- [Gamer] Hey, kids.
Today, I'm playing Happy Wheels.
And, apparently, there's a meth addict on the cover there.
I don't know what that's about.
Alright.
Oh, I remember this guy.
Alright, whoa.
Whoa! (breaking glass)
Steady. Whoa.
There shouldn't be glass on that road.
Alright, just peddling my bicycle with my son on the back.
Oh! Oh my goodness! Oh!
I was just decapitated.
Now, almost every appendage from my body is.
Okay, let's start again.
Let's try this again.
Alright, peddling up.
Whoa! (breaking glass)
Someone needs to move that glass.
(explosion) Oh! Wow!
That wasn't good.
Let's see if I can get a little bit farther this time.
And someone should just get rid of that glass
because my tires could pop.
I could cut myself badly.
Anything could happen.
Alright, here we go. Oh!
My head is still attached somehow to my body.
That's really gross.
Jeez, they make these so hard.
Let's try this one.
Awesome Ball Thrower.
Well, there's nothing awesome about that
(victorious trumpets play) Whoa!
What kinda game is this?
I thought I was just supposed to toss a ball around.
Instead it's like some scene out of the movie Saw.
My goodness.
Alright, here we go.
This is nice.
Oh, sorry sir, didn't mean to
(explosion) Oh!
What just happened?
Is that some type of harpoon device?
I don't know if I like that.
Let's try Awesome Ride.
That'll be fun.
(victorious trumpets play)
Whoa!
What kinda ride is that?
It's certainly not awesome.
Should be called the Sudden Death Ride.
Oh, what is?
This is some new kind of fangled future device.
(explosion) What? Oh!
Well, maybe if I just get the hang of it.
That was weird.
Alright, Awesome bike.
Here we, whoa!
I've never seen a bicycle like this before.
Hopefully I'll be able to stay on it this time.
Alright. Oh!
(victorious trumpets play) Oh!
I won while at the same time losing
because my torso was cut in half.
Let's see if I can do this and staying in one piece.
Alright, come on. (crashing)
Whoa!
Stay on the ball! (victorious trumpets play)
Darn it. Once again I've died.
Let's try a new one.
Awesome win sounds cool.
- [Booming Male Voice] All are dead!
- [Gamer] Whoa!
That's a lot of dead bodies.
I don't even wanna play that.
That does not sound good.
Let's try something else.
Oh, here we go.
I look like someone who frequents Walmart.
Okay. Here we go.
She's probably on her way to get some more insulin.
I would imagine.
Wow, she would take first prize at the County Faire
if you catch my drift. (laughs boisterously)
No, I'm just kidding.
Diabetes is a serious disease
and you should have regular diet and that.
Is that Mayonnaise?
Is she trying to get Mayonnaise?
I don't know what the object of this game is.
Oh, all of her groceries are out now.
Now, I'm in a freefall. Whoa!
Oh, and I died.
Alright, come on! You can do it!
Come on Bertha.
Alright, here we go.
Yeah, she's chasing after that Coca-Cola.
Alright, whoa, this is so weird.
(victorious trumpets play)
I made it, yay!
And she's still in one piece.
I wonder if that's cuz she has a lower center of gravity.
Who knows?
But, let's see how many. Oh!
There goes her arm.
So, I wonder though.
I wonder if she lost a limb because of the game
or because of her type two diabetes.
I'm not sure.
But, did she win?
No, her head's off.
That's not a good look for her.
(alternative rock music)
Alright, let's try another game.
Blade Rider II!
With real A.I.!
Alright. Whoa!
A second ago she was.
Wow, she has quite, whoa!
Why is she hurting me with an ax?
That wasn't nice.
One minute she's grocery shopping
and now she's an ax-wielding murderer?
Whoa! Is those, those meat cleavers?
What is going on?
Why does everybody wanna kill me?
Alright, now there's a black man with a machete.
Sir, please, I have no beef with you.
Ow! Why did you stab me?
And why are you able to fly
as if you're Harry Potter playing quidditch?
What is going on? Oh!
He's completely impaled my body and will not let it go.
Sir, I think you've done as much damage as you're gonna do.
Please, let me go.
Let go of me! Will you get off of me!
I'm trying to complete the course.
What are you doing?
Oh, and then he drags me down
into the Nether regions of Hell.
That's very nice. Okay.
Let's try Subway Rampage.
Alright, okay,
apparently I'm a horrible train conductor
who's busy texting.
(explosion and screams)
Oh!
You should get off your cell phone, sir.
You are causing multiple fatalities.
Wait, wait a sec.
This cannot be based on reality,
because there's no way a Metro train
would be able to go through an entire building like that.
Whoa!
I just took out a gas station!
Now, McDonalds?
(victorious trumpets play) Well, McDonalds will kill you.
Oh, my. Did I win?
You'd think you'd lose killing that many people,
but I guess not.
Anyway, if you kids have liked me playing all these strange,
hyper-violent video games, be sure and like this video.
And if you haven't subscribed to the channel,
well, you probably should,
because there's plenty more where that came from.
I'm Grandpa Lemon, and I'll see you kids (cartoon snoring)
(excited screaming and talking over each other)