(uplifting music)
Three years ago, when Taylor was 12,
she got upset and threw a bowl of chicken and rice
across our living room.
She snapped, and started throwing stuff.
Wherever her hands hit, that's what's being destroyed.
I got on top of her on our couch,
and but she was still going on, and on,
and flailing about.
I was just on the bottom, holding her on top.
(bleep) stop (bleep) hurting me, you (bleep) idiot.
I do not have control over my anger outbursts.
I've been angry ever since I was maybe around five,
and then around 14, I started getting physical.
Don't hit (screams) (bleep)
Stop it, Taylor.
I don't have control of what I'm doing.
It just feels like a balloon
getting bigger, and bigger, and bigger,
and I just, I can't stop it.
I have hurt my Mom, and my Dad.
I am scared that one day I will snap, seriously hurt them.
My relationship with my Mom is a love-hate relationship.
Please don't accuse me of my feelings.
When I'm arguing with my Mom, sometimes it gets physical
so my Dad does restrain me.
Let me go (bleep)! (screams)
But that doesn't really help anything,
it just makes everything worse.
Would you pin her down on the floor,
and beat her with a belt, if she had a brain tumor?
No.
She did not have a diagnosis in that time.
If she had a stroke, and was behaving erratically,
would you yell and scream at her, and ratchet up?
No. Nope.
So, you believe that she's ill,
and you're punishing her for being ill.
I don't know whether she is or not,
I'm just saying you believe she is,
and you're punishing her for being ill.
the belt was before the diagnosis, the--
No it wasn't.
She was diagnosed at eight.
That was for ADHD.
That's not an illness?
Do you get my point?
I get your point. Yes, oh absolutely.
Are you punishing an illness?
Absolutely, and that's what we've said all along, that's--
Does that make sense?
No.
Especially over the last-- But then why are you
doing it? Over the last--
Over the last two months. The reason I would,
well the reason I restrained her that time in the hallway
was just, she was going back for more.
The rest of it is just trying to stop her
from you know, destroying our house, and--
And hurting hurting herself.
Another time was--
Well how is that working for you?
It's not working very well.
You know in psychology, we sometimes talk about
what's called the target patient.
That's the patient that gets pushed out to the front,
when there are problems with the family dynamic.
But more often than not,
a problem within a family, is a family problem.
It's just that one person or another
is the one that is making all the noise,
they're the squeaky wheel,
and so they're the ones that everybody turns,
they're the one everybody turns around and looks at,
but listen, problems don't occur in a vacuum.
They occur as a dynamic within what's called
the sociogram of the family.
So it's like if you've got five members in a family,
and one of them is making a lot of noise,
is it because of the relationship with this one,
or this one, or this one, or is it the way
they're just kind of all coming together?
You can't ever look at a family member in isolation,
you have to look at all of the inter-dynamics,
the way they come together.
So if there's somebody in your family
that seems to be acting out, making bad choices,
failing to participate, look at them,
write down those behaviors, but then ask yourself,
what could be happening in the family dynamic?
Are they feeling marginalized?
Are they feeling like they're the black sheep?
Are they feeling like they're getting compared
to the others in the family in some way?
Ask yourself what you could do to make it easier for them
to have a happier life.
(uplifting music)