-Attorney General Merrick Garland
has appointed a special counsel
to look into the classified documents that were found
at President Biden's home and office
from his time as vice president.
Meanwhile, Fox News and the GOP
have been stoking a ridiculous new freakout about gas stoves.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]
When it comes to job approval ratings,
Joe Biden went through a rough stretch last year.
His numbers were down, gas prices were up,
inflation was rampant,
and he was constantly getting hammered
by reporters with tough questions.
You could see it in his body language.
During press conferences, he'd just close his eyes
[ Laughter ] and put his head down,
like the questions were causing him physical pain.
That's what my mom does when my dad starts
telling a story she's heard multiple times.
[ Laughter ]
"Oh, my God.
[ Applause ]
Nobody cares that the car wash forgot
to charge you for the spray wax."
[ Laughter ]
And you could tell just how low his confidence was.
Remember how he used to do that thing
where he'd list his accomplishments,
but he'd whisper them into the mic,
like they were a secret?
-Hey, guys.
[ Whispering ] I think it's time
to give ordinary people a tax break.
I made it clear to my friends up in Nantucket and that area
[ Whispering ] I don't want to hear any more about you don't like
looking at them. [ Laughter ]
You know, Michelle, he knows, we all know --
[ Whispering ] he couldn't have done it without you.
[ Laughter ] Ask me, "Well, you know, guess what.
Employers can't find workers."
[ Whispering ] I said, "Yeah.
Pay them more." [ Laughter ]
I wrote the bill
on the environment.
I got them $1.9 trillion relief, so far.
[ Laughter ] Biden was so cautious at the time,
he was afraid people would find out what he was doing.
[ As Biden ] Look, let's just keep this
between you, me, and the TV cameras, okay?
[ Laughter ]
I mean, was he answering questions at a press conference
or trying not to spook a horse?
[ Laughter ]
Was that the press conference
where all the reporters were horses?
[ Laughter ]
Alright, steady, now, steady.
Let's do this in an orderly fashion.
Any questions?
[ Hooves stampeding ] Whoa! Whoa!
[ Laughter ]
That whisper is the same move I pull when I try to trick my kids
into doing something they don't want to do.
[ As Biden, whispering ] Alright, guys, I got a super duper secret mission for you,
but you -- you can't tell Mom.
We got to clean up all our LEGOs as fast as possible.
[ Laughter ]
And they know it's bull[bleep],
so they immediately start making demands.
"I want a lollipop! I want a 'Paw Patrol'!"
And they just keep screaming at me until I pull a Biden.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Point is things were going great for Biden, polling-wise,
then he scored a string of legislative victories,
gas prices fell, inflation slowed down,
unemployment stayed low, and Republicans melted down
after a disastrous midterm election
that left them with a weak
and fractious majority in the House.
And, according to The Economist...
I mean, I would say Biden did cartwheels
through the White House when he heard those numbers,
but I think we all know that would not end well
We play --
[ Laughter and applause ]
We play that clip a lot, but here's the deal --
[ Laughter ]
If you're the most powerful person in the world
and you somehow trip up the stairs...
[ Laughter ]
...not once, but multiple times,
we gonna roast you.
You know, in fact,
I have a button on my desk
that I can press at any time
to roll that clip in case of an emergency
or if Wally accidentally has a wardrobe malfunction.
-That's ridiculous, Seth.
How would I have a wardrobe malfunction?
-Wally, why are you holding the cue cards
up in front of your chest like that?
-Oh, this? I just forgot to put on my nipple covers today.
Want to see? -No! No! No!
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
The point is Biden's approval ratings are up now
and Americans are happy with the way he's doing his job.
He's riding high and I'm sure nothing --
nothing -- could possibly screw that up.
-Attorney General Merrick Garland
appointed a special counsel to oversee the investigation
of classified documents found on President Biden's property.
-Seth.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Cheering and applause ]
[ Whistling ]
-I don't know.
Just it's a big story. I thought it'd be a longer clip.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, sure, when Trump --
when it's classified documents for Trump, 45 seconds!
[ Laughter ]
Let -- Play it one more time.
I'll show you what it was supposed to look like.
[ Laughter ]
-Attorney General Merrick Garland
appointed a special counsel to oversee the investigation
of classified documents found on President Biden's property.
-Well, [bleep].
[ Laughter and applause ]
Or, as Biden would say --
[ As Biden, whispering ] Well, [bleep].
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, obviously --
[ Cheering ]
Obviously, it's not great for Biden
that there's a special counsel looking into the storage
of classified documents from his time as vice president,
although, there are huge differences
between this and Trump's case, which we'll get to in a sec.
Biden's team reportedly found a small number of documents
in two locations, including the garage
where his Corvette is parked, which he was asked about today.
