Sorry everyone, She-Hulk has got so woke it’s starting to make me choke. I’ve just asked
the Mrs to bring me a Lemsip tea.
For She-Hulk, I’ll probably a need a gallon of it. Injected directly into the veins.
Here’s the full episode three wokedown of the wokest show on telly, She-Woke: Attorney
at War with Men.
She-Hulk opens with that recap and then that skip button comes on the screen.
I pushed it half expecting it’d skip the whole show, but Disney does like to make us
suffer.
She-Hulk’s like that crazy woman in Misery and us poor viewers are that bloke getting
his ankles hammered in.
I can’t remember what happened to him at end of film, but it must be like how I feel
finishing these episodes.
She-Hulk confronts Mr Orange over why he’s turning into Abomination. What did you expect,
love?
Did the same thing in Reservoir Dogs.
He’s watching himself on telly. What kind of monster watches themselves on TV?
They must be absolute bloody narcissists...
or YouTubers.
He says he was forced to leave his cell by a sorcerer supreme called Wang. Why is he
called Wang?
It’d be like Dr. Strange calling himself Dr. Dickhead.
If a bloke in robes came into my jail cell called Wang, I’d probably see my life flash
before my eyes.
Well, that’d be better than the other kind of flashing you’d be expecting in prison.
We then get She-Hulk’s best mate and secretary talking about Wang while it looks like she’s
modelling for Vogue.
If I lounged around like that in my job my boss would have my head on a stick. Are law
firms that chill and laidback in America?
She-Hulk asks if she can get hold of Wang. No problem, her mate says.
She’s set a thirst trap? What? Did I hear that right? What the bloody hell is that?
How come it’s alright in this show for women to flaunt their sexuality, but as soon as
a bloke does it he’s a sexist bastard?
Turn the cringe up to 11. Every time She-Hulk talks to the camera I feel like a kid again
wanting to hide behind the sofa.
She tells us we really want to see Wang. Not really, love, not that way inclined, but keep
talking. She tells us not to worry.
This is not one of those ‘cameo every week’ type shows. You’re right, love.
It’s one of those ‘so woke it’s a joke’ type shows where all the blokes are painted
as sexist pigs or weirdos.
She finishes with a threat, ‘just remember whose show this actually is’.
I nearly shit myself there. Almost asked the Mrs to get me a new pair of undies.
‘She-Hulk’ represents ‘Abomination’. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Perfect
synonym, mate.
This news report flashes and I’m thinking, ‘not that woke so far, must be different
writers for this episode. Let down.’ Then...
A massive woke tsunami. Tide after tide of woke, woke, woke. Get me more Lemsip now!
We’re running out, we’re running out!
We cannae’ take the woke strain, captain!
This bloke says, ‘they took the Hulk’s manhood away and gave it to a woman?’ You
what, mate? Did we miss the announcement where the Hulk had his wang removed?
Whoever wrote that line must be a massive wang...ker.
All these tweets cracked me up. DomTheBountryHunter: ‘So we gotta have affirmative action with
She-Hulk.’ Er, are we still in one of those bloody multiverses?
There’s already been woman superheroes. Why would there be this backlash?
Also, you already showed in the recap that she was cheered to high heaven when she walked
into a pub? What is going on here?
HardSeltzerSteve: ‘No more female superheroes, plz’. Why would a bloke who loves soda water
be this sexist? And if he was this sexist, why would he say female?
Surely he’d saying something proper sexist like, ‘no more Hulks in drag’ or something.
Bit of a polite sexist there, mate. Gave the game away.
DarbyDontCare: ‘Why are you turning every superhero into a girl. No one asked for that?’
Huh?
These sound like tweets about the TV show, not tweets that are supposed to take place
with a real She-Hulk?
Who’s turning superheroes into girls? Is that the plot of the new Avengers film?
Some supervillain comes in with a sex change machine and turns Spider-Man into Spider-Woman?
Am I going crackers or what?
NotHereToMakeFriends: ‘Why everything gotta be female now?’ What are you on about? Who’s
turning everything female?
I know Twitter is full of morons, but at least they usually make some kind of sense. Even
the off their rocker woke ones.
These ones sound like bot accounts set up by She-Hulk herself to boost her popularity.
NeillsntSorry32: ‘Wow. Someone find a reason to cancel She-Hulk’. The writers are having
an absolute wetdream here, aren’t they?
They’re in pure fantasy land, wishing up a world where all men are toxic arseholes
and all women are meek and downtrodden.
How do you cancel a person? Again, these woke writers don’t even make sense. I’ve seen
more brain cells in your average amoeba.
