[ Slurping ]
'Scuse me! 'Scuse.
Sorry! Coming through!
Um, what do you think you're doing? I'm sitting here.
Steve: AHHH!
Unh! Aaah!
Don't freak out. It's vintage.
This fox has been dead for like 70 years.
I wear it to remind me of my grandma.
She was a stone-cold fox. Still is actually.
And what a bitch. I really admire her.
I can't believe it!
That my grandma is my best friend?
What? No.
I was supposed to be sitting next to a girl up there.
I had the perfect plan.
We were gonna fall in love on this bus.
Well, your "perfect plan" had a fatal flaw --
love doesn't exist.
Anyway, hi. I'm Ali.
Well, I'm Steve.
And that's insane. Of course love exists.
No, it doesn't.
It does, and it conquers all.
Me and that girl up there are soul mates.
Which girl?
The girl drinking milk.
What's her name?
"What's in a name?" Shakespeare.
So you don't even know her name.
You're distracting me. I have to do something!
Something embarrassing?
I'm writing a note
asking her out on a date once we get to Philly.
Smart move -- weird and embarrassing.
Pass this up to Milk Girl.
I can't believe I get to watch this.
Believe it, honey.
That's a ghost pepper.
AAAAHHHH!
Help! Somebody help me!
[ Inhaler hisses ]
[ Gasping ]
[ Retching ]
[ Steve retching ]
Hi, Steve! How's it going back there?
I need a drink! Please! AAAHHH!
Heh! Nice try, kid!
You're an amazing chaperone.
[ Panting ]
Ugh! Ahh...
Hunh!
Well, my life is over.
So, she got your note.
She says...yes.
We've never actually met Milk Girl,
but we've adjusted our wills to include her.
Producer: Oh, we were hoping you could tell us how you two met.
Us? He picked me up on the side of the road.
Anyway, back to Milk Girl.
She's a tenth grader...
Both: Drinks a [bleep] ton of milk.
Roger: ♪ Bada BA ♪
♪ Bada BA ♪
God, I love Philly!
Philly is the Paris of America.
Yo! Wha kinda steak dja'get?
Wiz wit plus peetzer?
Mm. Ye lookit dem jawns.
Roger: Mm, the food, the language, just gorgeous.
I can't believe people wonder why I do this.
♪ Bada BA ♪
♪ Bada BA... ♪
Thanks for meeting me.
The janitor told me this spot had the most romantic view
of the Holiday Inn across the street.
Got milk? Heh. Why, yes, I have.
So, I've been watching you, not in a creepy way,
and I know I don't "know" you, but I feel like I do,
and I hope you won't mind me saying so, but...
I love you.
Oh, my God, Steve. Of course you do.
And you do know me. And you do love me.
Because...
I'm Reese Witherspoon.
What?
This is so great!
It is?
Yes!
I had to go undercover as a high-school student
to prove to the studio I could still play a 17-year-old.
They said if a boy asks me on a date
and says he's in love with me, they would make the movie!
So thank you, Steve.
You single-handedly greenlit "Election 2: Omaha Drift."
Wait. Do you even like milk?
I hate milk.
I'm just a really good actress.
Oh, my God!
Reese: I also do my own stuuunts!