Hey there, this is Clay and I made a video previously about the wall of reactance and
how that is one of the five phases of getting back together.
So I wanted to go ahead and make the other videos explained the other phases of getting
back together.
So after you go through the wall of reactance, the next phase, once you restore contact with
your ex is going to be called the test drive phase.
Okay.
And here you know you've gotten your ex to talk to you, so your ex is positive feelings
for you have improved just a little bit, right?
So you've gone from zero to maybe 20 percent or so positive feelings for you and your ex
willing to talk to you.
They're willing to respond to you and all that, but there are positive feelings for
you are still not very high, which means that their sense of reactance.
Again, we talked about that in the wall reactance video.
I'll try to remember to put a link to that to over here.
So you can go and check that out.
But their, reactions towards you is still going to be fairly high.
So again, when you start contacting your ex inside of the test drive phase, you have to
understand that they're just really testing the waters to see if they can, you know, have
some sort of personal relationship with if there's a place for you in their life.
And the last thing you want to do is trigger that reactance.
Okay?
Because you know, again, there they have this, they don't want to talk about the breakup,
the relationship, getting back together, how much you love them, how much you miss them,
all that stuff right now, right now they don't want to talk about that because again, they
broke up with you.
There is a time and place to talk about that, but that is not right.
Now when you're first getting back in contact with your ex, so please do yourself a favor
and don't initiate contact with your ex by talking about the breakup, talking about how
much you love them, talking about getting back together, talking about all that stuff
again.
Right now you do not want to do that because that's just going to trigger that sense of
reactance, right?
It's like when you're in high school and you know, probably if you're like most high school
students, one of your least favorite classes is math, right?
You don't want to go to your math class.
You don't want to sit there, you don't want to get math homework.
You don't want to have to take it home.
You don't want to have to sit there at night doing your math homework when you could be
hanging out with your friends and you could be watching tv and you could be doing all
sorts of other fun things.
And so math creates this sort of reactance in high school students in the same way that
talking about your breakup to your ex, talking about how much you love him, talking about
how, sorry you are talking about how things are gonna be different.
Talking about how you're gonna be back together is going to create a sense of reactance in
your ex.
So you don't do that.
But instead you just want to have a simple personal connection with them, something that
feels good in the moment right now, something that's not talking about how great things
were in the past or how amazing things are going to be in the future or how resolute
you are to be a better boyfriend or girlfriend to them in the future.
You just want to talk about something that feels good right now.
Okay.
So send them like a quick joke.
Something that said you were thinking of them, like maybe you ran into a friend that the
two of you have in common or maybe you noticed that their favorite band is coming to town,
uh, in a, in a few weeks or something like that.
Just something that lets them know, hey, I was thinking of you.
And again, don't Meyer this down with apologies.
So.
Oh well, sorry, I haven't been contacting you.
I've just been trying to move on from the break up.
This relationship is really hard.
We should get back to you.
Don't do that.
Just keep it short and simple.
Like you were sending something to a friend as if nothing had ever happened between you
and your ex, if it was the most natural thing in the world.
When you can do that, you can start to get that conversation going back and forth with
them and they'll start to open up more and you'll be able to move past the test drive
phase into the next phase.
But that is a topic for another day.
But again, this has been Clay and I want to thank you for watching this video and if you'd
like to learn more about how you can save your relationship with your ex, please head
on over to relationshipinnergame.com and sign up today so that we can
get started helping you get your ex back today.
Thank you.