Dude I have a new idea for a... song for the band;
Umm... Married to a baby
Steve: Nooooooooo...
I mean,
Who would've guessed,
That our internship program,
Where the tasks involve using your hands,
Partially to create subtitles,
But also reaching a demographic of,
I guess kids, because they're coming out of college
They're college kids,
Thats what they're called.
So we titled the internship program:
'Hand-jobs for kids'
it just made sense,
Who would've guessed that people would derive
Negative connotations from that?
Not me!
I didn't tell Parker that
James would be coming,
Specifically because James has
A history of hurting Parker, emotionally and physically.
Lately I've noticed a direct correlation
Between how mean I am to Parker,
And how often I see him.
For some reason, the more mean I am,
the more I see Parker.
As a utilitarian I believe in the greater good, therefore
I made James apologize to Parker.
For the greater good.
Of not seeing him.
As often.
*Cough*
Turns out everybody in the room wanted to teach Parker how to fight,
Everybody had their own weird style,
That they thought Parker would do best at.
Yet for some reason,
I think I already knew the answer to that.
Either way,
It was OUR duty to get to the field and train Parker.
To make him a more confident human being.
Only time could tell which fighting style would prove
the most beneficial for Parker's weak body.
We weren't surprised that Cib knew very little about fighting.
And we were even less surprised to find out that Jeremy was not teaching Parker about fighting at all.
All we could hope, is that between Cib's fake fighting style,
And Jeremy's, I don't know, gardening?
James' training would still prove effective.
The time wasted with Jeremy's lessons was definitely counteracted by James!
After 38 years in the military he really did learn a lot.
Effective.
Thoughtful.
This is how training should be.
We were all surprised at how fast Parker was learning.
And I could tell James was worried.
Cib was devastated.
He's never lost a brawl before.
Granted, that's because he only fights handicapped children.
And that's not his choice,
THEY seek HIM out.
I'm not so sure that Dojo exists.
But what I do know, is that Cib told us he learned a special move there.
A special death move.
His intention was to show it to Parker,
So Parker always knew his place.
The death move being like a nuclear bomb,
And that if Parker didn't stay in his own lane,
It would be used against him.
We were all surprised,
Shocked,
And proud of Parker's accomplishments.
It really seemed like the training made a difference.
But there was only one real way to find out
We had to test it in public
We had to test it with a guinea pig.
Faced with a real challenge, we'd know how much Parker actually progressed.
It started out exactly how we planned it,
But what happened next changed our lives forever.
(Aaron Carter - That's How I Beat Shaq)
Little did we know,
The lesson Parker learned from Jeremy,
Would actually come in handy.
It was,
An emotional time.
For just Parker.
We all gave our separate eulogies,
And headed on our way,
Never to speak about this moment again.
And to always know, that man's body will always be buried in Parker's back yard.