them
and getting frustrated and not being ready
and feeling like you're then pumping the brakes.
It can kinda help when we feel more prepared
and more part of the initial process
versus just falling into them.
Now, let's see what else is there.
Maybe you haven't found the right guy.
There are a lot of moving parts in relationships.
It can be who we've found or not found, the type of person.
Where we see red flags and maybe
we don't admit it to ourselves.
"Maybe that's why I pushed him away.
He obviously drank too much for me."
Or whatever, I don't even know.
Or maybe it may be that we're not ready.
I would spend some time, think about it.
I think oftentimes we rush to judgements on ourselves
and we automatically think, "I'm messed up, it's my fault."
Or blablabla, when it could be a whole bunch of things.
So when you find a situation in a relationship going south
and you're having trouble,
I would take a pause and considering what's going on
in your life, what's going on in their life,
what caused it do you think,
and how do you plan on rectifying,
what would make it better.
Just take time to think about things.
Process where you are and how you feel about it
then proceed from there.
All of the time in relationships,
it's not 1 person. It always takes 2.
There's 2 people interacting and so
every time you interact with someone
it may have been them that time and not you
and vice versa, a little bit of both.
So slow it down.
Think about where you're at and how you're feeling
about who you are and what you're doing
and what you really want.
Then go out there and find it. Okay?
Question number 2, "What's your opinion on therapists
with a website about themselves and their approach--
CBT, DBT, et cetera--and those without?
Can these websites help me find a good fit? Thank you."
Now I thought this was interesting
because I haven't actually talked
about websites and stuff before.
I actually don't have my own website
for my therapy practice.
Obviously, I have katimorton.com
and if you haven't gotten on there,
I would get on there and check it out.
I updated all the t-shirts and stuff
so let me know what you think about that:
if you like what they have
or if you want me to create something different.
I think it's a good thing.
I, honestly, would like
to see a picture of my therapist
as well as, how they write, what they're about.
The way that they verbalize it can
tell me a lot about who they are as a person.
But obviously all that's like judging on the surface.
Someone else could have written those things.
I think it can help people figure out
if they take insurance and what the process is.
It can help us be a voyeur,
look at it and then decide if we want to call.
It can also show us what they look like.
If we're not comfortable seeing a man
and the name is an androgynous one,
like Corey could be a boy or girl
but we see that it's a guy and we're like,
"Ook, good thing I didn't call
because I wouldn't have wanted to see him."
That can kind of help, but to help you find a good fit,
you really need to make an appointment
and see them person to person.
Because that's how we can really tell
if we jive with people. Right?
Question number 3: "I hope I'm not too late."
You're not too late. I was late today.
"Can birth control pills affect your mood?
I've been taking them for 4 weeks
and I don't feel like me.
I've been really depressed
and I've completely lost my appetite.
Is this normal? Thanks."
No, it's not normal.
Birth control pills can really,
really affect our mood.
We're taking hormones, is really what you're taking
and that's how birth control pills work.
Every birth control, just like every medication
in general, is different. It has its own certain
mechanism of action and the way the molecule
is put together and why the scientists in the lab
found it to keep us from getting pregnant,
it's always different.
Obviously, they're always working within
a certain range of what they're targeting
to stop us from getting pregnant,
but the side effects of that can be--
I had a girlfriend once, who said that
she took a medication called Yaz, Y-A-Z
and she said that it made her feel psychotic.
She was crazy, she was hearing things.
It can really affect us mentally,
cause hormones really affect our mood.
I would call your doctor, immediately.
I would tell them you're having a bad reaction
to the birth control, that it's making you feel
really depressed, that you're having a depressive episode.
Ask them what other options there are.
In my own experience,
there are many that are low hormones,
which means they have a lower amount of
the hormones that tend to give people those side effects.
Maybe one of those might work for you.
Like always, I'm not a physician.
I don't prescribe medication.
But this is something we need to talk
to our doctor about sooner rather than later.
You're not alone. This happens to a lot of us.
We have to find the right fit,
because birth control is something you can be on
for a really long time.
Okay, question number 4: "Hey, Kati,
I really struggle with compulsive exercise.
How can I get back to a healthy relationship with it?"
I thought this was a great question
because many of us struggle with
exercise and finding balance.
Am I right? It's hard to find balance in life.
And when it comes to exercise, I would work
with your dietician or nutritionist
and your therapist.
Now, the reason I say all those things--
and people are like,
"But I don't have a dietician,"
or "I don't have a therapist."
Try to find one.
It's really important during this time.
I mean, there's a lot of work you can do on your own.
But the things that they would work on you with
so you get an idea of why are you even seeing them
is slowing integrating exercise
in a healthy way for what you're eating.
Because the thing is, usually
we compulsively exercise as a way to cope,
it's a way to, potentially, if we have an eating disorder,
make up for things that we've eaten
and we're compensating with our exercise.
They make sure that it's healthy for your body
and what your body can do.
They help you integrate it in a nice manner
where then we check in.
Then, where the therapist comes into play,
when we check in with, "Okay so you
did your exercise twice this week
instead of once last week.
Can you tell me how that feels?
What is was like not working out and working out."
We'll talk about the process of how you feel about it,
if you think it's still a coping skill.
And we try to replace it with other things
while letting you be active in a way
that's healthy for you
and your body and your mind.
Now I know that's a lot to take in,
but that's why it's really important
that you work with a therapist
and you work with a dietician on it.
Preferably someone who's worked
with eating disorder patients
because compulsive exercise is really linked to that
and chances are they'll have worked with it before
and will have a good plan in place for you.
That way you can integrate it,
cause we all can live active lives.
No one says recovery means
we have to sit around all day
because that's not healthy either. Right?
But all things in moderation.
So we have to find a healthy way to integrate it
and I would encourage you,
if running was the thing that you did most,
because I have that, that's the most common with my clients,
I would encourage you to not do that,
we're going to try something else.
Maybe we go paddleboarding once,
maybe we go for hikes with friends
so it keeps the pace relatively mellow.
We go for a walk, we walk our dog.
Things that aren't what we we used to use,
so we don't go right back into that coping skill.
Now, journal topic. Thanks, Jeana Rae.
This is really cool. I like this,
because I love music as you all know.
"Something that I have been doing lately is,
a song lyric wall.
I take all of my favorite song lyrics
and put them on a wall in my room.
It reminds me of the journey that I am taking.
Each lyric that I have
means something in a part of my life."
I thought that was really cool.
It's like quotes or lyrics, things that mean something
to you, that motivate you, or are positive.
I would encourage you to keep it
on a positive note or something that is like,
"I overcame that and that was
the song that I listened to
when I was overcoming that."
It can be really powerful.
Lyrics and quotes can be
quick things we read in the morning
when we're having a shitty day already
and we woke up and we're like,
"Ugh, really?"
We can read those and it can keep us motivated.
I thought that was a really good idea,
so thanks, Jeana, for sharing that.
Thank you all, so much, for your questions
and all of your journal topics
and all the stuff you sent me.
That is wonderful.
Again, I'm going to be going through all my letters.
Sean got his first letter,
his own fan mail in my PO Box
so he's reading it right now.
- [Sean] (cheerful hoot)
- [Kati] So, anyway, I'll see you all tomorrow
cause it's finally Friday and I'll be on Facebook
so ask your questions there using the hashtag,
#KatiFAQ. Bye!