YOU
YOU ARE
YOU ARE NOT AT RISK? >> EXACTLY.
>> EXACTLY. >> --
>> --
>> -- >>>
>> -- >>> YOU HATED IT WHEN YOUR
PARENTS DID IT BUT SURE ENOUGH
YOU ARE PROBABLY DOING IT TO
YOUR KIDS RIGHT NOW.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT NAGGING.
>> BACK THIS MORNING TO TELL US
IF THERE IS ANY HOPE FOR
BREAKING THIS NAGGING CYCLE
THAT WE AS PARENTS FIND
OURSELVES IN, SERENA WHAT IS A
BETTER APPROACH?
BETTER APPROACH? >> ONE OF THE THINGS IS WE
ALWAYS YELL REQUESTS FROM
ANOTHER ROOM, JAKE GET ME THE
PAPER, DO I NEED TO COUNT TO
THREE?
THREE?
THREE? THEN WE START GOING ON.
>> NOBODY LIKES TO BE BARKED
ORDERS AT RIGHT?
HERE IS THE OTHER THING WE ARE
TEACHING OUR KIDS THAT THEY
DON'T NEED TO DO ANYTHING AND
THEN JAKE IS NOT GETTING THE
PAPER AND THEN YOU SAY I WILL
DO IT, HOW OFTEN DO WE DO THAT
ONE?
ONE?
ONE? THAT
ONE? THAT TEACHES OUR KIDS TO NOT
ONLY NOT WAIT AT LEAST FIVE
TIMES BEFORE EVEN RAISING AN
EYEBROW BUT IF YOU WAIT LONG
ENOUGH YOUR PARENTS WILL DO IT
FOR YOU RIGHT?
THEN WE GET MAD AT OUR KIDS
WHEN WE ARE THE ONES THAT
WORKED OURSELVES UP.
>> YOU SAY INSTEAD OF THAT ASK
A QUESTION, TURN IT AROUND AND
ASK A QUESTION.
>> WHEN WE ASK A QUESTION WE
ARE PUTTING CONTROL INTO THE
OTHER PERSON AND WHEN WE FEEL
CONTROL OVER OUR OWN ACTIONS WE
ARE MORE LIKELY TO COOPERATE.
WHAT IS YOUR PLAN FOR WALKING
THE DOG THIS AFTERNOON?
WHAT IS OUR AGREEMENT ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE SCREEN
TIME?
TIME?
TIME? THE
TIME? THE IMPORTANT WAY WE AS THIS IS
AGAIN NOT YELLING FROM THE
OTHER ROOM, GO IN AND MAKE EYE
CONTACT AND SAY THAT LOOKS LIKE
FUN BUT WHAT IS OUR AGREEMENT
OF WHAT HAPPENS BEFORE SCREEN
TIME?
TIME?
TIME? TAKE THAT MOMENT TO CONNECT
BEFORE CORRECT.
BEFORE CORRECT. >> HOW DOES THAT WORK?
>> WE ARE MODELING I RESPECT
YOU AND I AM GOING TO ASK YOU
TO DO THIS BECAUSE THE BOTTOM
LINE IS WE CANNOT MAKE ANYONE
DO ANYTHING. YOU MAY BE ABLE TO
FORCE YOUNG KIDS BUT WHEN YOU
GET TO THE TEENAGE YEARS GOOD
LUCK.
LUCK.
LUCK. WE
LUCK. WE WANT TO TREAT PEOPLE WITH
DIGNITY AND IF WE TREAT THEM
THAT WAY THEY ARE MORE THAN
LIKELY TO COME ALONG.
>> KIDS WANT TO FEEL OLDER THAN
THEY ARE.
THEY ARE.
THEY ARE. I TRIED TO TALK TO MY DAUGHTER
ON A CONTROL LEVEL.
>> YOU ALSO SAY LIMIT CHOICES
SO WHEN YOU ARE ASKING THE
QUESTIONS --
QUESTIONS -- >> THIS IS A TAG ALONG TO THE
QUESTIONS BUT ONE OF THE
PITFALLS IS SOMETIMES WE GIVE
THEM A LOT OF CHOICES, WE WANT
TO GIVE LIMITED CHOICES.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUT YOUR
SHOES OR YOUR JACKET ON FIRST?
