>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU KNOW MY FIRST GUEST AS THE STAR OF
"NCIS," NOW IN ITS 17th SEASON ON CBS.
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW," MARK HARMON!
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
TO THE SHOW.
HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE.
>> THANK YOU.
HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU DON'T DO A TON OF TALK SHOWS.
>> I DON'T.
>> Stephen: SO WE'RE SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE.
ANY TIME I MEET SOMEBODY WHO DID SOMETHING THAT YOU DID, I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND, BECAUSE I'M KIND OF JEALOUS.
YOU WENT ON "CARSON."
>> I DID.
>> Stephen: TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS LIKE.
BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE EVER MET THE MAN.
>> HE WAS INCREDIBLY NICE AND PART OF THE ADVANTAGE FOR ME
THERE IS I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.
I MEAN, I KNEW LATER THAT HE COULD DESTROY YOU IF HE WANTED
TO.
>> Stephen: SURE, FRIENDLY TIGER.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT YEAR ARE WE TALKING HERE?
>> 190 2.
>> Stephen: IT WAS YOU.
IT WAS WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT.
AND KEITH RICHARDS.
>> WELL, YEAH, NO-- YOU KNOW, THE-- HE WAS-- HE WAS A REALLY
NICE MAN.
AND-- AND I WAS ON THE SHOW, ACTUALLY, TWICE.
I DID IT ONCE, AND THEN THE SECOND TIME I WENT BACK, THEY
HAD A COMIC ON THERE THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WAS GOING TO BE ON
THERE.
AND HE WAS-- HE WAS A COMIC THAT I REALLY LOVED, AND I WALKED
OUT, AND HE WAS SITTING IN THE SEAT HERE.
AND I WAS BEHIND THE CURTAIN.
I DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS THERE.
AND I WALKED OUT, I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE HE WAS HERE,
BECAUSE I KNEW ALL HIS ALBUMS -- >> Stephen: WHO WAS IT?
>> COME ON, YOU KNOW WHO IT WAS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> Stephen: TELL-- TELL ME ONE OF HIS JOKES.
>> WE'RE BOTH CATHOLIC, YOU AND ME.
>> Stephen: YES, YES.
>> AND EVERY CATHOLIC KID THEY KNOW --
>> Stephen: IT WAS GEORGE CARLIN.
>> YES, IT WAS, SIR.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THAT'S ANOTHER THING TO BE JEALOUS-- I NEVER
GOT TO MEET CARLIN.
>> WELL, I HAD NEVER MET HIM EITHER.
I HAD WORKED HIS CONCERTS.
I HAD WORKED CONCERTSAISE KID IN COLLEGE.
HE WAS SITTING THERE, AND CARSON WAS WHERE YOU WERE, AND I
COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS GEORGE CARLIN, WHICH CARSON PRETENDED
TO BE IGNORED.
I KNEW ALL OF HIS BITS.
>> Stephen: DID YOUR PARENTS KNOW YOU LISTENED TO GEORGE
CARLIN WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER.
HE WAS FAMOUS FOR "THE SEVEN DIRTY WORDS YOU CAN NEVER SAY ON
TELEVISION."
>> HE WAS.
>> Stephen: DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY WERE?
>> I DO.
>> Stephen: WE CAN'T SAY THEM.
WHAT WAS THE FIRST TALK SHOW YOU EVER DID?
>> FIRST TALK SHOW, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN MERV GRIFFIN.
I'M NOT SURE.
BUT I DID A REALLY FORGETTABLE MOVIE "BEYOND THE POSEIDON
ADVENTURE."
>> Stephen: YEAH, SURE I WAS INVITED TO A TALK SHOW, AND I
HAD NEVER BEEN ON A TALK SHOW, EXPISTLES THE LAST GUEST.
WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW IS THE FIRST GUEST GETS TO TALK LONGER AND AS
YOU GO TOWARDS THE END OF THE SHOW YOUR TIME SHORTENS.
BY THE TIME I GOT OUT THERE, LITERALLY, I HAD LESS THAN 30
SECONDS.
PROBABLY 26 SECONDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS.
I WAS THERE.
AND THEY CAME BACK FROM A COMMERCIAL.
AND THE HOST SAID, "HEY, WEREN'T YOU A FOOTBALL PLAYER?"
AND-- AND-- AND PETER BOYLE, WHO WAS ALSO IN THE MOVIE, HE TOOK
THE QUESTION.
HE WAS DOWN THERE.
AND HE WENT, "I PLAYED FOOTBALL!"
SO ALL OF A SUDDEN THE CAMERAS WENT OVER HERE.
AND ALL I KNOW IS I WAS JUST KIND OF LISTENING TO HIM TELL A
FOOTBALL STORY.
AND MICHAEL KAINE, WHO WAS THERE ALSO KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING,
AND HE JUMPED IN.
AND HE SAID, "FOOTBALL, WHATEVER, I DON'T KNOW WHATEVER
ELSE HE DID, BUT HE'S A GOOD YOUNG ACTOR AND PEOPLE SHOULD
KNOW THAT ABOUT HIM."
LIKE EIGHT SECOND S.
>> Stephen: WOW.
>> YEAH, THAT WAS SO NICE.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
>> NOTHING.
>> Stephen: LITERALLY YOUR FIRST TALK SHOW.
>> NOT ONE WORD.
>> Stephen: NOT EVERYBODY CAN SAY THAT.
NOT EVERYBODY CAN SAY THAT.
>> I'M PROUD OF YOU.
>> Stephen: GOOD FOR YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS.
I HAVE-- I HAVE-- I REALLY WANTED TO GET THE STORY BEHIND
THIS PHOTO RIGHT HERE.
