So, this generation has had a pretty good run - we've had some cracking titles over
the last 7 years or so.
But, perhaps more interesting than the highlights of this gen's interactive entertainment is
the dark nadir of games best left forgotten.
Join me, as we venture into the gloomiest depths to uncover... the worst Xbox 360 games
ever.
Now, for the purpose of this video, we'll be talking about full-price, boxed releases
only - and we're basing critical reception on the aggregate review scores of Metacritic.
Kicking off our shameful selection, and with the dubious virtue of being the least-worst
of our selection, Shellshock 2: Blood Trails scored an impressively low thirty percent,
putting it at number ten on our list.
Unsurprising, given that it's a threadbare first-person shooter with last-gen graphics,
clunky mechanics and a rather comical sprint animation.
The concept is an interesting twist on the already gruesome arena of the Vietnam war
- an injection of shady medical ethics which could have been used to great effect, but
simply fall flat through poor exposition and tired mechanics.
Next up, at number nine it's lacklustre offroad racer Score International Baja 1000, taking
the dubious honour of being the worst racing game available for the Xbox, by virtue of
its Metacritic score of just 29 percent.
Despite its unimpressive graphics, the game doesn't seem much worse than any other run-of-the-mill
racer - but after a couple of laps the cracks start to show.
Handling is comically bad, with your steering input taken as an idle suggestion rather than
anything important to react upon in a responsive manner.
There's also a crippling lack of tracks - you'll start to rue the repetition, as the nondescript
circuits drive you round the bend.
At number 8, Jumper: Griffin's story escapes the label of 'worst movie tie-in ever' by
a hair, with a less-than-enviable Metacritic score of 29.
Punctuated by banal comic-book style cutscenes and presented as a sub-par brawler, the repetitive
action is differentiated only by the teleport mechanic, a defining feature of the film that
does nothing but reduce the game into button bashing tedium.
Each of the four coloured face buttons corresponds to a different attack direction, so even basic
movement is taken out of the equation as you mindlessly mash your way to victory.
Later enemies prove marginally more challenging, but by this point you'll only wish for the
ability to teleport a better game into your console.
At number seven on our list is Truth or Lies, scoring a paltry 28 percent.
A microphone-driven party game that styles itself on a polygraph machine - a lie detector,
in which you answer a sequence of questions intended to provoke, embarrass or reveal your
inner secrets.
Were it to function with any degree of accuracy, it would be naught more than a novelty, and
not much of a game - but the fact that the soothsaying ability of the Xbox is limited,
to say the least, rather spoils this game's already restricted potential.
Upon uttering words into the microphone, the black box within whirrs and chugs away for
a moment or two, before proclaiming the speaker's veracity: but the thing is, it simply doesn't
work.
Should you avoid this game?
True!
At number 6, Rebellion's second entry to our list - Rogue Warrior - has a layer more polish
than their other offering - but falls even further from grace, with a rating of just
28 percent: earning it the hotly contested title of 'worst FPS this generation'.
The protagonist is Navy Seal Richard Marcinko, and is portrayed as a reckless, foul-mouthed
operative - with voice acting provided by none other than Micky Rourke.
Rourke provides an impressive performance - your character giving an x-rated play-by-play
of the trite events that unfold: this narration sadly wasted on the North Koreans you slaughter
by the dozen.
If the controls weren't so clunky, the bombastic string of expletives that spew from the main
character would have B-movie appeal - but with no substance to stand on, the humour
is nothing more than adolescent emission.
Next is the first of a string of Kinect games: Deca Sports Freedom is our fifth worst game,
with average reviews of 26 percent - making the lukewarm Kinect Sports looks like game
of the year by comparison.
While not every game for the xbox's motion control camera is necessarily bad - they do
seem to have a solid representation at the bottom of the pile.
While there's nothing fundamentally wrong with motion controls, least of all for a sports
game - when basic control functions become a frustrating affair, any enjoyment quickly
withers.
There's a whole decathlon of sports to choose from, and almost certainly more on offer than
you'll ever want to try: while the game might have sufficient variety, the loose controls
will mar your virtual athletic career as long as your endurance holds out.
