( imitating Yoda ) Do or do not, there is no try.
( imitating Yoda ) Talk about that, let's.
( theme music playing )
Good mythical morning.
It is an especially good mythical morning
because "The Last Jedi" comes out today!
I'm dorking out, y'all.
Yes, and as much as we would like some of that
sweet "Star Wars" kick back money,
- we are not being paid for this show by Disney. - No. No.
- We're just dorking out. - Super big fans, uh,
Link's more of a fan than I am,
but I am a fan enough to where a "Star Wars" themed cardigan.
And I-- and I-- hey, listen, I don't wear cardigans.
So I'm making quite an exceptions.
- I know, you're becoming more like me in every way. - Yeah.
You're gonna name your other kid, uh, Jabba?
Uh, potentially.
You got another kid coming?
- Yeah. - Oh. Breaking news!
This is-- no, we don't. Hopefully.
Hopefully we don't.
Since we know you're probably watching this on your phone
while shivering on the sidewalk outside of your local movie theatre,
we thought we'd warm your dork pants
with some special "Star Wars"-related segments.
We have constructed the largest Lego set ever,
the Millennium Falcon, and today we're gonna see if it can fly.
- Oh. - We are also gonna be highlighting
some of the weirdest "Star Wars" products
this side of the forest moon of Endor.
- Mm-hmm. - But first, it's time for...
Okay, if you're looking for some dishes to serve to your padawans
at your next "Star Wars" get together,
we had good mythical chef Tess whip up snacks
that we think are R2-Delish.
- Woo-woo! - ( laughter )
And Link, since you're such a fanboy,
you're going to explain the lore behind each dish.
First off, the ubiquitous blue milk
is the beverage that can be spotted
in many different "Star Wars" adventures.
It comes from the memory gland of a female bantha
- Of course. - and is readily available on the outer rim planets.
And right here.
Uh, mythical chef test, bring it on out.
- Or should I say, Rey? - ( laughter )
- Thank you so much... - I don't know-- oh.
- ...for addressing me... - Wow.
You look great, Tess-- Rey.
And this looks great too, look at that.
Now, since we couldn't get a hold of a bantha.
'Cause you gotta get a hold of it in the right place to get the milk.
Right, yeah.
- Uh, - It kept moving.
And you gotta be careful.
So, we wanted to get yak milk,
'cause we thought that a yak looked the most like a bantha,
but we couldn't get a yak,
- but we did find camel milk. - Uh-huh.
Our milk man isn't as good as our meat man.
I mean that's just the situation
that we find ourselves in at this point.
But camel milk is this color
- if you didn't know. - Yeah.
- No, uh-- - If you squeeze the second hump.
If you-- ( chuckles ) Blue food coloring has been added.
- Dink it. - ( glasses clink )
And drink it.
Oh, gosh. ( smacks lips )
It's-- ooh.
- It does taste like a desert dwelling animal... - ( Link coughing )
...that's dehydrated.
It's very proteiny tasting.
It's not bad, but it's hard to enjoy.
It's hard-- it's not bad and it's hard to enjoy.
Don't tell your mom that for the Christmas dinner.
- Well, it's not bad but it's hard to enjoy. - Something right here--
something right here in my sinuses, uh.
Next up, in "The Force Awakens,"
Rey trades her scrap for portion bread
the instant kind of protein bun
for people who live on an uninhabited desert planet,
uh, and aren't gluten intolerant.
- Look at that. - It's not pretty,
but it's portion bread, it's not supposed to be pretty.
- Right, it's supposed to be-- - It's supposed to just get the job done.
It's supposed to keep you alive
when you know, all you're doing
is looking for scraps all day.
Now, in order to-- oh, look at that.
In order to kind of recreate the, uh,
the texture and the color,
Tess, you used matcha and charcoal, right?
Tess:
Maybe it'll make camel milk taste better.
- No. - Not at all.
What-- I'll take more of this
to make the camel milk go away.
This is pretty good, Tess.
You could hit it with a blaster
and instantly make a bread bowl.
