Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
'I like you.'
In 1974 Cathy Lee Crosby starred in TV pilot Wonder Woman
'Nobody can replace you'
Ooh that's unfortunate.
This version was inspired by a specific plotline in the comics in which Diana Prince has no powers
and instead uses martial arts.
All that makes her wonder woman is her sense of justice
'And there is the basic morality of right and wrong'
and...
'You see my plane is invisible'
But we don't even see that. I mean obviously we don't see it but - you know what I mean
'Even if I don't like it'
A brief prologue shows us Diana's origins
'The hope that your presence in the world of men will open closed eyes to the genuine value of women'
and she furthers this noble cause
'Don't forget to call to maintenance about the air conditioning'
by becoming a secretary
'What do you think D?'
'What can anyone think with that many lives in jeopardy?'
But no. That's just a cover - she's America's top secret agent and is more than a match for the men
'To this night'
This handsome bad guy may have turned up to their date in the high school prom tuxedo
but he's got all the lines
'Let me make love to you'
'Why'
'Because your eyes reach into...'
'You misunderstood me, I didn't mean why should you want to, I meant why should I?'
shut down!
'Don't you find me attractive... appealing?'
On top of this she wears a costume more practical than revealing.
This wonder woman may not have powers but she is empowered and I can't believe I said that but it's true,
she kicks ass
while the men are left holding an ass
Although I do suspect this donkey of being in league with a robot monster
There are issues, after Diana takes out the bad guys
she apparently just let's them go as they show up 2 scenes later to plant a box in her hotel room
is it a bomb?
The bomb would have been more effective, but look at how she deals with a snake wrapped around her ankle
'Send up a container of milk with a saucer'
I love this woman
'You are that unique woman, Diana - the wonder woman'
But I more or less forgot she was wonder woman.
'I don't care about the others'
This isn't a superhero movie, this is James Bond.
But without the sex, even when we get to the bad guy's inevitable bikini pool party
(stock sound pool party)
I don't really get why, but I like the subversion
(pool party sound turned off)
The bad guy even has a secret base
'Inside the north wall of the grand canyon'
and speaking of the bad guy...
'You are exactly as I pictured you.'
KHAAAAAN!
'May I show you around.'
See James Bond. Admittedly on a TV budget, so Ricardo Montalban has 3 henchmen.
4 if you count the donkey wrangler
'You must be the one who sees to the burro'
'Yes sir.'
And his escape plan would make Blofeld blush with embarrassment
Also he gives up way too easy.
'You came close.'
She's unarmed, get your self together
'We've got to kill her'
'no, no, no, no, no, no, no'
But still, this is a pilot unencumbered with origin story
'You did a beautiful job gentlemen,'
it's a got a strong female lead
'You're always one step ahead of me'
and the recurring villain is a renegade Amazon.
Why didn't this succeed?
'Wonder Woman, I love you'
Because it's called Wonder Woman.
A bunch of comic readers would have recognised Crosby's version of the character
but for most of audience that's not wonder woman
'The most basic and simple factors are the ones we overlook'
To the extent that, you really wonder, why the costume?
She finally puts it on 40 minutes in for covert surveillance
Yep, no one'll spot you now
This is like James Bond in a bad way, she's another spy who everyone already knows
'Wonder Woman - she's here'
'I'm standing here looking at her'
Except her co-workers who are all spies
'Here's today's surprise'
This is a decent 70s spy show that's massively undermined by trying to make it something it's not.
'I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I'd met you under other circumstances'
And how. But to end on a happier note, here's the screen-test for a 1967 version from the man who created Adam West's Batman
'Away you vision of enchantment. You havea a job to do.'
You see how much worse it could have been?
'The nation needs Wonder Woman'
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Are there any other underrated TV pilots lost to the mists of time? Let us know in the comments below.