(grass rustling) (liquid burbles)
- Ah, you're pretending to play chess.
- Go away, Stan.
This is a serious game.
- You're a chicken and a pig.
How serious can it be?
- Chess represents the intellectual battle between a person
and their own inadequacies.
Thus undistinguished persons are prone to behave poorly.
- So you think only dumb people freakout when they lose?
- (chuckles) Any player can maintain composure,
but to remain calm in a loss is truly dignified,
as you will soon know.
- Then let's make this fun.
If I win, you have to bow and call me the true intellectual
of our friend group,
as only the most dignified person could.
(liquid burbles)
- I do say, ol' chap, what a petty wager.
I accept.
If I should win, you'll clear out that horrific dirt pile
Stan left next to the house.
- Deal.
And how shall the great Grandmaster Porkchop return
from this setback?
And check!
This is why you shouldn't underestimate me.
I'm the true intellectual.
Say it.
- You're not a true intellectual.
- We made a deal!
- Deal with this!
(Chick grunting)
- Ow, hey, that hurt.
Whoa!
- Hi, guys.
- How did we not know about this room?
- Not to brag, but I did a great job hiding this wing
of the house.
- Unlikely... but the skull is cool.
Aren't you worried about piglin zombies
taking over the house?
That painting doesn't exactly lock.
- Yeah, what's the worst that can happen?
I'd rather go out and explore the world
and meet someone new than stay home.
- We've been to the nether before.
- Not every biome.
I want adventure, fear, and my eyes to bleed with joy!
- That's not a thing.
- Well, I'm making it one.
(sniffs) Ah, sulfur, nature's perfume.
- No way.
Did you just say... what I think you said?
- Um, no.
Wait, yes. Which is better?
- Dude!
He likes smelling your farts.
- I do not!
I said I like the smell of sulfur gas.
- (chuckles) He admits it.
(both laughing)
- No need to be rude.
- Lighten up, it's just a joke.
- Jeez, you guys just need to chill.
- Let me handle this.
Look, bully to bully, I see what you two are doing.
I get it-- Stan's an easy target
with his dumb face and words.
- Hey! - But let's just move along.
Okay?
(Magma Cubes laughing)
- Is he serious?
- Wow, you sound like a lame dad.
- I hate you.
- None of you are cool enough to hang out with us.
Get out while we're still being nice.
- This is you being nice?
- I'm officially done being nice.
(Stan yelps)
What was that?
- (groans) They're demons or something, man!
I told you to stop picking on creatures we don't recognize.
- No, you didn't, liar!
- Yeah, that's right.
Scram!
- He's gone.
- [Both] Stan?
- This is not what I meant when I said
I wanted to visit new biomes.
- [Chick] Stan probably clipped into
the wall and suffocated.
- [PorkChop] He'll have respawned by now.
- [Chick] Good.
The house is likely infested
with those creepy zombie piglins.
- Hey, only I get to complain about my weird cousins.
- They just stare, and stare... and stare.
Crap.
(birds chirping)
Our portal must have linked with someone else's.
We can't get home.
- I thought this was a private server.
(light bulb pops) - Ha! I win, dumb light!
(door bell dings)
- [PorkChop] What if they're rude? Or mean?
Or... carnivores?
- We're just going to be polite
and tell them their dumb portal
connected with our dumb portal,
and they better fix it or else.
(door bell dings)
Ugh, great.
No one's home.
I'm leaving them a nasty note.
- [PorkChop] Can we fix the portal ourselves?
- [Chick] If we had the coordinates to our portal
in the over-world, we could--
- Oh, you mean 205, 78, 374?
- Yes! How do you know that?
- I'm the true intellectual of our friend group,
if you must know.
- Ugh.
Hey, watch where you're going!
(Mooshroom moos) (Mooshroom chewing)
- Aw, you made a friend at your IQ level.
How sweet.
(Stan groans)
- This is such a lame watch.
(women sobbing)
I don't want your baklava!
(body squishing)
- Are you sure this is gonna work?
- As surely as 205 divided by 8 equals 25.625.
- Okay, if you're so smart, what's 374 divided by 8?
- 46.75.
We're here.
(metal clanking) (tool whirs)
- [PorkChop] If this works, which it won't,
I'll bow and call you a true intellectual.
- I don't get it.
You always take Stan's side on stuff.
Do you really have that little faith in me?
- Prove me wrong, then we'll see.
- Oh, yeah! That's right.
Now, I know you won't actually bow or compliment me, but...
(instrument plays)
- You are the true intellectual of our friend group.
(Chick gasps)
Do you...
Do you really mean that?
- (sighs) Yeah, I guess.
(Chick giggles)
(audience cheering)
(zombie pig sniffs)
- Oink.
You guys are the best, oink.
- Ugh, I don't want to have to deal with these losers.
- Allow me.
(PorkChop screeches) - Everybody, out!
Out! Oink!
(zombie pigs oinking)
Jerk!
- Who wants a chess rematch?
- Ugh.
- Um... Stan?
- Also, only a small percentage of people
that watch my videos are actually subscribed.
- Hey, bud, everything okay?
- So if you end up enjoying this video,
consider subscribing; it's free,
and you can always change your mind.
(bones crack) (PorkChop and Chick scream)
Enjoy!
(Mooshroom crunching) (serene music)
(Mooshroom moos)
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