In this video, we're going to be talking about what to do when your ex ignores you. But first,
my name is Clay with ModernLove.Life, where we help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not. Because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are. If you
agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing to the
channel and hitting that bell icon down below, if you are new here.
Also, I wanted to let you know, that we have our course called Connect And Commit. It's
been out for a little while now, but it helps you to handle these like little make or break
situations such as what to do when your ex is ignoring you.
It helps you to turn these situations into opportunities for greater connection, bonding
and building that emotional foundation that could potentially help you to make that jump
to actually getting back together. You can find more information on that in the description
box for this video down below, but not going to hard sell you on it. So if you're interested
in it, cool, if not, no worries. But let's go ahead and get into this. So if your ex
ignores you basically, I don't imagine they're actually ignoring you in real life, but if
they're ignoring you, it's probably on the phone through texting, through social media
or something like that. If that's the case, we don't necessarily want to jump to conclusions,
at least at first, that they're necessarily ignoring you. There are lots of things that
can happen. People sometimes lose their phones and they don't know where it is or they're
busy with something and they just get caught up and they don't have the time to get back
to you for a little while, things like that happen.
Things like that happen often. Sometimes people even like start drafting up something to respond
to you with, and then they forget to actually push the send button and they think that they
push the send button, but it's just kind of like sitting there waiting to be sent. It's
happened to me a few times. It's happened to people that I know a few times as well,
too. So don't necessarily jump to conclusions that they're ignoring you. They might just
be busy with something they might've forgotten to push the send button. Other things could
have been going on in their life or potentially they're just trying to wait it out so that
they can think about how they want to respond to you in a good way. They're not just wanting
to respond to you like off the cuff, but they want to actually think about this and make
sure that they're responding to you in the best possible way for them.
Second of all, you want to make sure that if you are going to start to think about reasons
that they might be ignoring you, that you don't necessarily want to act on those conclusions
until you have solid evidence for them to actually confirm that. Right? So if you think
that they're ignoring you, but maybe they're just, I don't know, out doing something. Then
you start to get upset because you think that they're intentionally ignoring you and then
you start to text them or lash out at them or accused them of things. Then later on you
find out, oh, they were just really busy or they forgot their phones somewhere, or they
couldn't find their phone, or they thought that they replied to you, but they didn't
reply to you or something like that. It can do a lot more damage than good.
So do not act on any conclusions that you're maybe drawing in your mind. Well, first of
all, I mean, obviously try not to jump to conclusions, but if you are going to jump
to conclusions, at least hesitate on acting on them until you actually have some concrete
evidence to back them up. Because you can often do a lot of damage. If you start to
accuse someone of something, when maybe that's not even what they were actually doing. Then
you have a lot of repair work that you need to do before you can even just kind of get
back to where you were originally. What you do want to do though, is you want
to take a curious stance and be okay with having this unknown thing, that's sitting
there in front of you. So oftentimes we have this experience in our lives, where there
are certain things that are kind of left unanswered, like why didn't they respond to me? Our mind
can often rush in to fill in those blanks or answer those questions by saying, oh, they
didn't respond to me because they're intentionally ignoring me or they didn't respond to me because
they're trying to send me a message that there's like, no hope of us ever getting back together,
or they're not responding to me because they're trying to let me down easy or something like
that. These are all things that we're manufacturing in our own mind. Then we're kind of stuffing
those into the unknown situation in our awareness. But you have to realize that that is just
kind of one way of making sense of it. There could be countless things that could possibly
be going on and until we actually have any concrete and tangible evidence about, yeah,
this is why they're not responding to me. Again, you can do a lot of damage by jumping
to conclusions. So what I want you to do is I want you to
kind of not necessarily rush to fill in those unknowns and fill in those blanks with some
sort of meaning that's not necessarily there. Start to be okay with the unknown. Start to
be okay with oh they didn't respond to me and I don't know why, and that's okay. I don't
need to say that they're ignoring me intentionally. I don't need to say it's because of this or
it's not because of that or they're feeling this way, or they're not feeling that way.