At number 4 is another Kinect title: Hulk Hogan's Main Event is a cartoon-esque wrestling
game that attained a Metacritic score of just 26.
It transposes the showmanship of professional wrestling onto Kinect's motion controls - in
which you must hold poses before entering the ring, and subsequently mime to the theatrical
acts within the squared circle.
Fights are little more than a series of stunts - sequenced beatdowns, throws and pins leading
to chairs to the face and interminable Irish whips.
Its simplistic art style can be forgiven as a stylistic choice, but again the loose controls
detract from what little interactivity is on offer, and the repetitive moves might lead
some to break kayfabe, if not the game disk.
Number 3 is a painful revisit to an otherwise dead franchise, dredged from the seedier side
of PC gaming of the late 1980s.
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust features the original Larry's nephew in a low-budget
open-world sandbox romp that attracted scathing reviews across the board for a Metacritic
score of 25 percent.
The Leisure Suit Larry series has always had a reputation for appealing to the prurient
with its suggestive themes of an adult nature, but seldom delivered anything but cheap laughs
and a slip of titillation.
Box Office Bust steers clear of the explicit, and in any case the participants are too ugly
- both in grotesque appearance and detestable character - to hold any appeal whatsoever.
Tack some awful gameplay and a poor excuse for a plot onto this ensemble, and you have
a truly execrable excuse for entertainment.
From the puerile to the puellile, with our second worst rated title - and lowest-scoring
movie tie-in this generation.
To be fair, I doubt the expectations for 'Hannah Montana: The Movie' were very high - but nonetheless
it attained a less-than-lofty 25 percent.
To be fair, for fans of the popstar the major criticism is the short length of the game,
although what little content there is can only be described as mediocre at best.
It's an odd fusion of rhythm game and farming simulator, amongst a few other minigames.
To its credit, the game is varied - although there is a worrying emphasis on clothes shopping.
Still, if you can stomach the saccharine presentation and can abide the rampant consumerism - the
Hannah Montana game is probably one of the more playable titles on
this list.
Now, the moment you've been waiting for - our final entry, collectively deemed the worst
ever game made for the Xbox 360...
...is Self-Defence Training Camp, this Kinect title comfortably at the bottom of the pile
with average review scores of just 21 percent.
It is perhaps ironic that the motion controls here are the keenest of all three Kinect titles
- surprisingly responsive and with a good degree of tolerance in the moves.
Presentation is pretty slick, too - the menus are clean and relatively easy to navigate,
and while the graphics aren't spectacular, they are far from ugly.
This game's major failing is probably in the overwhelming lack of any game-like features
- there's no real challenge, and no variety whatsoever.
In essence, it amounts to little more than a genital-kicking simulator: as you perfect
the so-called 'moves', time and time again you'll find yourself interacting with your
assailant's 'genital triangle'.
Of course, simultaneously shouting 'That's my purse, I don't know you!' is entirely optional.
While going for the groin is no doubt effective in a self-defence scenario, one has to question
whether the lethargic pace of this training is true to a real-life assault scenario - I
have my sincere doubts as to the practical benefit of these routines.
With no real usefulness, motion controls, repetitive gameplay with little challenge,
and otherwise being devoid of any merit whatsoever - it is perhaps small wonder that this title
scored so poorly.
And thus concludes our compendium of the ten worst-rated full price titles available for
the Xbox 360.
It is safe to say that none of these games are stellar, although perhaps
not all deserve a place in the fiery depths of gaming perdition.
All ten have their merits, even if it extends only to easy achievements - or a reminder
to be grateful for the better games we've had the fortune to play.
And spare a thought for the people behind these games: brave souls who struggle against
impossible deadlines and deliver despite knowing their efforts might not contribute to anything
resembling game of the year.
These critical missteps serve as beacons for those who follow, marking bad design decisions
and poor gameplay so that others might learn from their mistakes, and that we might reap
the rewards of better games.
Well, that was fun.
We should do this again sometime.
Thanks for watching - and until next time, farewell.