In this video, we're going to talk about how to get your ex back when they have moved on,
but first, my name is Clay with ModernLove.life where you help you get the great loving relationship
that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having to play hard
to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not because
you deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person that you are.
And if you agree with me, do me a favor by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing
to this YouTube channel if you are new here. Also, you might want to think about checking
out our email newsletter as well too. There's a link to that down in the description box
below this video. That email newsletter covers tips, advice, and strategies for helping you
to get back together with the person that you love and save that relationship. When
you sign up, you also get a nice little report that kind of takes some common beliefs, some
myths, some widely held assumptions, even superstitions if I may dare say so about getting
back together with your ex and kind of pulls them apart and tells you what has worked really
well for our clients and the people that we've worked with over the years, going back to
2009. Anyway, that is down in the description box
below, but anyway, let's get into the topic of this video, which is how to get back together
with your ex when they have moved on. First of all, it is not necessarily a bad thing
if your ex has moved on from the breakup. I know that there are a lot of people who
are really concerned about their ex moving on, that they don't want their ex to move
on, that they don't want their ex to be over the breakup, but it's actually a good thing
if they're able to emotionally move on, because it means that they're able to put the past
in the past, and they're not in damage control mode.
Or they're not in this sort of emotional meltdown that people often find themselves in after
a breakup. And instead they're able to actually have a meaningful, significant interaction
with you that's not about the past, it's not about trying to get out of some sort of pain,
but it's really about intentionally choosing to be in a relationship with someone, intentionally
choosing to get back together with someone. And that is a much more powerful and much
more effective way to create a new, long lasting relationship with your ex. Don't think that
it's a bad thing if your ex has moved on, it can actually be a very, very, very good
thing. The next thing that I want to bring up is
that when you're getting back together with your ex, if they've moved on, what you want
to make sure that you're doing is that you are focusing on connecting into here and the
now. That is to say focusing on creating interactions that are meaningful right now, meaningful
in the present moment, and things that are significant in the dynamic between the two
of you right now. Oftentimes, and again, this goes back to a lot of those superstitions
out there, but people think that they need to revive the past.
They need to send out text messages that are like, "Hey, remember the good old days back
when we did this or back when this happened or whatever." And sure that can be nice sometimes,
that can put a smile on people's faces sometimes, but if you're trying to connect with an ex
who has moved on, what you want to do is you want to focus on the connection, and the bonding
that's happening right now in the present moment, rather than trying to pull them back
into the past and say, "Remember the good old days."
I'm sure the good old days were good, but we want to create something compelling for
them to actually enjoy right now. Something compelling for them to want to actually spend
more time with us, not just reviving the past, resuscitating the past, resurrecting the past,
or any other R words that happen to mean the same thing. We want to actually create something
new, and refreshing, and revitalizing, if I can use some more R words in the present
moment. So that's what you want to do. You also want
to make sure that your relationship and your dynamic between one another feels good. Make
sure you're focused on the present moment, but you also want it to be something that
feels good now, feeling good can be a bit of a confusing concept for a lot of people.
When I say things like have a positive interaction, they think, "Oh, that means we're laughing
and having a great time and all of that." And sure that can be an example of a positive
interaction or something that does feel good. But what I really mean is something that is
emotionally enriching, something that you can have an interaction together, and you
can leave that interaction feeling as if you know them a little bit deeper, or they know
you a little bit deeper, or there's been something shared between the two of you.
And that can, again, look like happiness, laughing, joking around, flirting, all of
that stuff. It can absolutely look like that, but it can also look like crying. It can also
look like emotional confessions where you say, "Hey, remember that time that this one
thing happened? Well, what I never told you was that I did it because of this, or that
I was hoping that this would happen." Or something like that. And it can kind of like recontextualize
things and give a deeper understanding as to what your intentions were, what was going
on with you during those moments, and things like that.
So don't think that an interaction that feels good has to necessarily be about optimism
and happiness and laughing and all of that. It can, but if you're just emotionally enriching
one another and being honest and vulnerable and transparent, then that is really what
I am primarily talking about, but you do want to make sure that your interactions feel good
in that capacity. By the way, if you want to learn more about how to make interactions
feel good, we do have a playlist on the subject of what we call advanced relational skills.