We don't need to know. We don't need to fill in that meaning until we actually get some
concrete evidence. Next, I also want you to keep in mind that
the reason why they might not be responding to you or why your ex might be ignoring you,
if you've kind of given them a little bit of slack however long it normally takes them
to reply, you've kind of given them that amount of time, plus maybe a little bit extra just
in case something came up and it starting to look like, okay, they're actually intentionally
going out of their way to ignore you. What I want you to understand is that it probably
has more to do with them than it does with you. So, unless you had some sort of like
major blow out argument or something like that, the reason why they are probably you
or avoiding contacting you probably has a lot more to do with them and how they're choosing
to deal with their emotions and how they're choosing to deal with the things that they're
experiencing and thinking and feeling more so than it has to do with you.
So if, for example, they might think, okay, if we're in contact with one another, that
means that we have to be moving towards a relationship or nothing at all. So, why are
we in contact with one another? Am I ready to date you? Am I ready to get back together
with you? Do I want to be in a relationship with you again? Now you might think that these
are great things for them to be thinking and at a certain point in time, it absolutely
is a good thing for them to be thinking. But if they don't have the emotional foundation
to stand on, these thoughts can actually cause them to effectively chicken out. If they don't
know, if they think that the two of you have to either be like all or nothing they might
actually start to hold themselves back because they don't know how to deal with that uncertainty.
They don't know how to deal with their mixed or torn feelings towards you. So they might
hold themselves back. It's really more to do about them than it
is with you. That's of course, just one example of this other examples might be like, okay,
they don't know how to express their emotions fully so they're choosing to just kind of
hide in the background. Or maybe they don't know how to address uncomfortable situations.
So they're choosing to just kind of ignore it and just unfortunately kind of wall you
out. Hopefully just for a temporary amount of time. But these have more to do with them
than they have to do with you. Now, before we go on, I just want to let you
know, we do have our whole video playlist on texting your ex. If you want to check that
out, it's up there. The last thing I want you to keep in mind is you want to keep the
pressure and expectation lower to allow them to interact with you without stress. So if
your ex is holding back on talking to you intentionally, it's probably because there's
some degree of stress, some of that all or nothing sort of thinking like, oh, if we're
talking to each other, it means you think that there's hope of us getting back together.
I don't know if we're ready. Or if we're talking to each other, it means that there's definitely
something here between us and we're kind of figuring out what that is.
Again, I know that you probably want them to be thinking these things and I know that
it can sound like that's a good thing, but if that emotional connection is not in place,
it can be more than they can handle. So what we want to do is we want to keep the expectation
and pressure dialed down as low as possible, because this is going to allow them to comfortably
interact with us without feeling as if they need to have this pressure to decide, have
this pressure to choose, are we going to get back together? Are we not going to get back
together again? There is a time and place for figuring all of that stuff out.
There is a time and place for putting some pressure on them and getting them to make
a decision. But if your ex is going out of their way to ignore you, chances are you're
not quite there yet and you need to kind of build up that emotional foundation first,
before you start to put some pressure on them, through something that we call the fork in
the road strategy, but that is a topic for another time and another place.
But once again, if you do want to learn more about how to turn little moments like when
your ex is ignoring you and to opportunities for greater connection, you might want to
check out Connect And Commit. You can use things such as the closing, the loop technique
in order to respond to situations like that. Again, more info on that down below in the
description box, but thank you so much for watching this video.
Once again, my name is Clay. Be sure to give this video a thumbs up and subscribe to the
channel. If you want to learn more about how to text your ex, check out this video series
over here, or be sure to check out this video over here, but thanks so much, please take
care. I will talk to you in the next video. Hope you're staying safe. Hope you're staying
healthy and hope you're doing all right out there with everything that's going on in the
world. I will talk to you in the next video. Take care.