-According to President Joe Biden,
these classified documents were found in his personal library
and in the garage of his home in Wilmington, Delaware.
Just moments ago,
Biden addressed the matter very briefly,
saying it was a locked garage
where he also keeps his Corvette.
-Let me -- I'm going to get a chance
to speak on all of this, God willing, soon,
but as I said earlier this week, people --
and, by the way, my Corvette's in a locked garage, okay?
So, it's not like they're sitting out in the street.
But, as I said earlier this week,
people know I take classified documents
and classified material seriously.
I also said we're cooperating fully and completely
with the Justice Department's review.
-I mean, I guess, if you're going to store
classified documents somewhere, you might as well do it next
to your kickass Corvette, you know,
[ Laughter ] so that, when they eventually find them,
you can brag that you have a Corvette.
[ Laughter ]
If I took classified documents,
I'd keep them next to my Emmy statue,
just so, when the feds came to my house, I could say,
"Oh, that whole thing? It's just an Emmy Award.
It's for songwriting, but they all count the same!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
I will say it's a fitting place to find them, considering Trump
had his classified documents at Mar-A-Lago
because Biden's Mar-A-Lago is definitely
a garage with a Corvette in it.
[ Laughter ] [ As Biden ] Honey, I'm off to my private club.
"You mean the garage?"
That's right -- Car-A-Lago!
[ Laughter ]
[ Fresh laughter ]
Also, I like Biden's insistence
that the Corvette was locked away.
[ As Biden ] That baby's locked away.
It's never coming out.
One time I left it parked in the street
and some kids in the neighborhood
took it for a joyride.
I'll never forget what I heard
as they were driving away.
[ Yello's "Oh Yeah" plays ]
[ Laughter and applause ] -♪ Oh, yeah ♪
-Bueller!
Now, obviously, this is not great for Biden
and he shouldn't have had those documents,
although, personally, I feel like finding a small number
of classified documents in someone's home or office
is not a big deal, as long as they give them back,
which is true for Trump, too.
If Trump had just given back all the documents
when he was asked, we wouldn't have had a problem
and that's the difference, right?
Biden is cooperating fully,
turning over all the documents immediately, looking for more.
Trump refused to turn them over
for more than a year after repeated requests,
claims he could declassify them with his mind,
[ Laughter ] lied about them,
and even moved them around, which is what led
to the FBI search
that discovered even more classified documents
that Trump had refused to turn over,
which makes the GOP attempt to draw
a false equivalence between the two very silly.
-Why aren't they in there right now, with subpoenas,
going through every single record there?
-Where's the raid?! -Classified documents.
Right. Where is the raid?
And let me -- let me -- -Where's the FBI raid?
-We have a quote here from Representative James Comer,
from the Oversight Committee, who said...
-Monday night, in a post, Trump asked...
[ Laughter ] -Why would the FBI raid someone
who is already handing over everything they're asking for?
I don't know, maybe so they could get a sneak peek
at that Corvette?
[ Laughter ] "FBI! Open up!
Now, hand over the keys to that car and retract the roof.
I want to feel the wind in my hair!"
[ Laughter ]
Why does Trump think they should raid the White House?
If there's anywhere a classified document should be,
it's the White House.
[ Laughter ]
Trump would make an awful detective.
[ As Trump ] Okay, guys, now we just need to find some evidence.
I say we raid the evidence locker.
[ Laughter ]
They're all in bags. This is very suspicious.
[ Laughter ]
They're all -- There's labels.
Everything's in a bag.
[ Laughter ]
Again, the situation --
there's dead bodies in the morgue.
Bad news.
[ Laughter ] Call Homicide.
I opened up one of those drawers.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I figured it out.
[ Laughter ]
Again, the situations are very different,
although, the timing is not great,
given that Biden has been riding high in the polls.
And, as a general rule, whenever Biden is riding high,
the GOP and Fox News crank up the freakometer
to try to scare you about something dumb,
like the War on Christmas or woke M&M's.
For example, you might remember that,
early in Biden's presidency,
Fox claimed he was trying to ban hamburgers.
-Say goodbye to your burgers,
if you want to sign up for the Biden climate agenda.
-He wants to cut out 90% of the red meat that you all eat.
That's four pounds a year.
-No burgers on July 4th.
No steaks on the barbie.
[ Laughter ] I'm sure middle America
is just going to love that.
I'm sorry, but what American refers
to the barbecue as the barbie?
[ Laughter and applause ]
You sound like an Australian spy trying
to blend in as an undercover American.
[ Cheering ]
"Hey, blokes, who wants to grill
some American hamburgers on the barbie?
[ Laughter ] Then we can go on a walkabout
into the Outback to look for some koalas,
maybe play the didgeridoo.
I mean the guitar!