Look at the goo, I love the goo.
Do a little food truck type situation.
"The Force Awakens," more like "The Force A-bakens"
- ( laughter ) - Oh, gosh.
- Am, I right? - ( clapping )
Tess:
And now, let's eat some Dewback.
That big ride-able lizard that was introduced
in the special editions of "A New Hope."
But in the "Star Wars" universe as a whole,
their meat is often jerked.
- And I can't believe I actually said that sentence... - Okay.
- ...in that way. - ( laughter )
- Shouldn't have-- - It's a culinary term. It's a culinary term.
All right, so, let's see what you got, Tess.
We've jerkied some meat.
But, uh, because they're a little bit reptilian in nature,
we got iguana, and it's got some jerk seasoning
but it's more that we just jerkied the iguana, right?
-
the meat man did show up with the iguana
and apparently he had a very large chunk of frozen iguana meat.
- Just all smushed together. -
- Don't know how that happened. - Ew.
But then we had to cut off the portion that we wanted.
Tess:
-
And I was like, you know, we just need two pounds.
Yeah, we don't-- we don't need a $500 block of iguana meat.
You had to hack it off with a band-saw?
- Not yet. - Tess:
The Christmas party, maybe.
Hm, so I found a choice, like, bite-size piece.
Oh, yeah, you're right.
We should try to bite it apart,
instead of just popping it.
Oh, oh. How do you know what I'm thinking?
- ( stammering ) How... - You're not gonna put that whole thing in your mouth.
I say nothing and you're like, oh, you're right.
- ( laughter ) - I wish things worked like that more often.
I could just look at you and be, like, "Oh, you're right."
Could we just do that every hour on the hour?
Set an alarm for yourself.
- You are. - "Oh, you're right."
No, you weren't planning on putting the whole thing in your mouth
No, I was gonna, I was gonna portion it.
We for once, were finally right.
Yeah.
Oh, gosh.
( laughter )
- Oh. - What?
Is that a tooth?
In the meat or from your mouth?
- Oh, my-- - That's not bad, Tess.
I can't-- I gotta find another piece 'cause I can't--
- Rhett: Uh... - Tess:
That's a whole tail.
Tess:
( laughs )
It's unchewable, it's so jerky.
Um-- oh, I don't mind this at all.
I really don't.
I can't find a way to make it digestible.
- Camel milk. - No.
Not going back there.
This is a winner for me.
I'm not gonna eat it all now.
I'm gonna save it for later.
Yeah, right.
All right, this next one is eaten by Jabba the Hutt.
( squealing )
( groaning )
And if it's good enough for the Jabba the Hutt,
it's good enough for us, right?
Yes, it is.
Uh, Tess, bring it in.
Oh, my goodness.
I saw it out of the corner of my eye earlier.
Now, listen, you're gonna have to take a seat
and just explain this one to us.
This is Klatooine paddy frog.
I mean, it looks like you just got one.
Did you just find one in the LA river?
- Is that what happened? - ( laughs )
No, well, so-- the bottom is, uh,
a little half frog.
And the top is made from lobster shell and fondant.
That's a lobster shell?
Yeah, underneath.
And then, these eyeballs.
Those I made, uh, with a little bit of paint and fondant.
And then these are earth worms.
Kind of stuck in.
Link: Oh, my gosh. Earth worms?
It's pretty gnarly.
- So you took the frog legs. - And the frog body.
The whole frog bottom in the back.
- On the whole-- - That's a real frog.
- That's a real frog. - And then real lobster.
But is there lobster meat in there somewhere?
Nope, nope. Just the shell of the carcass.
- Yeah, no need to make it appetizing. - ( laughs ) Sorry.
What-- what happened right here?
What is that?
Well, he had a boo boo on his knee
so I used an earthworm as a tourniquet.
( laughter )
So-- 'cause I felt bad for him.
And you spray painted it?
- Let's bring this in. - A posthumulous empathy.
Set him down. Just-- You know--
I think you have to take him off his perch, right?
