Well, everyone--
This guy was crazy about this Bieber wedding.
He's been talking about it all show.
Um, they got married in South Carolina yesterday.
Tons of their celebrity friends showed up.
I guess being a millionaire makes it easier
to go to a destination wedding on a Monday.
Um, here are some of their pictures.
They're a good-looking couple.
-There's this stuff. -Hmm.
This is their wedding swag, a bedazzled bottle of champagne,
a, uh, trucker hat and, uh,
whatever's going on with the water. Um...
Who was their wedding planner, Honey Boo Boo?
What's going on?
Looks like a hurricane relief fund.
This is a hurricane relief, uh, basket?
Yeah.
I have gold-plated Funyuns when people come over.
That's not even for events. That's just to watch football.
I'm gonna... I'm just gonna right away embrace
being the old guy on the panel and just say,
I don't know when rock...
the big rock star thing was to...
In-in my... in my day, the big rock star thing was, like,
Jim Morrison moving to Paris
to drink himself to death in a bathtub, not move
to South Carolina and just go normcore.
-You know what I mean? Like, there's no... -SPADE: Yeah.
..."I got to go coach a kid's soccer team in the suburbs."
-Yeah. -This made me feel old, too.
Because I remember, it was just yesterday
I was covering Justin Bieber's DUI arrest.
Remember he was drag-racing
-down in Florida? -Oh. That's right.
And now, he's on his second wedding...
OSWALT: They grow up like it's... Yeah.
...in a retirement community with his chiropractor there?
Why does he have his chiropractor there?
The picture of those two kissing.
It was a beautiful lesbian wedding. I loved it.
(laughter)
SPADE: They are cute.
-ROCK: Yeah. -SIVAN: They are cute.
We do care a lot about celebrity weddings,
and I, uh... I do.
But I don't like when the girls do the bachelorette party,
and they still have the wieners on the hats.
I see 'em in Vegas. I go, "Can we ever break this?"
It seems... I guess they're young, but when you get older,
it seems like they have to go through the whole rigamarole
with the thing and the bride, and they're all... (mutters)
-I'm not gonna fix this today. -OSWALT: I always, like...
I always, like... I see them all the time in Vegas.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Those bachelorette parties.
But whenever I see a group of them with the big penis hats,
you can always spot the one girl
who lost the argument as to not wearing those.
Like, you see in her face like,
"I guess we're all gonna wear..." You know?
She tried to go, "Can we maybe just not wear the penis hats?"
-"On your third wedding, can we skip the, uh...?" -Yeah.
-Yeah. -Oh, you know...
Why do bachelorettes try not to get laid
with all of the fanfare that they wear on their heads?
I know, and they're supposed to make themselves appealing.
It's the opposite of what they do at bachelor parties.
Yeah, exactly.
Oh, they gave... they gave away these shirts.
Did you see this? "The Biebers."
That looks like a bib.
-SIVAN: I mean... -OSWALT: Well, yeah.
"Hello. T-shirt Factory? Cancel your weekend.
We need 600 of these by Monday."
All right, we'll move on.
-Uh... -JOHNNY: Hey, oh, hey, Spade?
SPADE: Oh. Uh, oh, hey, it's Johnny, our sketchy P.A.
Hey, uh, just sorry to interrupt,
but there's no toilet paper in any of the bathrooms.
-In any of them? -Yeah.
No. Who do we talk to about that?
I mean, I got a bit of a situation.
Um, you.
That's your job. That's who we talk to.
JOHNNY: My job, huh?
-Okay. -Hey, wait a minute.
That's a Bieber, uh...
That's a wedding shirt. Did you go to the wedding?
Yeah. Yeah, yup, yeah, I did.
No, seriously, back to this.
Does this mean I've got, like, a... I've got this?
I have a heart condition or something?
-SPADE: No. -I've got skinny arms.
I see you on those belly fat ads on my computer.
I didn't know that was you.
Uh, listen, never mind. Oh, you...
You say, you got invited to the wedding?
No. (laughs)
I tunneled in, Shawshank style.
(laughter)
-You know, I go to a lot of weddings like that. -Oh.
Well, this is big news, Johnny.
Can you give us an exclusive report on what you saw?
Okay. Uh...
They got married, I guess?
Yeah.
And? Yes?
Oh, I, uh, and, uh...
And I got this T-shirt out of Kylie Jenner's purse.
(laughter)
You know, she doesn't carry much cash for being a billionaire.
Just this T-shirt and some big hoop earrings
that I... I sold to my wife.
(laughter)
-You steal a lot? -(Johnny laughs)
Yeah.
(laughter)
Okay. Back to you in the studio, Spade.
(applause and cheering)
You don't say, "Back to me." I say... Whatever.
All right, it's over. Bye, Johnny.