- [Narrator] "Scream" is an Oscar winning film
about mean teens that make prank phone calls.
Once I prank called my boss and told him
he won a pepperoni pizza and he called me an asshole.
(upbeat music)
The movie starts with ghost man calling up Jewel Barrymore
on her vintage phone.
She says, "Wassup?"
And he says "Wassup, wassup?
"I'm watching you little lady and you're making
"tasty popcorn on the stove instead of the microwave
"and that is punishable by death."
Then they play a fond game of movie trivia.
He asked her who played the little girl in E dot T
and she says, "Ellen DeGeneres," which is incorrect.
Duh, stupid.
Everyone knows the girl on ET is Rodney Dangerfield.
So the ghost kills her boyfriend who was getting
a tan outside wearing many, many layers
and sweating a lot.
Womp womp.
She runs away but scary mask guy gets her too.
Poor Jewel dot rest in peace.
And now she won't get to eat the popcorn.
Meanwhile, Nerve Camel is a girl whose boyfriend
climbs in window like "Clarissa Explains it All."
They do making out on her bed, but she wants to stop.
The boyfriend is so ready for doing it
because her ponytail gives her the hornies.
So he pouts and says, "I have severe pain in my blue balls,"
so she shows her mammaries and his balls go away.
Thank God.
The next day at school is very exciting
because Jill Bardimore is deceased,
but mostly because Monicle from "Friends" is there.
Fonzie and David Archuleta are performing tortures
on Nerve Campbell to see if she will them
who did the murders.
He says, "If you don't tell me who did it,
"I will touch your chin in a very creepy way."
Maybe Fonzie is the killer.
Now Nervous Cambell gets the squad together.
The squad is blue ball boyfriend, girl from "Charmed,"
Shaggy, and Jamie Kennedy Experiment.
Very complete squad in my opinion.
They have a meeting and say, "Who done the murders?
"Who done it?"
Shaggy has long tongue that looks like a sword
so now I think he is the killer.
Mama mia.
Now Neveve is chilling hard and she gets a phone call.
Oh no, not another movie trivia night.
Oh yes, another movie trivia night.
Ghost man asks her, "What's the best movie in history?"
And she says, "Gigli," and the man says, "Incorrect."
The best movie of all time is "Scream 2."
So now the long ghost appears.
He tries to attack her but she kicks him and yanks.
He runs away screaming, "My eggs."
And next thing you know her boyfriend walks in.
So I guess we found the killer and the movie ends.
Nevermind, it keeps going.
Bummer.
Now everyone is scared that they will be
the next victim of the movie trivia long ghost.
And sure enough, the Fonz has a murder done on him
and his last words are, "Monday, Tuesday, happy day.
"But Wednesday is sad day because my intestines
"are falling out of my stomach."
Rest in peace, dude.
The students get happy because Fonz is dead
so they throw a hot teen drinking party to celebrate.
It's all fun until that girl, "Charmed", gets stuck
in garage door and gets crushed to death.
Arr, eye peal.
Meanwhile, Neve is having sex
with boyfriend for the first time.
His blue balls explode and he dies so the movie ends.
Nevermind, another false alarm.
Sad.
Now Nerve is feeling unlucky because her new outfit
is covered in tomato bisque plus everyone she meets
gets killed by this guy in a cloak.
So she goes inside to change but she finds out
had his balls un-blown up and is alive again
and he is the killer.
But Shaggy says, "Excuse me, I am the killer too, babe."
It's very confusing and I want to get back
to the party where there's popcorn.
The whole movie I'm distracted because I want to eat
that salty, salty popcorn.
The movie ends when the boyfriends eggs explode again, wow.
And Shaggy dies and there's so much blood
that I get thirsty to wash down my popcorn
with Hawaiian Punch.
Monica does a news report about the whole thing
and all of the stabbies and everyone is happy again
until "Scream 2" and then until "Scream 3"
and then for a couple years until "Scream 4" comes around.
Oh well, what can you do, people love to stab.