Oh, Apple. You and your deep aversion to promoting your products as gaming platforms.
But, whether you like it or not, video games are a part of your history.
And throughout that history, Apple has released quite a few games for their products.
From the original Macintosh, to the Apple II series, to even the latest Mac...
Gamers have more or less grown up with some of the games that you ported to some of their products.
And even though the Mac still isn't that much of a gaming device...
Especially when compared to Windows...
There is one Apple product that could very much turn that whole thing around.
The iOS platform is becoming something of a plucky competitor in the portable gaming market.
With games like Angry Birds, Temple Run and Fruit Ninja being bestsellers on the App Store...
This could very well be the turning point in Apple's history.
But who cares about Angry Birds?
The game I'm going to be talking about is much more complicated than that drivel.
It's called Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery. And I must say, it is one of the best games I have ever played.
And I'll tell you why.
Okay. First and foremost, Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery is a game that was originally developed for iOS. Specifically, the iPad.
But, let's be honest.
How many of you actually own an iPad?
Besides my cousins.
Well, I'm sure at least a majority of you own an iPhone.
And if so, you're in luck.
Because Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery has been ported to the iPhone as well.
If you don't have either an iPhone or an iPad, no need to fret.
Because Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery has also been released on Mac and Windows through Steam.
Oh, and also Linux.
Unfortuantely, despite being the proud owner of the latest MacBook...
Which, tragically, is almost filled to the brim with stuff that I don't use...
I have not played the Mac version or even the Windows version of Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery.
However, I do have an iPhone on which I can play it.
And it works like a dream.
Anyway, Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery is the story...
Or, maybe meta-story...
Of a nameless warrior known only as the Scythian.
Oh, and as a historical side note, yes, the Scythians were an actual race of nomadic people living in parts of Eastern Europe and Central Asia in ancient times.
Some historians believe that it was the Scythians that begat the legends of the Amazons.
So now you have someone else to thank for Wonder Woman.
Anyway, back to the game.
The reason I refer to it as a meta-story, meaning a story within a story...
Is that there is a cigar-chomping sophisto gentleman asking you...
That's right, you, the player...
To post some of your gaming progress to Twitter.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery is also unique in that it's not really put together like a game, per se, but more like a stage play.
For example, after you complete a super important task, like defeating a boss, or saving someone...
The cigar-chomping sophisto will tell you to take a break.
Then, in the words of Roger Waters...
"Bring down the curtain, the show must close before the cold wind blows."
In other words...
It might go something like this...
Only slightly less weird. But only slightly.
So, about the gameplay.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery is, at it's very core, a point-and-click adventure game.
And I must say, the decision of developing it for iOS was a very good move on the game makers' part.
Of course I've played many a point-and-click game.
In fact, point-and-click adventures are pretty much the only games that I play on personal computers.
But this is completely different.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery really was tailor made for iOS.
When you want to go somewhere, you just tap the screen on your iPhone or iPad.
Kinda like a Nintendo DS.
If you want to talk to someone, you just tap on them.
But unlike conventional adventure games where you have a set of questions you can ask the friendly locals...
Here, you don't ask any questions.
Or listen to anyone.
Instead, you get to read the peoples' responses as they are interpreted by the Scythian.
And her thoughts read like that of a valley girl.
Valley girl she's a valley girl. Valley girl she's a valley girl.
There is also no action screen and no inventory screen.
Well, actually there is, but you can only hold two items, and only two.
The first item you can hold are mushrooms which you can pick up to replenish your health, up to three...
And the second is a mystical book called the Megatome.
To read the Megatome, you tilt your iPhone or iPad 90° to the left, as if you were reading a Kindle book.
That is, if your Kindle book was some kind of magical thing that could tell you what people are thinking.
Also, watch out for these Grim Reaper-looking dudes. Sometimes they appear out of nowhere.
And to fight them, you do the same thing to your iPhone or iPad as if you were reading the Megatome: rotate it 90° to the left...
And then you have to tap the right icon at the right time, Heavy Rain-style, if you want to hit them.
Three hits, and they're down.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery has also won nigh-unanimous acclaim for, among other things, it's graphics and it's music.
We'll talk about the music first.
It's mostly a lot of minimalist, bubbly synth licks.
And you know what? I totally would not have it any other way. I seriously cannot get enough bubbly synth music.
Especially when it sounds this awesome.
If I really had to compare the score to Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery to another piece of music, I'd have to go with...
The more ambient sounds of Pink Floyd...
The non-western movie sounds from Westworld...
Or maybe, just maybe, the soundtrack to The Social Network.
But that's still stretching it mighty far.
But regardless, the music in Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery is some of the best I have heard in a contemporary video game ever.
It was even good enough to inspire a few Japanese composers to produce a remix album of some of the songs from the game.
Now let's talk about the graphics.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery has some of the best retro-style pixel graphics I have ever seen.
I just love it when game developers take chances not only with the way they produce their games, but with the way they make their games look.
And I know that retro-style pixel graphics are seemingly all the rage these days, and that's perfectly fine.
It's getting kind of old, but it's still fine.
But in the case of Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery, the developers took the 8-bit pixel art aesthetic, and did something new and exciting with it.
I mean, I don't mean to sound like a total jerk...
But take a look at a contemporary game that uses retro-style pixely graphics...
Uh, like, uh...
I don't know...
Abobo's Big Adventure.
No, that's not fair.
I don't think you can compare or contrast the pixel art graphics of Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery to any contemporary game of it's ilk.
They're just too darn different. They stand out in a league of their own.
And they're darn gorgeous to boot.
THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL.
THEY'RE BLOODY BEAUTIFUL.
THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL, I DARESAY THEY LOOK LIKE A PIXELY VERSION OF A WERNER HERZOG ESTABLISHING SHOT.
Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery was released on the iPad in March of 2011, the following month on the iPhone, a year later in April on Windows, the following month on Mac and Linux, and finally on Android in November.
That's a lot of ports.
As I have said, I have not played the personal computer versions, but I highly recommend the iPhone or iPad version anyway.
So if you have an iPhone or iPad and are sick and tired of playing Angry Birds or Temple Run...
Drop whatever you're doing right now, and download Superbrothers: Sword & Sworcery.
You won't be sorry.
This is spacezoomer crossing his fingers for Austin Grossman's latest novel You to not suck.
Adios.
It does suck.