Let’s get one thing straight: There are two Ghostbusters movies.
The first is significantly better than the second.
There are two Ghostbusters II games.
The one we got here in the states is significantly worse than the one released in Japan and the
PAL territories.
This version, developed by Kemco (of Spy Vs. Spy and Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle fame) and
published by Activision, comes off as Pitfall with slime-blowers.
The other version, developed and published by HAL Laboratory - yes, THAT HAL Laboratory,
of Earthbound, Adventures of Lolo, Kirby, Smash Bros., and Shigesato Itoi’s No. 1
Bass Fishing fame - goes with an isometric viewpoint, almost like Dig Dug II with several
doctorates and a CPA.
Yes.
You can play as Louis.
But that’s not the game I’m here to talk about!
That game would run me about $170 should I try to import a copy.
So here’s what you get.
Pitfall with more slime.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the film itself...
I can’t really blame you.
NYC’s about to be overrun by a painting - yes, a painting - of Vigo the Carpathian,
also Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the poor collision detection, Vigo the Arbitrary Flying Objects,
and Vigo the THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I’VE GOTTA JUMP THE ECTO ONE ACROSS A HUGE CHASM IN CENTRAL
PARK.
I don’t even.
Anyway.
Taking control of either a difficult-to-make-out Ghostbuster or the Ecto-1, your task is to
travel from point A to point B while getting a minimum of slime on you.
At your disposal is an unlimited supply of... well, slime, but positively-charged slime
that’s had Jackie Wilson sung to it, and the more I try to explain this the less I’m
confident in the explanation.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or resources to go all the way down Ivan Reitman’s
“Domino Theory of Reality,” so you’ll just have to trust me when I say that you’ve
got a gun that shoots stuff and can eliminate ghosts.
Also, ghost traps, for the larger poltergeists in your path.
Interspersed with the ghosts are Ghostbusters symbols, which award the player an extra life
after 20 have been collected.
And you’ll need ‘em, too, because there’s a bajillion things out to attack you, including
several Slimers, weird flying disembodied heads, clocks, briefcases, gavels, and enough
ghosts on the road to make me wonder if we’re actually just saying “Screw New York”
and heading to Threed.
But while the ideas of a sewer level and a courtroom level make sense in terms of the
film’s narrative, there’s no logic to this game’s presentation whatsoever.
I was all geared up for a climactic confrontation with the Scolari Brothers, but no.
Just hop in the car, leave the legal proceedings to Louis, and WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE.
If nothing else, I can say that this game’s interpretation of the Ghostbusters theme sounds
better than that of Activision’s first attempt, which isn’t saying much at all.
But I’m struggling to come up with any kind words for this thing.
Maybe it’s because Ghostbusters was such a large part of my childhood, or because we’ve
since proven that, if you actually put time and effort into it, a Ghostbusters game can
be downright awesome.
Especially with Wiimote controls and that awesome tactile sensation of throwing the
trap along the ground.
But this?
No.
Absolutely not.
Why, if my hands weren't tied by the unalterable fetters of the law, then I would invoke the
tradition of our illustrious forebears, reach back to a purer, sterner justice, and have
this game BURNED AT THE STAKE!