(upbeat music)
- Hi, I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom
welcome to my couch.
Pour yourself a glass of wine and let's talk.
We did a video awhile back where you guys could
text me, and a lot of you were texting ideas for
future videos.
So a text that kept coming through
is actually tonight's topic.
Things That I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Had Kids.
Mmmmmmmm.
So for me, the number one thing that I wish someone had
told me about becoming a mother was how
it would impact me psychologically.
Like when you think about having kids, you think,
oh my gosh, I'm gonna be tired.
It's gonna be a lot of responsibility.
It's gonna be a financial responsibility.
But you don't think about what it's going to do
to you psychologically.
I don't know what it is about becoming a mother
that made me feel like everything all of a sudden
needs to be perfect.
And all of a sudden I need to be perfect.
And I hold myself to these crazy standards
as a mother, because I feel like I have two children
who look to me on what to do, and rely on me
and everything I do has to be perfect.
I am a working mom.
I work full-time.
It's really tough.
I wake up at 6:30 in the morning
I try to get myself ready while I get the kids ready.
Try to get them to daycare on time.
Try to get to work on time.
Work all day, try not to check my phone too much
to like deal with all the other kid stuff.
Try to get home in time to pick them up.
Make dinner, put them to bed,
pass out on the couch, repeat.
I feel guilty because as a working parent
I have two huge responsibilities
I have my children
and I have my job.
A lot of the time my job takes away from
time that I could spend with my children.
And then on the weekends, I sometimes I just need
to spend some time staring at the wall
and they'll watch cartoons for a couple hours
and that even makes me feel like crap.
And I think social media is a huge problem when it comes
to setting unrealistic expectations for moms.
Because, we're supposed to post everything positive
and everything good.
And the second someone posts something bad, or unhappy
it's like I don't want to see that.
For example, if you look at my Instagram
you take this one, for example
it's me, my boys are both smiling.
And we're out in nature, we look super happy.
What you don't see is my husband
complaining every five seconds about having to
take a picture.
It's 20 degrees outside, so we're all freezing
but we had cute shirts on so I made my kids
take their jackets off.
And, you don't see the 8,000 outtakes of both of them
frowning and crying and me about to start crying, as well.
And of course, we all know that social media is just
the highlight reel of people's lives.
But for me, as a mother, with so much responsibility
and these high standards of perfection, it's really
detrimental on my self-esteem to be seeing
all these other moms just looking so happy,
so well rested, so pleased with everything.
And just, like they have everything together
when I feel like half the time I'm falling apart.
Seeing all this stuff is just like
a constant reminder of my
shortcomings.
And, it makes me feel like crap.
But
the way that I have started to think about it
and what I've started to realize is
it's fine to be just okay, I always tell people
I'm the world's okayest mom.
And I'm so happy with that.
I mean, you meet my kids, they're well adjusted kids.
They are clothed, they are fed, they are loved,
they are happy.
And maybe they ate a box of mac and cheese last night
but that's not gonna kill them,
and at least they ate.
And, maybe
they sit on the couch and watch cartoons
for a few hours, but
I made sure that they're distracted
while I freaking like decompress and lose it
as a human so that they don't have to
feel the brunt of that.
And they don't have to feel that energy coming from me.
And,
maybe I don't volunteer for everything in their school
and I'm not there to pick them up everyday but
(exhales).
And maybe I don't volunteer for their school
and I'm not there to pick them up everyday
but that's because I'm working so that
we have insurance and
they can see their doctor and
they can have all their soccer lessons
and dance classes and all the stuff that they want to do.
And college funds and
I'm doing this all for their future.
That's not a bad mom, I'm not the world's
perfect mom
because I'll never be the world's perfect mom.
But I'm okay.
So I don't know why moms are so hard on themselves.
When really even if we're doing an okay job, that's fine.
If you are about to have children
that is my one piece of advice to you.
And if you already have children, let yourself off
the hook a little bit
and do what you need to do
to make sure that you are happy.
Whether it's meditating, or
planting your kids in front of the TV
and sitting on the bathroom floor eating cheesecake.
Or having a glass of wine, or whatever you need to do
to practice self care
make sure that that's a priority too.
As long as you are invested, and you are committed,
and you are there for your children
we can fuck up a little bit and it's fine.
Parents don't have to be perfect.
Also, I wish someone had told me that
when newborns crap, it can literally
leak from their diaper
all the way up to the back of their head
because the first time that happened
it was horrifying.
(upbeat music)
So that's all I've got for today.
I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom
and if you have any topic you want me to talk about
leave it in the comments.
And, if you too are the world's okayest parent
shout yourself out in the comments
give yourself a little pat on the back.
And in the meantime, I'm gonna finish practicing
my self care.
'Til next time.
Can this be a musical show now?
Where I'm just like
this is my wine.
Mmmmmm.