You can find that playlist up there, it'll show you how to connect with your ex in a
deeper way through what we call advanced relational skills. Check that out, if you're interested,
if you're maybe new to this channel, if you don't know what advanced relational skills
are, we've talked about it in many of our previous videos, but that's a good place to
start. Next up, you want to show them that if the
two of you were to get back together, that it's not going to be just back to the same
old, same old, right? We talked about how you don't just want to recreate the good old
days, but you also want to show them that they're not walking back into the same relationship
that they walked out of in the first place. Yes, people can come back to their ex for
no other reason than because, "Hey, I thought life would be different out here and it's
not. So I'm going back to old faithful here." But that's not very inspiring. That is actually
how me and my ex got back together the first time that we broke up. That is a story for
another day, but it's not really very inspiring and that is ultimately what led to our second
breakup, which is also a story for another day.
But you need to demonstrate to your ex that they're not walking back into the same relationship
that they walked out of. So you need to say, "Okay, why did we break up initially and what
is going to be fundamentally different about it this time?" And I'm not just saying, "Yeah,
swear up and down, there's going to be different promise that things have changed, apologize
profusely." But I'm talking about demonstrating to them that things are different. So, if
there was an anger issue or something that caused the two of you to break up in the first
place, how can you demonstrate to them that anger is no longer an issue? Think about that,
okay? Also, you want to take it one step at a time. Oftentimes people can think that they
need to cram the whole journey of getting back together into one conversation, one interaction,
one text message, sometimes even. And that's, number one, a lot of pressure
for you to get it right with that one text message, that one conversation, that one phone
call, that one email or letter or whatever. And I'm not going to pretend that it's not
somehow possible to pull out of the ether some miraculous combination of words that
could get your ex to come back together with you in one interaction, but it's probably
not going to happen. So, just be okay to just take it one step
at a time, instead of trying to say, "Okay, my ex doesn't like me. How can I talk to them
today to make them want to get back together with me this afternoon?" But instead say,
"Okay, my ex doesn't want to talk to me. What can I do to just move us one step closer?"
Maybe that's getting them to talk to me. Okay, great. They're talking to me. How can I actually
create a little bit more emotional depth? We can just move a little step closer that
way. Okay. What's the next step? How can we have another conversation that creates a little
bit more emotional depth and trust? Okay, great. Another step that way. How can we move
it a little bit closer? One more step, one more step, one more step until eventually.
Okay, great. Now we're back together. So start to, as they say, in the personal
development world, chunk things down a little bit so that you can start to look at the individual
steps along the way. And of course, don't worry about rebounds. I know that we're talking
about how to get your ex back when they have moved on and for some people moving on means
that, "Oh, my ex is now dating someone else, in a relationship with someone else."
But you know, for me, moving on is really about the emotional things that are happening
under the surface of like, "Okay, I'm not a total train wreck anymore. I'm emotionally
moved on from the breakup." But even if your ex is in a rebound relationship, don't worry
about it. We have had tons of clients who have gotten back together with their exes
when their ex has been in a rebound relationship. And it's definitely something you can navigate.
You just have to focus on the emotional connection. Focus on all the things that we've talked
about earlier on in this video. Focusing on the connection here rather than reviving the
past, making the interactions feel good, showing them that it's different, showing that they're
not walking back into the same relationship that they walked out of in the first place,
and of course taking it one little step at a time.
Anyway, hope that helps you out. If you like what we're doing on this channel, please help
me out by giving this video a thumbs up and by subscribing to this channel. And also if
you want to get on our email newsletter, the link for that is in the description box below
this video, you'll get that report, you'll get tips, strategies, advice, all that good
stuff, but thank you so much for watching. If you want to learn more about how to connect
with your ex on an emotional level, here is a video playlist on advanced relational skills.
Or, if you're interested in watching this video, it's right there for you. But anyway,
take care. I'll talk to you next time and I'll-