Can I just say …
I forgot the E and the T!
Hi. My name is Sandra, and I am bold.
And I’m “the skinny one.”
I’m restless.
And I’m competitive.
Sensitive
Impulsive
Unsure Is that OK?
Because I feel that I can come across as overwhelming and a bit, you know, right up against people.
You do things spontaneously and you react and just get things done.
You seize the moment!
That’s me.
Unpretentious.
If you want an opinion on something you’re wearing,
don’t ask me, because you might get a bit too honest answer.
I can often say things that maybe other people can’t say,
and maybe get a conversation going.
I have no problem with sharing things.
I was kind of like, class clown.
I could always like, when someone didn’t dare to do anything it was like,
“Andrea, you go do that, because I can’t.”
And it was no problem for me, I could just go do it.
Before, when I’d come home from being with some friends, I would just kick myself.
Like, class clown, why did I have to say that?
Why do I always have to try to be like, the funny one?
Or like, I talked about myself the whole evening … again.
You know, and I saw that, and I didn’t want to be like that.
And I hated that about myself.
I felt like I was always the biggest person in the room.
I bullied myself, pretty much.
I overthought everything I did, and even when people would give me a compliment or something,
then in my head I’d be like, “You liar!
Like, didn’t you see … I could have done that way better.”
Everything.
I just tore myself down the whole time.
I was never good enough, I was never …
I was just: failure. Big failure.
I felt like I needed to be a certain way so that Jesus would love me.
And I definitely wasn’t like that, so …
When I really came into need that I have to stop these thoughts … where do I start?
Where do I start to turn that around?
It was like a huge mountain in front of me.
Then I came really into need that I need to know Jesus as a friend.
I googled verses and I looked in the Bible and I really …
I needed to find out that Jesus loves me.
And then I sat down and it just became so great for me, what Jesus has done for me.
And I just kind of saw it as like Jesus and God were up in heaven, and they were like,
you know, making the earth, making me.
And then Jesus came down to the earth of His own will; He didn’t have anything,
and all by Himself, with just His connection with God,
He overcame everything.
And He did it for me.
It’s just huge!
I was sitting there, I remember I was sitting in my kitchen, I was just like …
It’s huge!
It’s just overwhelmingly great!
And then I really, for the first time, I really believed, “Wow, Jesus really loves me!
And He’s doing this for me!”
And He also showed me the way.
And I think for the first time, that’s really the first time that I started believing that
I have Jesus with me, and that He’s my best friend.
But after that it was like, “I know Jesus loves me,
and thank you God for making me exactly the way I am,
and help me so that I can see my worth,
and that You can just guide my path so that
I can be the best tool in Your hands possible.”
Then I realized, OK, wow, if I’m going to start chipping away
at this mountain of terrible, destructive thoughts that I have against myself,
then I can’t just say “no” all the time.
I can’t just be like, “No, no, don’t think that, don’t think that, no, no, no, no.”
I have to fight with something.
I really had to use these little … like, write down things,
use things in my daily life so that I would remember.
When I take God’s word, and I obey it and I do what it says there, I have huge confidence.
I have boldness then to just charge against all those thoughts
that are in my head, that tear me down.
That’s where I get boldness from: when I hold myself to God’s word.
For example, it says in Psalms that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
And here I am, going against that.
It’s like, kind of giving God a slap in the face,
for that what He has created is not good enough.
Really? Like, who am I?
The point isn’t that I do everything in my power to change my personality, because
I’m a bit not satisfied with it.
But the thing is that I know that God has made me perfectly.
And Jesus loves me completely.
And when I learn to also love myself, my personality, then I can cleanse that,
and those things that before were maybe my weakness,
they are now my strength.
It is a battle.
And there’s going to be lots of tears.
But it also says that those who sow with tears, they will reap with joy.
And believe that.
Believe that, OK, there’s going to be a time,
and it’s going to hurt and it’s going to suck.
But when I have Jesus there it’s so hopeful.
And you experience that every single day.
You are held up by your faith in Jesus.
And He is there for you. And to believe that. And it will succeed.
Uh, what’s the question?
So, it’s important to learn about yourself and know who you are.
But not to let it disadvantage you or let it get you down.
So, use that confidence to lift others. It helps.
It’s a characteristic that God gave me personally, and He uses it for me to do good things.
And do them quickly.