it's time to cross over to Alan Partridge. Good luck everybody. Hopefully see you on
the other side. Yeah, I know, I know that, but they... But they say "reasonable expenses",
those are the words. And they might say, "Hang on, Alan, I think you're mugging us off here."
I say, "Really? I regard that as reasonable expenses." What are they going to say? Apologies,
we're clearly having some technical difficulties there, we'll try to get back over to Alan
shortly. Alan? So I claim £430 first class return peak travel ticket, get a mate to give
us a lift, 30 quid to him, new pair of shoes, 400 to me. As if I'm going to catch the train.
You know? Could you send us a receipt for the train? Yeah... Clearly Alan is still having
a few technical issues but he'll be back after the news to take fundraising to another level.
Time for something very special. Earlier we had a few technical difficulties but fingers
crossed he can hear us now and he is aware he is on the television. We give you north
Norfolk's finest fundraiser, Alan Partridge. Make sure you pay up. That's exactly the kind
of mischief, officially sanctioned mischief we are getting up to today, getting a grandma
to dress up as Elvis, or me saying I'm Alan Partridge backwards. I am Alan Partridge but
I'm not backwards! I begged to differ! I'm just saying I don't have special needs. Half
of everything you raise goes to Comic Relief. It does indeed and the other half goes to
a similar local charity. Co-founded by me. Called Laugh Help. The conservation of roundabouts
with flowerbeds on. Remember the Laugh Help A pledge, none of our money goes abroad. There
we are. Some pledges, Pamela pledged £50 if you wore clown shoes for the whole day.
So when are you going to put them on? I do though, somehow. There was £74 pledged by
the kids of Saint David's School in Stafford if you would drink a raw egg but as you have
said. I don't drink raw eggs any more. You don't drink eggs any more. I just don't. We
have had an interesting one from the manager of Richer Sounds in Norwich. I know him. £5,000
if you can organise an impromptu conga. Let's do it! I would like to form a conger if you
could all get in line. Not side by side. That's like a Jewish wedding. Cancan at a Jewish
wedding. Stand in line and gently clasp the hips of the person in front of you. What are
you doing, you dirty get! Everyone coming together like David Cameron's Big Society.
I don't know if you remember it about eight years ago... I think we'd better hand back
to the studio. We are not handing back. We are not going to hand back. Just... Just,
it's all right. Where is everyone? There is a shop here that we could try. Do you mind
if we film for Comic Relief? They do mind. You! You! You! Is that a pepper spray? Hey,
what are you doing? You could have been an attacker. You didn't bother to ask. You are
quite threatening. I tapped you on the shoulder. Was that threatening? Come on, this whole
gender thing has been going on for two years, people have been pussyfooting around it, let's
have this conversation right here right now. Started in the corridors of the BBC and they
can rip up the carpet and it might as well be wall-to-wall egg shells. Stick your head
above the parapet and you are likely to be hit by an arrow or a stick that chooses to
identify as an arrow. Sorry I took your pepper spray, which is made from real peppers. I'm
sorry, I don't know why I did that. I'm sorry, mate! Where was I? Conger! Let's go! I forgot
they closed it down, a dog choked to death on some condoms, I think he thought they were
bacon rashers. It's a pity because it would have been a good short cut. I think there
is a youth club around here. No, it is a scout hut. Alan Partridge, scout patrol leader,
68-70, north Norfolk. Can we talk to some of the Scouts, we need to do a conga for Richer
Sounds. We are only filming from the waist down. That's even worse! Please, I beg of
you. I will have to ask somebody. Hi, Val. What's wrong with your eyes? I ran into some
bins and... Pepper spray. Great, Scouts, how many have we got? Six, seven, eight, we've
got enough! We have 15 congees, we now have a conga quorum. Lift your knees! We have 15
congees. Where are they? Why have they gone? I knew this would happen. They probably conged
off to chicken cottage. Maybe Richer Sounds will still give us the money. They have said
they won't. Back to whoever is doing it this year. I hate Comic Relief.