>> Stephen: GIVE IT UP FOR "THE LATE SHOW" BAND WITH
MR. LEWIS KATO UP FRONT THEY'RE MY GOODNESS!
RIGHT HERE AND HOLD THAT MAGIC TICKET.
THIS IS THE MAGIC TICKET RIGHT HERE, BECAUSE THIS IS THE THING.
THESE ARE THE QUESTIONS I WILL ASK HIM JUST A LITTLE WHILE OF
THE ONE AND ONLY NICOLAS CAGE THAT IS GOING TO BE RIGHT HERE!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] FOLKS, I LOVE SCIENCE.
IT HAS GIVEN US SO MANY EXPERIMENTAL DISCOVERIES.
PENICILLIN, ELECTRICITY, FROOT WITH TWO Os.
THEY SYNTHESIZED IT IN THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER.
AND I LIKE TO BRING YOU ALL OF THE LATEST SCIENCE NEWS AND MY
LONG-RUNNING SEGMENT, THE SOUND OF SCIENCE.
♪ HELLO SCIENCE MILD FRIEND ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
PEOPLE LOVE IT! PEOPLE LOVE IT!
FIRST UP, NEW RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT THE EARTH'S CORE SEEMS TO
BE SURROUNDED BY AN ENIGMATIC LAYER BETWEEN THE EARTH'S SOLID
MANTLE AND ITS SCORCHING HOT LIQUID OUTER CORE.
A REASON SEISMOLOGISTS REFERRED TO AS THE FIRST BITE OF FRENCH
ONION SOUP. [LAUGHTER]
THE NEW RESEARCH SUGGESTS THAT PREVIOUSLY WE HAVE THOUGHT OF
THE AREA AROUND THE EARTH'S CORE AS SIMPLE NESTED LAYERS, BUT THE
ZONE IS MORE OF THE GEOLOGICAL ASPECT BEING DESCRIBED AS "HOT
ROCKY JELL-O." OR IS IT IS KNOWN IN THE
MIDWEST, "SALAD." [LAUGHTER]
NEXT UP -- SURE, WHY NOT. NEXT UP, ACCORDING TO NEW
RESEARCH, STRESSED PLANTS MAKE ULTRASONIC CLICKING NOISES WHICH
RESEARCHERS RECORDED BY PUTTING MICROPHONES NEXT TO LIVING
PLANTS. WORST PODCAST EVER.
[LAUGHTER] THE RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT
PLANTS AND MEANT A SOUND WHEN THEY BECOME DEHYDRATED OR
INFECTED OR WHEN THEY ARE CUT. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU MOW THE
LAWN IF YOU HEAR A MILLION TINY SCREAMS, THAT'S JUST THE GRASS
BEGGING FOR MERCY AS YOU DISMEMBER IT.
AND IF YOU HEAR ONE BIG SCREAM, THAT'S JUST YOU COPING WITH THE
REALITY THAT YOU KNOW THIS NOW. [LAUGHTER]
NEXT UP, ACCORDING TO NEW DATA, AFTER A LITTLE BECAUSE OF COVID
IN RECENT MONTHS, SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS
HAVE SPIKED SIGNIFICANTLY ACROSS THE BIG APPLE.
WELL, IT'S JUST LIKE SINATRA'S FAMOUS SONG --
♪ START SPREADING THE GONORRHEA ♪
IN ORDER TO STOP THE SPREAD, THE CITY'S INCREASING TESTING BY
REPURCHASING LAB EQUIPMENT USED FOR COVID TESTS.
THAT'S FINE AS LONG AS THEY DON'T ALSO REPURPOSE THE TESTING
SITES. [LAUGHTER]
WOW. WOW.
WOW. [APPLAUSE]
FOUND THE LINE. NEXT UP, ACCORDING TO NEW
RESEARCH "DRUNK MY SOBER UP TWICE AS FAST WHEN GIVEN A
HORMONE INJECTION." OH, THANK GOD.
STUART LITTLE CAN'T AFFORD ANOTHER DUI.
NEXT UP, SCIENTISTS HAVE DISCOVERED A LEAK IN THE BOTTOM
OF THE OCEAN OF LOW SALINITY MINERAL RICH SPRING WATER THAT
ACTS AS SORT OF A TECTONIC LUKE LUBRICANT.
TECTONIC LUBRICANT IS ALSO SO MUCH BETTER THAN KY JELLY FISH.
ACCORDING TO THE RESEARCHERS THE FLUID IS COMING STRAIGHT FROM
SOMETHING CALLED THE CASCADIA MEGA THRUST.
TECTONIC LUBE, MEGA THRUST, DOESN'T MATTER IF WE POLLUTE THE
OCEAN? IT'S ALREADY SO DIRTY.
NEXT UP THERE IS SOME BIG PALEONTOLOGY NEWS, BECAUSE
TYRANNOSAURUS REX HAD LIPS, A NEW STUDY SUGGESTS.
FINALLY HE EXPLAINS ALL OF THOSE T-REX SKELETONS FOUND BURIED
WITH THE TRUMPET. [LAUGHTER]
THAT'S FOR YOU, BABY. THAT'S FOR YOU.
NEXT UP, SCIENTISTS TRIED MAGIC TRICKS ON MONKEYS AND DISCOVERED
THAT THE SLEIGHT-OF-HAND TO MOVE BEING DEMONSTRATED HERE WAS MORE
LIKELY TO FOOL THEM IF THE MONKEY HAD OPPOSABLE THUMBS.
THIS IS SURE TO BE A BIG HIT AT THE UPCOMING INTERNATIONAL
SCIENTIFIC SYMPOSIUM OF STUFF WE DID INSTEAD OF CURING CANCER.
OH, AT 2:00 P.M., HOW TO IMPRESS WORMS WITH JUGGLING.
[LAUGHTER] NEXT UP, A LUMP OF BROWN FUR ARE
FOUND DEEP IN THE YUKON TERRITORY HAS BEEN
IDENTIFIED AS A 30,000 YEAR OLD SQUIRREL.
WOW, THAT'S QUITE A TURN FOR SCRAT.
BUT I AM EXCITED FOR THE NEW "ICE AGE 8, I THOUGHT THERE
WOULD BE MORE DIGNITY IN DEATH." UNTIL NEXT TIME THIS HAS BEEN...
♪ THE SOUND OF SCIENCE ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH NICOLAS CAGE!