Sally, it's very brave of you to come in and see us today, it's a very public
thing to do, what was your motivation for doing this?
Well there's no doubt about
it that going through a divorce is a very stressful and anxiety provoking
situation to find yourself in - it's right up there on that list of adverse
stressful life events. So I just wanted to allay some people's fears that might
be going through a similar experience to what I did and just to give some tips
and strategies to help with that throughout the process. To start with I
found it all very daunting; mediation didn't work out for us so I needed to
instruct a solicitor to act on my behalf. I knew that it would end up in court and
I was very daunted by that. I needed a solicitor to represent me because my
ex-husband was in the profession and therefore I felt that there was an
imbalance of power so I needed a solicitor to act on my behalf to level
the playing field. You don't want to get into a situation years later when you
look back and regret not making that right choice of finding a good solicitor
and in my situation I needed a solicitor with a wealth of experience and
professionalism to act on my behalf. Raw emotions can heal over but the
impact of making poor financial choice can last a lifetime. I feel I was
grieving to start off with, divorce is a loss, and you do grieve and everyone
grieves in their own way. Looking back now with hindsight I needn't have been
so daunted - my solicitor represented me well in court, we were able to work
collaboratively together and I feel that with my solicitor getting all the
salient points across to the judge that it helped to draw a line under the whole
thing for me. Now I feel I've come out the other end and I feel more empowered
than I ever did before. You've got to tell yourself that, you know, you mustn't
be too hard on yourself, that you're not a failure, that some marriages just run
their course. It's very important to look after yourself, it's important to try and
get a good night's sleep, to eat healthily, to engage in pleasurable
activities, to exercise. It's important to recognise that there will be good days,
there will be bad days, some days will be worse than others and on those days it's
a good idea to have things prepared when you find yourself on your own to help
you through those bad days - so for me it may have been
having some good books to read, having my favorite TV programs on my
Sky planner lined up ready to watch. Take one day at
a time, get organised, make notes, summarise, work
out what you need financially in the future because you know if you make the
wrong decisions now that could have financially lasting impact.
Just take one day at a time, tell yourself that you're going to be okay
and you're stronger than you think and you will get through this.