(upbeat music)
(tires squealing)
- Oh, damn it.
(heart monitor beeping)
(swanky music)
- 'Sup? - 'Sup?
- Name?
- My name?
Matt.
- Age?
- 26, I think.
- What do you mean you think?
- Last time I checked, 26.
I'm 26.
- Girth?
- Girthy.
(giggling)
- What's funny about that?
- Nothing. Have you ever swallowed toothpaste?
- Yes.
- For pleasure?
- Maybe. Maybe once.
How does that not happen to you?
Like once a month?
- I'm God.
- This is God.
Okay, what's up?
- Did you expect me to look like this?
- You're hot.
- That's just 'cause I'm old.
That's why you think that.
- Do we fuck up here, in Heaven?
- Do you think we fuck up here in Heaven?
- Yeah. All right, well cool.
God's hot.
What's Satan look like?
- You tell me.
Did you expect to make it to Heaven?
- No. Well, I didn't know it was a thing.
I guess I'm, I'm curious where I was on the spectrum
but I guess I'm not very educated on your,
your shtick.
- Which is a sin itself.
- Exactly. So-
- And calling it a shtick?
- I have sex with people.
I swear, I do drugs sometimes,
but I'm very nice to people.
- Would you say your heart is your biggest organ?
- Technically I mean, I, it-
- Even though you say
you think you know what sin is,
what would be the one act
that you committed on Earth
that you think would keep you from Heaven?
Regardless of what I think.
- I was on a camping trip.
We, we, we killed a chipmunk and ate it
when I was like 16.
- Did you do that because you were desperate?
- Everyone had equal rations and I'm a big boy.
Me and the other large boys were hungry
and we set up a trap.
And-
- What does chipmunk taste like?
- Chicken.
- What part of the chipmunk did you eat?
- Probably like the shoulder.
(crunching)
- Right before you died,
how happy were you on a scale of one to 10?
- 8.75.
- So you were pretty happy?
- I was pretty happy.
Got to like travel and meet people
and try new things. And-
- What's something you tried?
- Everything. A lot of things.
- Like?
- Scuba diving, DMT, threesome.
That's a good combo.
Not all at the same time, but yeah.
- At what age do you transition from Young Gravy
to Old Gravy?
- Well, I'm dead so-
- [God] Well yes.
- Dead Gravy. I don't know.
A lot of people crack that joke at me.
The old gravy thing.
It's like, especially like older women
that try to hit on me,
like, "So when are you gonna be Old Gravy?"
- Are you calling me an older woman?
- No, I'm just, I mean you're God.
- Yeah.
So I'm the oldest bitch in the universe.
- Yeah, you are an old bitch.
- We're gonna play a quick game of Would you Rather,
get to know you a little bit?
- Let's get it.
- Would you rather be called Matt, Matthew or Gravy?
Or Gravy Matt?
- Gravy Matt's weird.
Matt.
I like Matt.
This is, this is how you play Would you Rather up here?
Some square ass shit?
- What do you want me to ask?
- I don't know.
Usually just say some weird ass shit.
Like would you rather fight a,
like a chicken size bear times 10 or-
- Oh, I'm sorry, my questions aren't good enough for you.
- Or one bear-sized chicken.
You know?
- Addison Ray's mom or Martha Stewart?
- Martha Stewart.
- Shave your face or shave your chest?
- Chest.
- Writers block or be cock blocked?
- Cock blocked.
Can always jerk off.
- Alcohol or weed?
- It depends on how I'm feeling.
I think my whole life I was more of a weed fellow
but I kind of, it makes me anxious now.
I'll say alcohol.
- Hot tubs or bubble baths?
- Hot tubs.
- What about a hot tub?
- They're hot.
- Bubble baths can be hot.
(swanky music)
(God giggling)
So I'm actually feeling too much tension here.
Too much sexual tension.
So I'm going to send you back down to Earth.
- That's not where I thought that was going.
- Where did you think I was going?
- I thought we were going to fuck, God.
So I just get to live again?
- Yes. But you have to go back an animal.
- Octopus?
- Mm. (sucking teeth) Best I can do
is... catfish.
- No. Can I change?
Oh.
(fish squeaking)
(water splashing)