Last night, President Trump moseyed down to Nashville
to campaign for Republican Senate candidate
Marcia Blackburn, but surprisingly,
instead of staying on message,
the president spent most of the rally talking about himself.
He talked about how he plans to beat Hillary Clinton
in the 2016 campaign.
And, uh, he talked about how great he was for minorities,
and then he pointed to a black person in the audience.
Yeah, and finally, he laid out his plans for infrastructure.
We will build new strength into our country.
We will breathe new hope into our communities.
And we will do it all
with these big, beautiful hands.
Look at these hands.
(crowd cheering)
Look at these hands.
Yeah, that's right, America, President Trump
is gonna personally build up America's infrastructure
with his bare beautiful hands.
He's gonna pitch-up like,
(mimics Trump): "You guys can stop building that bridge.
"Me and the old pussy grabbers can take it from here.
Come on wall. Come on wall. I got it.
Also, did you guys notice the guy in the audience there?
(laughter)
Like, that's how you know that Trump has his people on lock.
Trump puts up his hands,
and this guy's like, "Hands."
And, now, Trump wasn't just in town
to ignore the Senate candidate he was there to promote.
Being on that stage also gave him the opportunity
to crowd test his favorite new conspiracy.
So, how do you like the fact
they had people infiltrating our campaign?
Can you imagine? Can you imagine?
Is there anybody
in this big, beautiful arena right now
that's infiltrating our campaign?
Would you please raise your hand.
Now, that seems weird,
and you can laugh all you want,
but that's how The Americans finale ended tonight. Yeah.
Ronald Reagan said, "Raise your hand if you're a spy,"
and the Jennings fell for it. Did not see that coming.
I did not see that coming.
"Raise your hand if you're a spy"
is one of those questions that's supposed to sound like a joke
but is actually totally serious.
You know, like, like those questions like,
"Wouldn't it be so funny if we had a threesome?
"I'm kidding, obviously, but I mean,
"that would be so funny, though.
"We almost have to do it, how funny it would be,
when you think about it."
But yes, what Trump is referring to
is his claim that the FBI placed a spy in his campaign
to help Hillary Clinton win the election,
which, like most of Trump's conspiracies,
is total bullshit.
No evidence at all.
What did happen is that the FBI-- with good reason--
had concerns that Russia was infiltrating Trump's campaign,
so it used an informant to try and stop it.
If anything, the FBI was trying to protect Donald Trump.
Calling that spying
is like accusing your doctor of spying on your cancer.
"What are you doing in there?"
So, Trump knows that the FBI wasn't spying on his campaign.
But he also knows that if he keeps saying that they were,
hands guy over here will start to believe
that the FBI was out to get Trump from the start
and that the Mueller investigation
must just be another plot by the anti-Trump deep state.
And you don't have to take my word for it.
Over the weekend the president's attorney, Rudy Giuliani,
told CNN that the attacks are part of a political strategy
to sway public opinion against the Mueller probe.
It is for public opinion,
because eventually the decision here
is gonna be impeach, not impeach.
Members of Congress, Democrat and Republican,
are gonna be informed a lot by their constituents.
So our jury is the Amer-- as it should be--
is the American people.
You know, I'm honestly shocked
at how upfront Giuliani is about the whole thing.
He's just like, "Yeah, we're trying to manipulate
"public opinion against the investigation
so that Trump doesn't get impeached. Duh."
Like, if you're ever pulling off a heist,
don't have Rudy on your squad.
He'll give it away.
"H-Help me, help me! I'm faking a heart attack
"so that my boys can sneak into the safe.
That's what I'm doing. Help me!"
And thanks to Giuliani, we now understand
why Trump has not only been pushing this conspiracy,
but also branding it-- or at least trying to brand it.
According to the Associated Press,
Mr. Trump wants to brand
the FBI's confidential informant "a spy."
(reading):
The president used some version of the word "spy"
24 times in 15 tweets over ten days.
We now call it "Spygate." You're calling it "Spygate."
It should be noted that virtually no one
is using that term.
No, we're... no, we're not calling it "Spygate."
Nobody's calling it that because there was no "Spygate."
(laughs)
Man, Trump is priceless.
The media is reporting on him calling it "Spygate,"
and to him, that means they're also calling it "Spygate."
Like, I wouldn't be shocked
if Trump doesn't understand how echoes work.
You know, he's probably at the Grand Canyon like,
"Hello!" "Hello!"
"Whoa, that's what I was saying."
(laughter)
You see, the problem is
that much like a ticket on Trump's defunct airline,
nobody is buying it.
President Trump himself, in the Comey memo said,
"If anyone connected with my campaign
"was working with Russia,
I want you to investigate it."
And it sounds to me like that is exactly what the FBI did.
The Trump people think that the FBI had an undercover agent
who inveigled his way into the campaign.
There's no evidence for that whatsoever.
President Trump accusing his special counsel and his team
of a whole new set of conspiracy theories.
The president calls it Spygate.
Fox News can confirm it is not.
Damn. Even people on Fox News
are calling Trump out for this one.
Which can only mean one of two things.
Either there really is nothing at all to Spygate
and Trump is just trying to undermine
the Mueller investigation,
or the deep state FBI has infiltrated Fox News.
There's only one way to find out if that happened.
If anyone at Fox News is a spy,
please, raise your hand.