@MomsFavorite: ‘So we have a metoo movement and now all the male superheroes are gone’.
Gone? Gone where, mate? Did Thanos come back to click his fingers and make all the blokes
disappear?
She-Hulk’s in the same world as all the other superheroes. Does her existence suddenly
make all other superheroes vanish?
It’s woke, but even worse, it’s pure gibberish writing. No logic detected.
Team He-Hulk? This world has like a thousand superheroes, but apparently all these sexist
blokes fixate on poor little She-Hulk just because she’s a woman? Come on.
Then we got this video stream with loads of misogyny. Full credit to the writers here,
though. Before this, it was all evil, sexist white blokes.
Now they bring a bit of diversity in. True equality. Cheers writers.
@justbeforeDawn: ‘I like the idea of her I just wish she would use her platform to
stand up for endangered lemurs. It’s like she doesn’t even care’.
At this point it’s like the writers can’t even be bothered to keep up the charade anymore.
Lemurs?
They’re just going full blown parody now, trying to make it sound like anyone who criticizes
She-Hulk is a complete idiot.
@housewife4life: ‘OMG shut up this is so stupid. She-Hulk isn’t even real. She is
just some media puppit’.
All these episodes full of girl power and R E S P E C T, then they have a go at housewives,
making them sound like woman-hating conspiracy nuts.
It always makes me laugh when the woke mob insult housewives. How dare a woman want to
be a housewife, eh?
She should be in the office slaving away all her free time for low wages? What a joke.
Why can’t a woman just choose what she likes?
Maybe she likes office work, maybe she likes engineering, maybe she likes housework? Who
cares? A woman shouldn’t be pressured to work just to stick it to the patriarchy.
She-Hulk walks in and says, ‘I don’t care what anybody says about me’
You hear that line a lot, but as soon as you say the wrong thing about them, they want
to shut you down, get you cancelled.
I really wish she didn’t care what anybody said, then 90% of the show wouldn’t be about
sexist arseholes upsetting her.
He’s back! Dennis the menace, otherwise known as Mr Misogyny stock character 101.
Expect everything he says to be the most sexist thing you’ve ever heard in your life. He
makes Rob Chubby Brown sound like Roy off Coronation Street.
Immediately he says, ‘not Jen Walters’ No way does this lad want a woman representing
him.
A hot chick barges in and Dennis puffs out his chest. ‘I can’t talk to a 10 about
all this embarrassing man stuff’.
Yeah, because blokes call women 10s right in front of them, especially at law firms.
Says she could be his next fiancé and winks. The wink seals it. Only the most chauvinist
of male pigs wink at women.
He asks that the male lawyer represents him. The one who he knows nothing about. He just
wants him because he’s a bloke. Of course.
That’s how all men think, isn’t? What was Johnny Depp thinking? No, really, what
was Johnny Depp thinking?
Turns out Dennis has been defrauded by a shapeshifting alien from Asgard. This alien was pretending
to be Megan Thee Stallion.
He blew his wad on her...
I mean her blew a wad of cash on her. Trips to Bali, luxury cars, you name it. The lad
has been had.
Wang penetrates this hole. He agrees to help out Abomination with his trial.
A fool and his money are soon parted and there’s no bigger moron in this show than Dennis the
misogynistic menace.
The lawyer bloke tries to get him to admit how much cash he blew on Megan Thee Stallion’s
ass. 170,000 dollars.
Jesus, mate. Move to my neck of the woods in Yorkshire. A bag of chips and a kebab on
the way home is enough to do it.
Do sexist blokes spend that much money on women? Did the writers do research on it?
On the computer we see the shapeshifter for the first time. Looks like Helen Mirren, but
in one of those clown mirrors.
This reminds me of Wonder Woman 2 where she uses a bloke’s body against his will to
have sex with him in the form of her dead boyfriend.
If the boot was on the other foot there’d be protests outside Disney headquarters.
For some reason it’s alright for a woman to trick a bloke into the sack, but if a bloke
did it, they’d have his guts for garters.
Dennis comes back in, but he’s walking funny. Even funnier than She-Hulk.
Oh shit! The real Dennis calls. Security! I don’t know why the lawyer didn’t figure
it out in 2 seconds.
The real Dennis badmouths women every chance he gets. The fake one went a whole 15 seconds
without making a sexist peep.
The shapeshifter walks out the office and morphs into the lawyer. “I love harassing
women in the workplace, it’s my kick, baby”
Eh? Is the shapeshifter some kind of woke genie sent in to right the wrongs of all the
sexist arsehole men in the world?
