*Wapoosh!* Top of the mornin' to ya laddies my name is Jacksepticeye and welcome
to the jazz city where all the high rollers are. All the fanciest birds live in this city
Okay, and Eggsy is no stranger to the high life.
Well, he is cuz he just came from nothing, but we had to get him up there.
But, now he is living the high life, because look at Eggsy
Lurgen, in the fuckin' way-- Look at Eggsy look at his stats
Look at that for an Eggie boy
That is an egg that wants to go to space
So he spent a long time he spent a long time. He was squattin', he was flappin' he was swimmin'.
He almost drowned, he fought a bear. He brought democracy to many countries.
So he's a great egg. He's a great bean.
I love him so much. <3
So now we have to start some climbing training, whatever that is. Want to learn how to really jump? Then let's start your training.
Okay, part one: Use left and right keys to move your duck and press up to jump.
Jump to stay on the screen and don't get crushed.
...What? How the-- How am I supposed to know where stuff is landing??
This is fucking horseshit...! Oh wait, there's red things at the top that I'm not paying attention to. Ah, I didn't realize that!
Oh, God.
Oh, this sucks. Climbing training sucks!
Are you gonna take forever to level up? It took me so fuckin' long to grind through the levels on the other ones.
Don't-- don't do it to me. Don't do it to me. We're only at 50.
*Impatiently* Okay, any minute now!
*Strange sound* Uh oh. Uh oh! Uh oh!!
Uh oh!!!
Guys! Guys!! I'm okay. I'm okay. Eggsy's fine. I thought he was trapped. GUYS! Okay, he's fine.
Okay, okay. Maybe not the best idea to leave him over here on top. Cuz if somethin' falls right right, right now-- Ah! Like that!!
Ohh, that only went up 4 levels... I need to be atleast level 50 to be able to do a race here.
Use the left and right keys to balance on the pogo stick and hold up to jump higher. Jump over the gaps and don't fall over.
Oh my God, It's fuckin' Happy Wheels!! :O
This is-- YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
All my training was gonna lead me into that! Okay, we need at least one.
Out of all the trainings that you do there needs to be at least one thats doable
really well each time to bring up your levels.
Use left and right kets to turn in the air, follow the instructions at the top right of the screen and do as many tricks as you can. Okay.
Ohh...
Oh, So I need to be like that.
Okay, and now I need to be like this.
*Proudly* I'm fucking doing it.
Here we go, okay. There we go. Nice.
Nice.
Okay, I'm gettin' it.
C'mon do the fuckin' thing.
Oh, wait. Oh. He was s'posed to go backwards.
Ohhh...
Oh, my God. Wait, how many levels did we go? We went up ten levels.
I need to play it 15 more times. And we'll be there, we'll be golden.
We'll be tasty.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Well, four more times at that level to be able to do a race.
And Eggsy's gonna do the race.
You should fuckin' see this bean.
This is a sexy bean. This is a bean that's going to the moon!
He is the worldwide renowned champion of hopscot-- hopscotch.
I was gonna say hopsquats, that's a different sport, It's a sport he made up himself.
We copywrited it and trademarked it but its not ready for the world to see. The world is not ready for hopsquats.
Okay?
Think hopscotch but **extreme**.
Motherfucker. Okay. This where I make my money.
*Pleasant laugh*
I was lookin' down at this (as well?) the game's glitched!
This thing is still on screen.
Fucking bitch.
Ah, fuck.
Okay, you got 10 the last time, what are ya doing to me, Eggsy?
I'll be an old man by the end of this, Eggsy, an old, old, oLD man.
It's fine. I got this. It's getting warm in here, though. I might die of heat exhaustion.
Exhaustion. It's a thing look it up. What, you never read a fuckin' book before?
Ohh my... You wanna start dropping them around here, *hut!* Ahh, no fucking need.
Ahh!!
Okay, okay, be careful. Be careful!
Be squeezy. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Oh, shit.
I didn't even go up a level!
Oh, man...
This is actually matching the music. Here we go. Oh God. Oh God, Eggsy!
*Dissapointed grunt*
*Shrieking* That's hard!
*Contuing to shreik* I don't like it!
I hate this one.
This one sucks.
I might just like this one kill me, and just skip it all together. Cuz these ones-- Ah, come on...
You keep fucking glitching out on me.
Okay, *hut, hut!!* There we go, bring it back bring it back. Not too far, not too far.
*Hut!*
Nice! Bring it back, bring it back, bring it back. Going down now.
*BUH*
*BUH!!*
*UAHHH!*
Okay, see? I went up a lot of levels just there. And then this one is easy as well.
So if we just skip that other fucking nonsense, I will save my time and all your time (Lmao not my time. I've been doing this for an hour.)
And some-- some life, and we'll save some of my life.
*Hut!*
That was an easy one. Oh, Eggsy you're a regular old fucking gymnast.
We love you, Eggy bean! <3
*Hut!* and *hut!* Fuck yes. Yeah!-- Oh, come on, I did that.
How many levels I go-- 15 levels! And I died in the first one.
Yes
Okay, this is actually way easier to level up than some of the other levels I did
Is this one you actually have to get height in it?
If the way your fucking day for these things to fall
There I got one height this one. I like this one seems doable
You just wait wait GO!
I
Swear to God eggsy what are these dates?
What I need to cool off I need
Eggsy Eggsy Eggsy Eggsy! You're fucking your all over the shop Eggsy! Eggsy!
He was fuckin mad bastard
Okay, we're doing good though. We're gettin up the levels and then hook all wrong wait huh nice
Come on I did that huh and then a huh all right wait
That's right
Huh huh nice do a little one of these a little backsies, huh?
