- Hello dinosaur. Hello, gun!
What are you doing? Just shooting people.
What are you doing? Just eating people.
That's cool!
- Okay my little monkey, time to get some sleep.
(Jimmy giggles)
- I'm not a monkey, Mom.
- You got a big first day back to school tomorrow.
- I don't wanna go to school! I don't like school.
- I know, but we got you this special back-to-school gift
and I know you like him very much.
- I love him Mommy-Wommy. Thank you.
- You're very welcome my little monkey.
- I'm not a monkey
- What?
- I'm not a monkey.
- Okay.
- Goodnight Mr. Puppet!
(Jimmy makes kissing sound)
- So what are you, a big fat baby or something?
- No, I'm not a big fat baby, I'm a big boy!
- Nah, you heard me you big fat baby! You know what?
Only big fat babies and Larry King go to bed this early man.
And you know what?
You don't look like Larry King to me mother (beep)
so you must be a big fat baby!
(Mr. Puppet laughs) (Jimmy wails)
- Sweetheart, who are you talking to?
- The puppet! It's alive!
He keeps calling me a big fat ugly baby.
- Aww, you're not a big fat ugly baby, sweetie.
You're my little monkey!
(Jimmy cries)
And your puppet can't talk sweetheart.
Try to get some rest before your big day.
- God damn it! Okay.
(Jimmy sighs)
- Man, who was that?
- That was my mom.
- Whoa, she's hot!
How did a woman like that make a big fat ugly baby like you?
Or, I suppose you could be adopted.
Which in that case, I would definitely recommend a refund!
- Shut up!
Why are you being so mean to me Mr. Puppet?
- Nice toys, you big fat baby! What do you like to do?
You like to eat these, huh?
(toys crash on ground)
- No! Why would you do that Mr. Puppet?
- I hate you! I hate you!
(door slams open) - What was that?
Jimmy, why are your toys on the floor?
- It's the puppet! It's ruining my god damn life!
- Jimmy, I swear to god if you don't go to sleep right now.
- I'm not a big fat baby! I'm not a big fat ugly baby!
- Jesus Christ, Jimmy.
What happened to my sweet little monkey?
(Jimmy snaps) - I'm not a monkey.
- I knew we should've put you in therapy,
we're going straight after school tomorrow.
- I don't wanna be in touch with my emotions!
(Jimmy screams into pillow)
- Jimmy, I'm taking this puppet out of your room!
I have no idea what's gotten into you!
- No! The puppet has romantic feelings for you!
(Mr. Puppet hits Jimmy's Mom)
- Oh! What the hell is happening here?
- I'm sorry! I had to do that!
- Jimmy, this puppet is talking.
- That's what I've been trying to tell you
but you never listen to me!
- [Mr. Puppet] Whoa, whoa, whoa. All right.
You guys have some serious issues worth figuring out here!
- What problems are you talking about?
I love my little monkey!
- I'm not your little monkey god damn it!
And by the way, 7:30 is way too early for bedtime.
Besides, I'm 28 years old in March.
- Jimmy, why are you so upset with me?
- Okay, listen, I'm no professional,
but within the past few minutes I've been here,
it seems like you're doing a lot of smothering
on this grown ass man.
I mean, when was the last time you let him
be on his own for a while, you know?
- It's just been so hard since his Father left us.
I just want him to be my little boy forever.
- I hear you, I really do!
But sometimes you just gotta let your little baby bird fly,
you know?
- Let me fly, Mom. Let me fly.
- And you!
When was the last time you told your sweet dear little Mommy
that you love her, huh?
- Well, at school, Gregory said
if I had told my Mom I loved her, I have to marry her
and that's fricking disgusting!
- You can't listen to what other people say, Jimmy.
I mean, you're relationship with your mother
is far more powerful than all the outside forces
trying to ruin it!
- Yeah, I hate Gregory.
- All right, listen guys!
It sounds like you both care about each other
but you're both expressing it in the worst of ways!
I mean you have to learn how to express love for one another
without hurting each other!
I know it can be difficult, but like a flower,
love doesn't grow in shadows.
The only way a flower can blossom is with sunshine,
and space, and-
soil and-
I don't know. (glass shattering)
Hey, wanna get out of here?
(funky music begins) - What?
- Well I definitely have been meaning to re watch
Ghost of Girlfriend's Past on Netflix.
- What are you doing Mommy-Wommy?
- Don't ruin this for me you big fat baby!
- Seriously Jimmy, go to bed.
(door slams)
(Jimmy sighs)
- This shit sucks.
- Seriously dude, we can't live here anymore,
we gotta move out.
- I know, we do.
(funky outro music begins)
- Goodnight. - All right, goodnight.
(kissing sound)
(Everyone laughing)