Up until this point the lawyer was the only normal bloke in the show, now he’s harassing
women?
The real lawyer says, ‘I don’t. You guys know me’ But it’s obvious we’re supposed
to think he actually does.
Of course, he’s a massive misogynistic bigot. He’s a bloke. In the world of She-Hulk,
being born with a wang automatically makes you a sexist, doesn’t it?
The search for a regular man in She-Hulk continues.
It's time for Abomination’s hearing and his seven groupies show up. He met them through
the prison pen pal program. Love how woke this is.
This bloke is such a bastard his nickname is Abomination, but he’s still got seven
lasses fawning over him. They’ve even agreed to set him up financially.
We know what the writers are getting at here. Society is so patriarchal that an absolute
tyrant like this bloke can get let off the hook and have loads of women to take care
of him.
Clock’s ticking for Abomination to escape justice then...
Wang pops up with the ‘get out of jail’ free card. I asked Abomination to leave jail
that time he was outside, your honour. Let him go, mate.
Dennis is in the doghouse, or the courthouse rather, and it’s not looking good. The shapeshifter
has everyone convinced that he knew he was banging a woman old enough to be his great
grandmother. Court takes a break.
The judge is back early and dismisses the case, but it’s clear as day it’s the shapeshifter.
Even her lawyer’s like, ‘that’s not on, love. Impersonating a lawyer is illegal’.
See. Lawyers are honest people. When they are women.
Abomination shows he can control his monstrous urges. Let that be a lesson to all the blokes
watching. Control yourselves, lads. You don’t have to be primitive beasts.
She-Hulk’s back in the bar with her mate. Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. She’s
always a complete misery guts in every bar scene. If drink had that kind of effect on
me, I’d never drink again.
A protester has graffitied on her car, ‘a monster defending a monster’. Poor She-Hulk
again getting bullied by all these arsehole sexists off Twitter.
One of them apparently left his mum’s basement with a spray can.
Her mate gives some solid advice: just do an interview and all your problems will disappear
like Wang.
Lawyer bloke shows up and they complain about how deluded Dennis is to think Megan Thee
Stallion would fancy him.
The only delusion here is the writer’s thinking this is a scene is worth watching.
She-Hulk testifies that Dennis is a big enough deluded arsehole to think Megan Thee Stallion
would want a piece of him.
No amount of god awful CGI could make She-Hulk look faker than Dennis. He’s a walking,
talking woke stereotype for sexist blokes.
A cardboard cutout with chauvinist catchphrases.
Judge makes his decision. Shapeshifting Stallion has to pay back all the cash Dennis blew on
her and serve 60 days in jail for impersonating a judge.
Ah, so it was the judge trick that did it? Not the fact that she catfished him for money
and sex. Sounds reasonable, mate.
Dennis says she needs her powers stripping to stop her abusing more men. She-Hulk talks
to the screen and says it’s given her a good idea, but don’t tell him that.
Obviously. We’d hate for a man to get any credit on this show.
Abomination is let off under one condition: he has to have his manhood removed like Hulk.
No more powers under any circumstances.
We can’t trust him not to become a monster, even though he proved he can control himself
earlier. No, he’s a bloke.
A wild animal with beastly desires. Get him on a leash.
She-Hulk hits the airwaves to say she doesn’t like her nickname, but a sexist bloke nicknamed
her it, so she has no choice but to stick with it.
She-Hulk is so woke she doesn’t even want to be She-Hulk. Were the writers too embarrassed
to work on this show?
Is this their apology to the woke mob on Twitter?
This reporter bloke seems promising. Hasn’t said anything remotely sexist. Oh wait. Now
he wants to report on her diet and exercise secrets.
Another typical arsehole bloke in She-Hulk.
At this point in the show the writers must have started panicking. This is a superhero
show, but nothing to do with superhero happens.
No badarse action scenes. It’s all badmouthing blokes and boring courtroom drama. The solution:
She-Hulk gets jumped on the way home by a gang of thugs.
All blokes, of course.
Big mistake, lads. This isn’t just any woman. This is the green, mean feminist fighting
machine and your arses are getting smashed.
She whips their arses in less time than it takes to eat a bag of Maltesers.
Post-credit scene. Oh shit. I think all the Lemsip is coming back up.
All in all, lads and lasses, I give episode 3 a 9 out 10 woke rating.
Some epic woke moments with the tweets and man-hating shapeshifting, but it did lose
a bit of woke momentum in the middle.
Will She-Hulk achieve an elusive 10 rating? Keep watching the wokedowns to find out.
Come on, you can do it, She-Hulk!
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