BOTH OF THOSE ARE MOVING YOU
TOWARDS GETTING OUT THE DOOR
BUT IT IS GIVING THEM SOME
SENSE OF CONTROL.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO FOLD THE
LAUNDRY BEFORE OR AFTER DINNER?
NOW WE ARE GIVING THEM OPTIONS.
>> AS OPPOSED TO MAKE SURE YOU
FOLD THE LAUNDRY BEFORE DINNER.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT.
>> RIGHT. AT LEAST YOU ARE GIVING THEM A
LITTLE POWER IN THE SITUATION.
YOU HAVE TO BE OKAY WITH BOTH
OPTIONS.
OPTIONS.
OPTIONS. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PUT ON YOUR
SHOES NOW OR MAY LEAVE WITHOUT
YOU?
YOU?
YOU? YOU
YOU? YOU ARE NOT REALLY GOING TO
LEAVE SO THAT IS NOT A CHOICE
THAT IS A THREAT.
WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE DISHES
NOW OR AFTER YOU WATCH TV?
IF THEY SAY AFTER I WATCH TV
YOU WILL SAY NO AND AGAIN YOU
NEED TO GIVE CHOICES THAT YOU
CAN LIVE WITH.
>> WHICH LEADS US TO A THIRD
POINT WHICH YOU BRING UP WHICH
IS PICK A PATH BUT FOLLOW
THROUGH WITH IT RIGHT?
>> YES.
>> YES.
>> YES. SOMETIMES MAYBE WE HAVE ASKED A
QUESTION AND WE HAVE GIVEN A
CHOICE AND WE ARE NOT GETTING A
RESPONSE.
RESPONSE.
RESPONSE. INSTEAD OF WINDING OURSELVES UP
INTO THAT NAGGING PLACE WHERE
WE ARE NOT GETTING THROUGH WE
DECIDE WHAT TO DO.
BRUSH HER TEETH AND I WOULD
LOVE TO SNUGGLE UP AND READ
WITH YOU.
WITH YOU.
WITH YOU. WHEN MY DAUGHTER AND I WE WOULD
BRUSH OUR TEETH AND SHE WOULD
GIGGLE AND RUN OUT AND I WOULD
CHASE HER OVER AND OVER.
I WOULD NOTICE THAT THAT WASN'T
REALLY WORKING.
REALLY WORKING. THEN I SAID I AM SO EXCITED TO
READ TO YOU IT IS TIME TO BRUSH
TEETH, I AM GOING TO PUT AWAY
MY LAUNDRY YOU LET ME KNOW WHEN
YOU ARE READY.
THAT IS STEPPING OUT OF THE
POWER STRUGGLE.
POWER STRUGGLE. THEN YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH.
DON'T STAND THERE AND HOVER, GO
DO SOMETHING ELSE TO DISTRACT
YOURSELF.
YOURSELF.
YOURSELF. THEY ARE ACTUALLY MORE LIKELY
TO COOPERATE IF WE GET THEIR
ATTENTION ONCE CALMLY AND LEAVE
THE ROOM.
THE ROOM.
THE ROOM. >> WHAT DO YOU SAY TO PARENTS
TO FIND BEFORE YOU EVEN THINK
ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE
NAGGING IT IS COMING OUT OF
YOUR MOUTH THERE ARE SO MANY
MORE WORDS WHAT YOU ARE TELLING
US RIGHT?
US RIGHT?
US RIGHT? WHAT DO YOU TELL THIS PARENTS?
>> IS OKAY.
WE ARE ALL GOING TO MAKE
MISTAKES, I JUST APOLOGIZED TO
MY KIDS THIS WEEK BECAUSE THEY
SAID IT WAS SOUNDING LIKE I WAS
NAGGING.
NAGGING.
NAGGING. I SAID YOU ARE RIGHT.
HERE IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO
HAVE HAPPEN.
HAVE HAPPEN. >> SERENA YOU ARE THE BEST YOU
CAN READ ALL OF THIS AND