- So if there's a guy in your life
that you're developing feelings for,
you're attracted to this person, you like them,
the two of you vibe, you have chemistry,
but maybe he's a bit on the shyer side
or maybe he hasn't made a move
and the two of you are vibing
and the thought has crossed your mind,
wow, I would really like to be in a relationship
with this guy.
And you don't want move too fast.
You don't wanna scare him away,
but you want to find out is there potential here?
Is there the possibility of the two of you being together?
What can you do?
This question was asked recently
by a client of mine in the Manifesto Man program.
She's got this guy that she likes, coworker of hers,
he's giving her indicators of interest.
He's going by where she works,
starting conversations, asking about her weekend,
bringing her coffee when he gets coffee.
And so she's thinking, wow, I really like this guy.
Maybe this could develop into something.
If you're in that situation, know this.
You've got to move the energy.
If you really want to find out if this guy likes you.
I've literally seen women come into the program
who have spent months and even years in limbo
with somebody that they have a relationship with as a friend
wanting something deeper but not really knowing
'cause they're too afraid to actually find out.
And so I'm gonna give you a full proof method
for determining is he interested in you?
Guaranteed, this works.
You have to A-S-K, you have to ask,
you have to actually be bold enough,
be brave enough to move the energy
and ask this individual, what do you think?
And now I'm gonna give you two real strategic ways
to do that that you're gonna feel empowered by.
But the bottom line is you've gotta ask,
you've gotta move the energy.
And I know it's scary and I know it's terrifying,
and I know you're worried like,
oh, maybe that will sabotage the friendship that we have.
But know this,
these two strategies that I'm gonna give you right now,
keep the friendship intact if the romantic relationship
isn't on the table from their point of view.
On the other hand, if it is on the table,
if there is a possibility for romance,
it will ignite that romance.
And the two of you'll be in the next stage
of your relationship together.
The first step is you want to keep in mind
that the majority of time,
if you've been interacting
with someone over a period of months
and they haven't taken initiative to ask you out
or share that they like you,
the chances are that they either
A, really just want to stay friends,
or B, are flirting with you, but don't want to commitment.
And they're just kind of playing.
And so they're giving you that vibe and energy,
but they don't want a commitment.
It's a high possibility
that this guy doesn't want to move forward romantically.
Now there's the occasional situation
where the guy is just so darn shy,
or maybe you're in a situation
where you're at church together or you're at work together,
or you're taking a class from him
and there's this sort of professional boundary
that he doesn't feel like he can be the first one to cross.
And so really, he needs you to cross that boundary
before he has permission to say, "Yeah, let's go out."
So in those scenarios,
here's a couple things that you can do.
There's sort of two levels of asking if he's interested.
The first level I call the yellow light.
You think about like red, yellow, green, right?
Red light is stop, you're not interested.
Yellow light is you are interested,
you wanna find out if he is,
but you're gonna do it indirectly.
You're gonna flirt with him.
You're gonna ask him a question
or make a statement that is playful in nature,
but gives him the indicator
that you're interested in him if he wants to ask you out.
And there's a couple of easy ways to do that.
The first statement,
and just note, you do not want to do this over text.
You want to do this in person,
or if the two of you are on the phone,
you can do this on the phone or on Zoom or on Skype
or something like that if you guys are FaceTiming,
but definitely not over text.
But here's what you say, you guys are having fun.
You guys are kind of having a great conversation
and you're laughing,
and then you pause and you say,
"It's a good thing we're just friends
because I don't think you could handle me
if we were dating."
And he'll laugh and he'll kind of banter back
and that plants a seed in his mind.
Oh, like she's kind of being flirty with me right now,
like she's interested in this right now.
And just replace friends with whatever situation you're in.
You could say, "It's a good thing we're coworkers
because I don't think you could handle me
if we were dating."
That is such a great line.
He would be like, oh, and then he, that's a challenge.
And so men love challenges as playfulness, as response.
If he was like, well, I don't think you could handle me.
And then that takes the conversation down that direction.
The second thing that you can say is, "Since we are friends,
you are not allowed to wear that cologne
because it smells too good
and I just might get myself in trouble."
So this is what's called the false barrier.
You're saying, because we're friends,
we can't do this other thing
and replace cologne with the hat that he's wearing,
the jacket that he's wearing, the shirt that he's wearing,
hey, because we're friends,
you're not allowed to wear that shirt anymore
'cause it looks really good on you
and I don't wanna get myself in trouble.
That is super flirty, super fun,
and is gonna open the conversation.
Now if you say those statements
and he doesn't progress that relationship
and ask you out in that conversation
or subsequent conversations,
then you want to progress from a yellow light being indirect
to a green light.
And that is where you are super direct.
And so let's say you're a coworker with this person,
you guys are having a conversation,
and so the green light conversation is this where you say,
"Hey, can I ask you something kind of something vulnerable?"
And he'll say, "Sure, what's up?"
So that's the shot across the bow prepares him
and you say, "I've kind of noticed something interesting.
I really vibe our friendship
and I really love our connection.
And recently I've been noticing that there's a part of me
that loves our friendship and doesn't wanna risk that.
And there's another part of me that's starting
to feel some romantic attraction,
and I'm just wanting your advice on
which part I should listen to."
That's so good for so many reasons.
Number one, it's bold, it's brave, it demands respect.
Like wow, you're being vulnerable.
But number two is it maintains your friendship.
It's also empowering him to be the one
to make the call in that moment.
Should you listen to the chemistry
or should you just stay with the friendship?
And what's great is if he chooses friendship,
then what you can say is you can say,
"Oh great, I'm totally good with that.
Now I can redirect this energy towards someone else
and let's just focus on our friendship."
And that way it maintains your friendship.
On the other hand, if he says,
"Actually, I think we should focus on on the chemistry.
I'm kind of feeling that way too."
It opens things up and the two
of you can explore your romantic relationship together.
I know it takes guts to do that,
but think about what it costs you if you don't months,
if not years waiting in limbo,
not knowing if this person is your person
and if he's not your person, your other person,
the person you're meant to be with,
not being able to find you.
My challenge to you is try one of these out.
Try one of these out, move the energy.
Find out because the faster you move that energy,
the faster you call in the love of your life.
My question for you is,
what have you used as a strategy
when you really like somebody
and it's just the friend zone
to actually find out if they're interested in you as well?
What strategies have you used?
Go ahead and post those in the comment section below.
I appreciate you. Here's to your amazing love life.
Thanks for watching. I'll see you soon.
(upbeat music)