Emotional intelligence or EQ is a term that researchers came up with within the late ’80s
and early ’90s as a way to explain why seemingly intelligent people, often do really stupid
things. Some people have a really high IQ but a low EQ. Think of the wacky professor
who doesn’t brush his hair and wears mismatching socks.
Emotional intelligence is defined as a measurement of your ability to process emotions, both
yours and others, and come to sound decisions.
Unlike IQ, which can be very challenging to change, your emotional intelligence is something
that can be developed and worked on like any skill, and today I am talking about 3 easy
ways you can increase your emotional intelligence. Let’s get into it.
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The first way to start increasing your emotional intelligence is by simply being self-aware.
As with anything that you are trying to develop, you cant start working on it until you know
what it is you need to work on. When you lack self-awareness, managing your emotions will
seem like your trying to drive a car blindfolded in the rain and all you can do is yell at
the top of your lungs, please help me!
Being self-aware means understanding yourself and your behaviors on a couple of different
levels and the first one is to know what you are doing.
Seems simple enough, right? Most of us in today’s world are simply running on autopilot.
We have nothing but constant distractions like social media, TV, checking your email,
or messaging your squad.
Removing distractions from your life is the first step to being self-aware. So, turn off
your phone and engage with the world around you! Schedule time in your day to get away
from your distractions. Set time aside to meditate or drive to work with no music and
be present. Think about your life and how you’re feeling. You might be surprised at
what happens.
We use these distractions as crutches to avoid a lot of emotions that we just don’t want
to deal with, but getting rid of those distractions and listening to yourself and what you’re
feeling takes us to the next part which is,
Know what you are feeling.
When you first start to actually pay attention to what you are feeling it might freak you
out. You may realize that your phone was there to numb you from your anxiety or a way to
put off what you are feeling.
Don’t and don’t be too hard on yourself either. It is important to not judge the emotions
that arise in you but it’s necessary to be able to start to move forward to increase
your own emotional intelligence. Whatever emotion is there, it is there for a reason.
Once you can recognize what you are feeling, it’s time to start to understand your own
emotional baggage. Understanding that is the only way to be able to react against it.
Remember, emotional intelligence is your ability to process emotions and come to sound decisions.
Being self-aware by recognizing and understanding your own emotional baggage is the first way
to increasing your emotional intelligence.
Being self-aware isn’t enough all by itself, you need to be able to manage your emotions
too.
And you need to be able to Channel Your emotions too.
There are a lot and I mean a lot of people who talk about controlling your emotions.
The thing is, you cant. You can only control how you react to them.
Emotions are simply signals that tell you to pay attention to something. It is up to
you to decide whether or not that something is important and then choosing the best course
of action to address it.
There really is no such thing as a good or bad emotion, only good and bad reactions to
the emotions you are experiencing.
For instance, anger can be a harmful or bad emotion if your reaction to it is to hurt
yourself or someone else when dealing with anger. However, it can also be a good emotion
or even motivator for you to do something positive, or to help protect yourself and
others around you.
Joy and happiness are often associated with good emotions, especially if you can share
them with people who love and support you, but can be negative if that joy and happiness
is the result of hurting others.
You need to be able to manage your emotions. Recognize what you’re feeling and deciding
if that emotion is appropriate for the situation and then act appropriately.
The idea of this is to be able to channel your emotions into goal-directed behavior
as supposed to just reacting off the cuff.
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react to your emotions in a positive or negative way.
So far, everything I have talked about deals with recognizing, handling and directing emotions
within yourself - but the whole point to having high emotional intelligence is to have healthy
relationships in your everyday life.
All healthy relationships begin with our 3rd way to increase your emotional intelligence
and that is to recognize and respect another person’s emotional needs.
You do this by empathizing with them. Connecting with them by both listening and by being vulnerable
with them, sharing yourself honestly.
One of the quickest ways to offer a sincere exchange or sign of empathy is to listen to
someone’s experiences and connect to them with a similar experience of your own. Don’t
be afraid to open yourself up
When you empathize with someone doesn’t mean you need to understand them or what they
are going through, exactly. In fact, empathizing means that you accept them as they are, even
when you don’t understand them.
Practice walking in their shoes, even for a moment. Understand that everyone has their
own set of feelings, desires, triggers, and fears. To be empathetic you’re allowing
their experiences to resonate with your own in order to respond in an emotionally appropriate
way. Before you’re able to empathize with someone
you first need to understand what it is they’re saying, which means listening is at the very
center of empathy. It involves letting them talk without interruption, preconceptions,
skepticism, and putting your own issues on pause to allow yourself to absorb their situation
and consider how they are feeling before you react.
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Becoming emotionally intelligent is an exciting lifelong journey but by starting now, and
putting these tips into practice, you can Fastrack your path. You will gain greater
peace of mind, healthier long-lasting relationships, more productivity in both your work and personal
life, and overall a much more fulfilled and joyful life.
One of the most important things to remember is to give yourself a break. This is a skill
that needs developing and attention and there will be those times in your journey that your
emotions will get the best of you. That’s okay.
Those moments will happen less and less as long as you continue to develop great self-awareness,
channeling your emotions, and empathizing with those people you interact with.
You’ve got this. Now go get it done.
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