YOU'RE IN TOWN BECAUSE YOU RECEIVED AN AWARD FROM THE
NATIONAL FOOTBALL FOUNDATION, WHICH ALSO HONORED YOU BACK IN
'73 AS A STUDENT ATHLETE AT THE TIME.
>> RIGHT.
>> Stephen: AND THIS IS A PHOTO OF YOU-- IS THIS AT THE
CEREMONY?
>> IT IS.
>> Stephen: THIS IS YOU AT THE CEREMONY.
THAT'S YOU RIGHT THERE.
AND WHO'S THIS GENTLEMAN RIGHT HERE?
>> UH, THAT'S MY DAD.
>> Stephen: THAT'S MY DAD.
AND THIS GUY-- >> THE DUKE.
>> Stephen: JOHN WAYNE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: OKAY, I WANT TO GET TO WAYNE IN A SECOND.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN THIS TUXEDO THERE?
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: BECAUSE, LISTEN, YOU'RE A HANDSOME MAN.
YOU WERE VIBRANTLY HANDSOME YOUNG MAN.
NOT EVEN YOU CAN MAKE THAT TUXEDO WORK.
WHAT-- WHAT?
>> I-- I-- I IT CAME FROM CALIFORNIA.
I DID NOT KNOW.
I BROUGHT A SUIT.
I GOT HERE, AND THEY SAID, "YOU HAVE TO HAVE A TUX."
AGAIN, 1973.
THERE WAS A TUX STORE ACROSS THE STREET.
I WALKED ACROSS THE STREET.
THERE WAS A DOVE-GRAY TUXEDO IN THE FRONT WINDOW WITH A FRILLY,
PUFFY SHIRT.
AND THAT WAS ME.
THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: YOU LOOK-- IN THIS, YOU LOOK LIKE ONE OF THE
REJECTED OSMOND BROTHERS.
WHAT WAS-- WHAT WAS THE DUKE LIKE?
DID YOU GET TO TALK TO JOHN WAYNE.
>> NO, NO.
WE ALL WAITED IN LINE.
WE WERE EXCITED TO MEET HIM.
AND ALL NIGHT, ALL NIGHT HE CALLED ME "REBEL."
>> Stephen: WHY?
>> BECAUSE I HAD A GRAY TUXEDO ON.
>> Stephen: HE THOUGHT YOU WERE SOME DAMN HIPPIE.
>> HE SIGNED MY PROGRAM, "TO THE REBEL, MAY THE WIND ALSO BE AT
YOUR BACK, JOHN WAYNE."
>> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE IT?
>> I DO YOU.
>> Stephen: HAVE LIVED A RICH LIFE.
>> NO, I HAVE A LIBRARY.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A LONG AND SUCCESSFUL ACTING CAREER.
DID YOU HAVE ANY MENTORS, PEOPLE WHO GAVE YOU ADVICE?
>> I DID.
I HAD A LOT OF THEM.
AND THERE ARE MANY THAT-- MICHAEL CAINE STANDS OUT.
AND WHO STANDS OUT MORE THAN THE OTHER ONES IS KARL MALDEN WHO
WAS ALSO IN THE "POSEIDON ADVENTURE" MOVIE I TALKED ABOUT
BEFORE.
THE MAN WHO DIRECTED THAT CHESZ IRWIN ALLEN AND HE WAS CALLED
THE MASTER OF DISASTER.
>> Stephen: "THE TOWERING INFERNO."
>> I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I WAS JUST HAPPY TO GET PART AND I WAS ON THE SET AND I DIDN'T
KNOW HE WAS A SCREAMER, BUT HE WAS A SCREAMER.
AND HE-- HE GOT IN MICHAEL CAINE'S FACE.
AND MICHAEL CAINE HEARD, LIKE, TWO WORDS AND HE WAS GONE.
AND THEN I THINK SALLY WAS THERE, AND GONE.
AND SLIM PICKENS, GONE.
AND HE WENT THROUGH THE WHOLE LINE, AND HE GOT IN MY FACE AND
I'M A JOCK, AND HE SCREAMED AT ME, AND I STOOD THERE AND
LISTENED TO HIM.
AND HE DID THAT FOR THREE DAYS.
AND THEN, ON THE THIRD DAY, SOMEONE JUST STEPPED BETWEEN ME
AND-- ME AND-- HIM-- YELLING AT ME.
AND THAT GUY, I JUST SAW HIM FROM THE BARK PUT HIS HAND RIGHT
IN HIS CHEST AND BEEN LOOK THIS AND SAID, "FROM THIS MOMENT ON,
IF YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY TO THE KID, YOU SAY IT TO ME FIRST.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" AND IRWIN KIND OF PUFFED UP AND
WALKED AWAY.
AND THE GUY TURNED AROUND.
IT WAS KARL MALDEN.
AND HE SAID, "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU LIKE TO LEARN?
DO YOU LIKE TO LEARN?" I SAID, "I LIKE TO LEARN."
HE SAID, "I LIKE TO TEACH.
HOW ABOUT I'M YOUR TEACHER.
I'LL BE YOUR TEACHER FOR 27 WEEKS, EVERY DAY HERE."
AND THAT WAS LIKE MY MASTER CLASS.
BUT HE, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU YOUR FIRST LESSON."
"OKAY, FIRST LESSON."
"NEVER TRY TO BE BIGGER THAN THE STAR OF THE MOVIE."
I SAID, "OKAY."
HE SAID YOU KNOW WHO THE STAR OF THIS MOVIE IS?"
I SAID, "MICHAEL CAINE?" YOU?
IT'S THE ( BLEEP ) SHIP.
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
>> Stephen: IT'S THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE.
>> YEAH.