Huh, there you go eggsy
That's my fucking peanut remember 59. That's good enough
Hoping for a good racer to take my place in the tournament. We can't make it okay
Let's see what happens if I erase you. How are we doing? Oh?
Fuck you this has everything ah
That's where the jumping comes in doesn't fucking matter eggsy azide
Damon and everything else oh
What's that you barely even finish the race?
Get outta my sight get it out of here
Get these fuckers out of my game
I'm organizing a dirty race okay have that level 50 jumping semi. It's gonna be an all jumpin race oh
Look at him go
See he slows down there. He's a
Little bit of a hop there, but he makes up for it and everything else cuz he needs eleven hundred and fifty eggsy
You've never seen an egg see this strong before giving this tournament. Give me this tournament. I ain't wasting any more time
um
We need a good name, but these guys are gonna. Be called the egg strings
Watch them go he what your fuckin top hats ya hear that shit, huh look at him go look
At eggs you go fuckin climbing speed efficiency
Oh get him out of here don't want to see their ugly fucking faces watch him go watch
Nothing stands in his way out the window he goes
across the swimming pool yard swim
Didn't even need to barely even needed to swim eggsy like I like a stealth bomber
across the top of the rooftops
Watch it watch him go watch into the water watch them swim, oh
You guys got a good jump, but eggsy's got everything else going for him everything else
At the last race, oh look who's on top the tasty heroes the big comets
They're tough rulers might as well. Call it suck suck and suck
What there's another region
What's in here
This box is locked with three chains you will need three keys to unlocking
Excuse me, I found this right here in the floor, maybe it'll open the box next to the shop okay, race me race me bitch
Race me. There's no way you can win. I have a hundred and fifty and everything oh
That almost fucked me up
I've lived 115 everything except jumping. I don't need the jumping give me your key. What have you got? Oh? You got some jumpers?
You got some jumpers going on I see what you're trying to do, I oh?
How dare you almost mess me up? How dare you Gamefly eggsy fly show them how it's done
See that you didn't even see that cuz that was eggsy flying buddy
Got your key. Thank you. Give me your key go ahead Z
What
You all saw that shit you all saw that shit the game is cheating on me game. He's cheating on me
I'm too fucking good for the game
You saw that he was walking into the wall he's too fast for this game
How
Fucking dare you
Here we go eggsy is bullshit farming my boy
I
Can handle when eggsy is a piece of shit, okay?
Cuz that reflects on my parenting you know, but when the game does not let my tiny bird boy
flex his wings
Not having any of that they think that they know what's best oh
But they don't know, bro
Okay eggsy okay here we go here. We go non-stop speed
Non-stop speech
Non-stop speech, that's that's what it's all about eggsy
Non-stop speech, that's what I hear in my brain right now
Let me see this shit. Let me see this shit
We're doing it eggsy. We're doing it. This is it watch him go watch him go no bullshit
No bullshit still bullshit
Nobody's still in the fucking lead now
What's up? What's up?
You want it you want it come on game?
You wanna challenge the egg beam?
Ain't gonna happen bro ain't gonna happen. Give me this tournament. Give me this tournament open that shit
It's a detonator. I wonder what happens if you push it
Push it eggsy
This what the
fuck
Let's see if you can race as well as you can destroy things
But good look for I am the undefeated champion of duck racing oh
I'm gonna need to be full level and everything to battle you aren't I?
Yep
I'm coming for you
Enjoy it while it lasts. Doc bitch is the last time my boy has to bounce
It's the last time my boy has to do anything
For after this
fucking eggsy after this
He will be crowned
the king Duke and
You were here to witness it
Eggsy is going to be the greatest doc that ever lived
And i'm proud to be his dad, I'm proud to be here Joey his journey
Erase them well
He didn't have a mama
But he didn't need one she was an asshole anyway
Let's throw away eggsy, then he can't read instructions, but he can read your emotions and your heart
And he knows that you're trying your best
Q'l bean come on. I could have got 1,300
Okay apparently I got to level 152 and this one
Okay, whatever
Whatever, you know what the best part is
Knowing that I am level 150 and everything and that's what it takes to beat him
It's the final race
Megsie is going to need some help to beat this guy he can hover and be on fire without dying
Use the arrows to control eggsy and press up to jump win the race to make sure not to touch the lava what?
What?
Oh
Fuck off with this shit
Really Oh
Legged
Okay, we're doing good. We're doing fucking tasty
And a boy eggsy
Fuck is somewhat 4x8
somewhat for
You beat the damn champion eggsy you're the new world champion of dock racing the best dock
Mankind has ever seen here's your crown for the king of docks
Which took do you want to give the crown dude fuck off florican you didn't earn this you also want a mysterious egg
Okay, we can recruit him where's his crown. Where's it? Where's this crown?
It has a control panel on the site. Oh, I get to make a new dock
Beanie dock
With angry blue ice
Wait where's the angry blues there we go
He's going to be what colored rock are we gonna make
Think Red Dog is actually the best
Where red go there. We go what's his name going to be?
Serviced Paul serve a stop
Finally you and the arcade machine play your favorite training games on the volcano
They think I'm okay actually look at eggsy
The fuck out of here everybody else
Eggsy is my champion talk
Everybody bow down we're not worthy
We're not worthy. Ah
Man, what a thrill that took way too long to actually do
Way too long to actually grind out all those levels to be able to get to that my god it drove me insane
But anyway, it's doing we've come to the end of dock life or sad time
It is we all knew the legacy of eggsy and how he became
The greatest dog, but anyway. Thank you guys so much for watching this series if you liked it punch that like button in the face
Oh
*Wapoosh!*