[Music]
JARED FREID: I assume most people are good people, so I think the hardest thing about
breaking up with somebody is plain and simple, you're saying to someone I don't like you,
I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you.
No one wants to say that to somebody.
RACHEL SUSSMAN: If you are going to break up with someone, y'know, take a minute to
think how your partner or your soon to be ex-partner is going to accept that message.
[Music]
JARED FREID: Every relationship I've ever gone in has gone 20% too long.
There's a moment where I say, okay, it's over.
And then about 6 months after that, I'm out of the relationship.
RACHEL SUSSMAN: If you're someone who's indecisive or you're afraid of being alone, you can procrastinate.
JARED FREID: Guys procrastinate on breaking up, yes!
Yes, we're terrified of you.
We're all pussies.
RACHEL KLEINMAN: That's what guys do.
Slowly taking one foot and stepping out the door and waiting until the girlfriend is so
miserable she has to end things.
JARED FREID: 9 out of 10 guys are trying to drive the girl that they wanna dump to dump
them.
RACHEL KLEINMAN: It's terrible, it's a terrible thing to do to somebody.
[Music]
JARED FREID: The problem with girls is they like the idea of a relationship more than
they like some of their relationships.
They care about the story.
Jared and I are getting brunch this Saturday.
Jared and I are doing this.
Jared and I are doing that.
But they're not saying, well Jared has no real prospects of doing that well and I don't
know where this is going, but we did go apple-picking.
RACHEL SUSSMAN: That's not a good reason to stay in a relationship because you're nervous
about being single or you're nervous about change.
If you feel the relationship has run its course, y'know, you owe it to both of you to get out
of it.
[Music]
RACHEL KLEINMAN: I'm gonna go with a very conditional yes on that.
JARED FREID: If you've gone on 2 dates and the girl says, hey what are you doing this
weekend and you text her back, I had a really great time with you those last two dates,
but I think we're better off as friends.
That's totally fine, but that's not a breakup.
If you're calling it a breakup, it should be done in person or at the very least on
the phone.
RACHEL KLEINMAN: People should be really up front about their breakup expectations early
on in a relationship.
Three or four weeks into a dating a guy, at one point that I really liked and things were
going well.
And what I said to this guy was I just want you to know that if at this point you want
to end things with me, it's no longer okay for you to just blow me off.
I need you to let me know.
You have to pick up the phone.
JARED FREID: Here it is.
If you've gone past second base, make it face-to-face.
That's my motto from now on.
[Music]
RACHEL SUSSMAN: Once you've decided in your mind that you need to end a relationship,
your next step is to really set up a meeting to articulate that decision to your partner.
JARED FREID: I always think coffee.
You can be told anything over coffee.
And plus the coffee doesn't have to be finished.
It's like a $2 investment.
It's not like you went out to dinner.
[Music]
RACHEL SUSSMAN: You want to try to speak in "I" statements.
I want to break up with you.
I've decided that this isn't a good relationship for me at this is why.
JARED FREID: The line is always it's not you, it's me.
But that's always BS.
It's really, it's not you, it's us.
Us together isn't the match.
So you say, hey listen, I'm just not happy in this relationship.
We're just not made for each other and we're both better off of this in the long run and
I wish you all the best.
That's a breakup right there.
RACHEL SUSSMAN: Break uppers always get a really bad wrap, but y'know some people really
have a good reason for ending a relationship and like I always say if it's done well, if
it's handled with class, it can be a very healthy breakup.
- Hi, I'm Rachel Sussman.
I'm a relationship expert and the author of The Breakup Bible.
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