[ Australian accent ] Crikey!
I think they're on to me, mate!
[ Laughter and applause ]
You got to get me out.
They're as cross as a frog in a sock, oi!
[ Laughter ]
I think that was a German pretending to be --
[ Laughter ] That was a German spy
pretending to be an Australian spy,
pretending to be an American.
[ Laughter ]
That's the depths of the accent work I'm doing.
[ Laughter ]
Hard as it is to believe, none of that was true.
Despite greedy old Joe Biden trying
to get his sweaty paws on your hamburgers,
red meat was still legal on July 4th,
so, now, Fox has moved on to yet another loopy little freakout --
Biden is coming to your house to take away your gas stove.
-Could the Biden administration be coming for your gas stove?
The answer is yes!
-Joe Biden's climate change agenda
now targeting your kitchen.
-Your family dinner is about to get a lot less tasty.
-The White House is now attempting to ban
all gas ovens and burners.
-Biden's coming for your gas stove.
-A ban on your gas stove.
-Ban gas-powered stoves.
-A stove like this one could be banned soon.
-Your gas stove may be buh-bye.
[ Laughter ] -I'm not giving up my gas stove.
-If you touch my propane, then I'm really going
to be ticked off, right? -Yeah, it's not happening.
-Nobody's going to tell me I can't cook with gas!
-[ As Pirro ] Nobody's going to tell me I can cook with gas!
[ Laughter ] You could try, but I'm not going to hear you
because I never stop talking and, when I talk,
I can't even hear a jet plane when it flies overhead!
[ Laughter ]
Now, I do say, I just realized
if you averaged out Joe Biden and Jeanine Pirro,
you would get one normal speaking voice.
[ Laughter ]
Then there was Congressman Ronny Jackson
from Texas. You might remember him.
Jackson had his own little meltdown on Twitter,
where he wrote...
[ Laughter ]
I do like to imagine what circumstances would lead
to someone dying while clutching their gas stove.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Honey, I think there's a burglar downstairs.
Hand me my stove."
[ Laughter and applause ] Then the cops would show up all confused.
"Well, I guess we better pry that thing
from his cold, dead hands."
[ New York accent ] Good news, Chief --
the hands aren't actually that cold,
you know, on account of him holding the stove.
[ Laughter ]
Although, I think my favorite example has
to be this one, from Tucker Carlson,
who was in the middle of a segment about something
completely different when he said this --
-At the same time, these same people are telling us
that it's "dangerous" to use a natural gas stove
in your home, because of emissions,
but they're not concerned about smoking meth?
[ Laughter ] Like at some point, you have to wonder like
what's really going on here?
-Yeah, man, what the hell?!
When are they finally going to make meth illegal?
[ Laughter ]
But he's right about one thing.
You really do have to wonder.
[ As Carlson ] I mean, what's going on here?
They want to take your stove away,
but they don't care if you smoke meth?
Are they going to take your stove
and replace it with a meth lab?
[ Laughter ] And then if everyone has
a meth lab in their home, what will happen
to the price of meth on the street?
[ Laughter ] Will this put hardworking Americans,
like Gustavo Fring, out of work?
[ Laughter ] Maybe you're thinking,
"Can't he just fall back on his restaurant,
Los Pollos Hermanos?"
Not anymore, he can't.
[ Laughter ]
Because they took his stove.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, here's what --
...here's what's actually going on.
Recent studies have confirmed
something scientists have been researching for a long time,
which is that gas stove pollution can be harmful
and cause a variety of health problems,
including childhood asthma.
In fact, the risks are...
Now, let me just stop here to say
that it doesn't exactly shock me to find out
that burning gas inside your house on a daily basis
might not be like the best thing for you.
[ Laughter ] Maybe this is new information, but it can't be that surprising.
Like on the spectrum of shocking revelations,
there's finding out that gas stoves are bad for you
[ Raising voice ] and then there's finding out that Prince Harry
had frostbite on his penis at William and Kate's wedding.
[ Laughter and applause ]
That is a real thing from his book.
I did not make that up.
[ Laughter ]
Wally, have you ever had frostbite on your penis?
-Seth, it's funny you should ask.
[ Laughter and applause ]
So, anyway...
[ Laughter ] Then a member of the
U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission said...
That was quickly clarified yesterday
by the chair of the commission, who said...
"...and the commission has no proceedings to do so."
So, the whole freakout was much ado about nothing.
No one is taking your gas stove.
That said, you can get cash incentives from the government
to switch to an electric or induction stove --
if you want --
which is better for both you and the environment,
but it is up to you.
If you feel really strongly about it,
you can keep cooking with gas. You can even use gas to cook,
as Americans would say...
-Steaks on the barbie.
[ Laughter ]
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪ [ Cheering and applause ]