- Yeah. - How are we gonna get at this?
- Ooh, gross. - ( laughter )
I mean, uh, Jabba just grabbed out of a thing and then--
Just kind of put him over the rim of his bottom lip.
( imitating Jabba the Hutt )
- ( laughter ) - He kind of needs to be--
How do we even go about eating this?
- I mean, uh-- - ( giggles )
I mean, he just threw it in.
Looking at you, mythical beasts.
Tess: There is a little piece of wood there
so, I mean, you can eat from this side or that side,
or you can pull it out, but--
It's so heavy.
- ( laughs ) I know. - Oh, it's solid.
- And he ate it live. - I'm gonna jiggle it a little bit,
just to give it a sense of life.
- How about this, Tess, you jiggle it. - Okay.
- And we'll each grab a leg. - Yeah, there you go.
Uh, and see what kind of damage can be done here.
Ooh, wow, it is heavy.
I think we're gonna have to bite this in multiple places.
Yeah, let's start with the legs.
Just grab a leg on your side, Link.
- ( squealing like paddy frog) - ( laughter )
- Uh. - ( squealing continues )
- Oh, gosh, - ( Link retching )
- ( laughs ) - There's so much paint on him.
I'm sorry, I airbrushed his colors.
It's edible paint, don't worry-- don't worry--
you don't worry about us.
- Okay. - Okay.
- That was a great bite. - All I got frog skin.
- Of course, he's-- he's-- - The frog's skinned.?
- he's still alive. - Mm-hmm.
- Uh. - It's really gross.
- He's still alive, Tess. - ( imitates paddy frog )
- Oh, gosh. - Okay, I just ate the frog's skin,
which is just from the leg.
- ( squealing ) - Now, let's grab a tentacle.
Yeah, oh, that's, oh--
- Yeah. - ( laughter )
- It's so cold. - Mm-hmm.
- He's still alive, Tess. - He's clammy.
( Tess imitates paddy frog )
- ( laughs ) - Tess: ( imitates paddy frog ) No, Rhett, no.
- Oh, now-- - He knows your name.
- Now he's speaking. - ( continues imitation ) Rhett, what's wrong with you?
My cousins will come after you.
- Oh. - ( squeals )
- Oh! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, that's-- - It's very-- it's very gritty in there.
Camel milk.
Is it full of earth?
Is that why they call it an earthworm?
- ( sighs ) - I just swallowed it like a pill.
( grunts )
I'm still chewing it and I can hear the crunchy grains.
Mm, mm. Should I just--
don't wanna-- I mean, can I just rip it open?
Yeah, totally.
You need to-- Oh, my God.
Rhett: ( screams )
( all screaming )
No, Tess!
( screaming )
You're...
( screaming continues )
- Uh, he's so broken. - What is that?
- Is that putty? - ( Rhett screaming )
Yeah, it's...
Ah, that part's pretty good actually.
( laughing ) It's sugar gum, that's why.
- Yeah, I like, the inside's good. - Oh, yeah.
( laughs )
Jabba know what's up once you get inside
one of these things.
Rhett: Mm. Oh, there's the lobster.
There it is.
Well, okay. Well, you know, I would--
later I'll just throw the whole thing in my mouth.
I don't want to intimidate anybody at the current moment.
I might bite a quick eyeball.
You gotta at least finish him off or something, I mean--
Rhett: Oh, you don't have to shake him.
I-- I think he's dead, Link.
- Ew. - Um, I gotta say that, um, the inside
of this frog was the best tasting thing I've had in a long time.
- Thanks, guys. - Yeah, once you get to the center of
a paddy frog, now you're happy. Heh.
- ( sighs ) - That makes it my favorite dish.
- Really validating for me. - ( laughs )
- All the way around. - Amazing job.
- Thank you so much for that. - Thank you, thank you.
Very welcome, very welcome.
All right, click through to watch us build
and potentially destroy one of the largest--
the largest Lego set ever built,
the Millennium Falcon.
Link:
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