Hey beardlovers.
So in the previous video we discovered that the whale is still missing and possibly kidnapped.
To reiterate...
Reiteration complete.
This is a unique opportunity for me to show you the steps you should take when you lose
something important to you.
Step one.
Whyyyyy?
Step one probably wore you out.
So step two.
Wheezy Waiter Bad dreams, bad dreams.
Step three.
Punch a clone.
Ah, invigorating.
- Nope.
Not at all.
Step four.
Ask around.
Excuse me, round.
Do you know where my whale is?
What's that?
The whale knows where you are so you know where it is?
That's circular logic and it doesn't ring true.
It's fear that I feel for you right now.
I've discovered that you're just spinning your wheels at this spot in your life.
Try to stay in the loop or become forever eclipsed.
Oh duh!
I didn't mean ask a round.
I meant ask other people.
Classic case of misunderstanding myself.
I'm gonna ask other people using computer technology!
Okay, let's go west coast first.
Okay, dialing up.
Hey, williamhaynesTV.
- Oh hey, Craig.
You can just call me Mr. TV.
- It's an honor to talk to you, Mr. TV.
I'm a big fan.
Small talk small talk.
Listen, have you seen my whale lately?
- Oh, you mean that over there?
- Hmm?
- Oh sorry.
That's just the new couch.
Haven't seen your whale.
Sorry.
- Dah!
That was rude.
Okay, let's do the Florida coast.
- Oh hey Craig.
What's up?
- Hey Bobby.
I'm coming to you as a father.
- Chyna's pregnant?
Oh dude, we got so much planning to do!
Like where's your shower gonna be...
- No.
No no.
I'm coming to you as if you're a father.
- But I am a father.
- I don't have time for your life story.
Listen, say your whale is missing...
- I don't have a whale?
- Okay, say your daughter was a whale.
- Hey!
You watch it, buddy!
She's only a year and a half.
Sometimes kids grow out before they grow up.
- No, literally a whale.
- I don't like nor do I understand where this is going.
- You know what?
You have paternal instincts.
I could use you on my journey to find the whale.
- Journey?
- I don't have any of their albums.
But listen, you wanna take a trip with me?
- Well, where are we going?
- Wherever the whale is.
I'll get back to you.
- I'll have to check with my girlfriend.
And then I'll have to get a passport...
- Awesome!
Bye!
Hmm.
Who next?
East coast!
- Beth, My Damn Channel.
My whale is missing.
- Oh no!
That's my favorite whale.
- But you've never seen my whale before.
- Oh.
Right.
Of course not.
Yeah, no.
Oh, I...
No, I never snuck into your apartment late at night to go for a swim in the whale tank.
I never, never would do that.
- You're saying 'never' too much.
- Never.
- Do you have any ideas?
- We should have a live show to raise awareness here on MyDamnChannel.
- Okay.
- But you'll have to come to New York.
We could do it Tuesday the 24th.
Right here.
- New York?
That's where Seinfeld lives!
- Yes!
- And we can do the show at Seinfeld's house!
- No.
- Okay, deal.
Hmm.
West coast, Florida coast, East coast...
Mid coast!
Dan Rezler lives by the midwest ocean.
Hey Dan, tell me about whales!
- Hmm.
Whales.
Let's see.
Well, did you know the blue whale has the largest penis out of any animal on Earth,
sometimes measuring up to eight feet.
So if I had to guess....
- Okay, that's not relevant information.
Nor does it make me feel adequate as a man.
What else do you know?
- That's kind of everything I know about whales.
- Science is gross.
- Is science gross?
Or is it simply your own perception?
- Good point.
Bye, Dan.
Hmm.
What other coasts are there?
Ah, the British coast.
Or the Queen's coast as they say.
No one says that.
Okay.
Hey Tris!
- Hello Craig.
- It's amazing that you're all right there at your computers ready to speak to me.
Anyway, have you seen whales?
- Absolutely, yeah.
- Excellent.
Where?
- Uh...
The lower western half of Great Britain.
- That's great.
Did any of them have American accents?
- Welsh mostly.
- I don't even know what kind it is.
What kind were they?
- Excuse me?
- You know, humpback?
- I mean, I guess there is an aging population.
- Killer?
- Um, an average amount, I guess.
- Sperm?
- What?
- How about beluga?
- Oh, you're talking about whales.
- What did you think I was talking about?
- Wales.
- Are you okay?
- Hang on.
Didn't your whale used to hang out with Michael Phelps?
- Yeah.
- They're having the Olympics right now in London.
- Ah ha.
So you're saying my whale is at a local bar watching the Olympics and drinking a pint
of beer.
- No.
No, no.
I think Michael Phelps might have taken your whale to London.
- Gasp!
I guess we're going to London.
But we gotta stop in New York first.
- Okay, are we done here?
Or....
? - Oh no.
- Okay.
What else do you want to talk about?
Nice beard, can I say...
- This is gonna be quite an adventure.
- Oh, okay.
We are done.
Okay, bye!
- Bye!
- Was that to me?
Or....?
Bye.
Where'd he go?
That was rude.
Wheezy Waiter I didn't finish my list.
Step five.
Head to New York to be on MyDamnChannel live at 4 pm on July 24th and then head to London
during the Olympics for three weeks!
That's right.
I'm gonna be in London for three weeks trying to find my whale.
Step six.
Be strong.
It's hard to lose the things that are important to you but you gotta remember the things that
you do have.
Such as the people around you.
I have these five awesome friends who are gonna help me find my whale while I invade
London.
We've even come up with a team name.
Team Super Jackal Hawk Tiger Explosion.
Those are all things that the whale likes.
There are other teams that are going to London too and YouTube created a page for all of
them.
I don't know what those teams are going for, and frankly I don't care.
Team Super Jackal Hawk Tiger Explosion is the best.
I'll see you in New York live on MyDamnChannel on July 24th.
And then I'll see you in London.
I'm going to have to learn how to speak British.
Blimey.
That was a sticky wicket.
Guv'nah.
No, I got it.