on this day 10 years ago, a mass
shooting forever changed the
small town of Newtown,
Connecticut.
Twenty students and six
educators were killed at sandy
hook elementary school.
It was one of the worst mass
shootings in U.S. History.
William brangham spoke with one
of the parents who lost a child
that day.
William: Just steps away from
the rebuilt sandy hook
elementary school sits a new
memorial site and etched into
the ring of granite, are twenty
six names of those massacred
that day.
One of them is Dylan Hockley, a
six year old first grader.
In the decade since his murder,
his mother, Nicole Hockley,
along with other sandy hook
families, have channeled their
grief into action.
Hockley co-founded the
organization sandy hook promise.
It's a nonprofit that works to
prevent further tragedies by
helping students identify and
report the warning signs of
someone who is planning
violence.
I spoke with Hockley yesterday,
just ahead of this anniversary.
Ten years ago, what was probably
the worst day of your entire
life happens, and your whole
family has to deal with that
blow and suffer through that
trauma and that grief.
But now here we are, almost ten
years later.
How does that grief sit with you
today?
Is it ever-present?
Does it wax and wane?
What is that like for you,
today?
>> The grief is absolutely ever
present.
And I think about Dylan every
single day, but it's kind of
like a scab has formed over my
heart.
And at times if a certain memory
comes up or a certain smell or
another tragedy occurs, it's
like that scab is ripped off and
my heart is broken and bleeding
all over again.
And as time goes by, the amount
of time that scab stays on is
longer.
But it's still ever present.
And part of my daily life.
William: So that wound hasn't
healed in any way that we would
recognize as fully healed?
>> No.
And I don't expect it to ever
fully heal.
You know, I'm a mom whose son
was murdered in his first grade
classroom.
That's not something that you
move on from.
It's just something that you
live with every day and find a
way to keep moving forward.
William: Tragedies like this
occur, I mean obviously the
person is taken away from you,
but that person is thin also
frozen in time.
Dylan will always be a six year
old boy, and yet time marches
on, you get older, your son Jake
gets older, but yet Dylan is
always just that little boy.
>> Well, I can only really speak
for me in my experience.
Even my surviving son is forging
a different path in this process
and he thinks differently.
But time is pretty warped,
really.
Like I can't really reconcile
the fact that it's been 10 years
since I held Dylan, since I
heard him laugh, since I took
him to school.
And yet Jake, my surviving son,
is now 18.
He was at school that day, he
was in third grade.
He is now a freshman in college.
He's taller than me.
And and I also see, you know,
other kids that, you know, Dylan
is forever six.
And I see other kids in his
grade who are now 16, who are
now, you know, in high school
and starting to think about
college.
And they're taller than me and
they're mature.
And yet Dylan is forever my six
year old boy.
He is frozen in time.
And that life is very much
frozen in time as well.
William: We are approaching this
anniversary, this ten year event
where the rest of the country
again tries, in its own way, to
commemorate and remember what
happened.
I know there is that
conversation that is always
going on in your community, in
Newtown, as to how much this
event resonates, how it, I don't
know, defines or redefines your
community.
When you are out in the town,
how does that feel?
Do you feel like it is also an
ever present part of that
community?
>> For some people it is an ever
present part.
Newtown is not defined by the
tragedy, but you can't go out in
the rest of the country and say
you are from there without
someone making a remark in
morning to share their
experience.
White often you will hear them
talk about, I remember where I
was when I heard the news.
It has become a moment in our
American history and for many of
our residents, it is ever
present.
However, the people I talked to
in that I note want to also be
remembered as the place that
created change.
William: Your organization runs
trainings to try to train people
to help identify who out there
might be troubled and to teach
people how to intervene.
Can you tell us a little more
about that work?
>> Sure, it is absolutely
critical to recognize warning
signs when someone might be
going into crisis and is at risk
of hurting themselves or hurting
someone else, and then take
action to intervene.
The reason we focus our programs
in school is because a lot of
these at risk behaviors,
especially that manifest in the
teenage years and the early
20's, a lot of this is on social
media, and kids are able to see
and hear things that the adults
ae not able to.
They are communicating on
different channels from adults.
That's why we teach kids, how do
you recognize when your friend
needs help?
How do you recognize a subtle or
an overt threat on social media?
How do you take action to get
that information to a trusted
adult so that intervention can
be made?
William: Mask about Jake, your
other son who survived that
terrible shooting that day.
He has grown up in a world where
not only did he have two deal
with the loss of a brother, but
he also sees on the news, the
news about mass shootings
constantly.
I wonder, what is your sense of
what that does to him, how he
sees the world, how he is
processing all of that?
>> It's interesting, Jake is
kind of a silent processor.
They say still waters run deep,
and that is very much the case
with Jake.
He is so aware and still has
huge empathy and compassion, yet
he has decided not to use his
voice yet.
He still wants to define himself
and his own path.
Town of Newtown, Connecticut.
It is hard to know sometimes
what is typical teenage boy and
what is grief.
So we talk about that a lot.
I'm so proud of the young man
that he is and the person that
he continues to become.
I don't know, I think sometimes
he has seen the worst that the
world can give you, and he has
experienced and lived that.
And he has also seen that you
can survive that and create your
own destiny.
William: We are talking with you
before the anniversary, this 10
year anniversary.
I know that on the day you come
as you say, go silent.
I wonder, can you just share a
little bit about what it is you
do on the actual anniversary?
>> I will wake up as I always do
and kiss Dylan's turn -- urn and
tell him that I love him and
miss him.
I go to his playground and have
some quiet time there.
Usually leave behind some sort
of momento at the playground,
once I brought one of his
stuffed animals and left it on a
bench for some other child.
It's just one of my rituals.
Then I usually just go to the
beach and will walk the shores
for several hours, because it's
a way for me to ground myself
and be in nature.
It helps me from from my grief,
overwhelming me to be nearer to
nature and know that there's
something significantly larger
than me and my grief.
William: Sounds like a beautiful
way to remember, and to keep
living.
Nicole Hockley, so good to talk
to you.
Thank you so much for talking
with us.
>> Thank you for the
opportunity.