Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, Chapter 23
Mr. Pocket said he was glad to see me, and he hoped I was not sorry to see him.
"For, I really am not," he added, with his son's smile, "an alarming personage."
He was a young-looking man, in spite of his perplexities and his very gray hair, and his
manner seemed quite natural.
I use the word natural, in the sense of its being unaffected; there was something comic
in his distraught way, as though it would have been downright ludicrous but for his
own perception that it was very near being so.
When he had talked with me a little, he said to Mrs. Pocket, with a rather anxious contraction
of his eyebrows, which were black and handsome, "Belinda, I hope you have welcomed Mr. Pip?"
And she looked up from her book, and said, "Yes."
She then smiled upon me in an absent state of mind, and asked me if I liked the taste
of orange-flower water?
As the question had no bearing, near or remote, on any foregone or subsequent transaction,
I consider it to have been thrown out, like her previous approaches, in general conversational
condescension.
I found out within a few hours, and may mention at once, that Mrs. Pocket was the only daughter
of a certain quite accidental deceased Knight, who had invented for himself a conviction
that his deceased father would have been made a Baronet but for somebody's determined opposition
arising out of entirely personal motives,—I forget whose, if I ever knew,—the Sovereign's,
the Prime Minister's, the Lord Chancellor's, the Archbishop of Canterbury's, anybody's,—and
had tacked himself on to the nobles of the earth in right of this quite supposititious
fact.
I believe he had been knighted himself for storming the English grammar at the point
of the pen, in a desperate address engrossed on vellum, on the occasion of the laying of
the first stone of some building or other, and for handing some Royal Personage either
the trowel or the mortar.
Be that as it may, he had directed Mrs. Pocket to be brought up from her cradle as one who
in the nature of things must marry a title, and who was to be guarded from the acquisition
of plebeian domestic knowledge.
So successful a watch and ward had been established over the young lady by this judicious parent,
that she had grown up highly ornamental, but perfectly helpless and useless.
With her character thus happily formed, in the first bloom of her youth she had encountered
Mr. Pocket: who was also in the first bloom of youth, and not quite decided whether to
mount to the Woolsack, or to roof himself in with a mitre.
As his doing the one or the other was a mere question of time, he and Mrs. Pocket had taken
Time by the forelock (when, to judge from its length, it would seem to have wanted cutting),
and had married without the knowledge of the judicious parent.
The judicious parent, having nothing to bestow or withhold but his blessing, had handsomely
settled that dower upon them after a short struggle, and had informed Mr. Pocket that
his wife was "a treasure for a Prince."
Mr. Pocket had invested the Prince's treasure in the ways of the world ever since, and it
was supposed to have brought him in but indifferent interest.
Still, Mrs. Pocket was in general the object of a queer sort of respectful pity, because
she had not married a title; while Mr. Pocket was the object of a queer sort of forgiving
reproach, because he had never got one.
Mr. Pocket took me into the house and showed me my room: which was a pleasant one, and
so furnished as that I could use it with comfort for my own private sitting-room.
He then knocked at the doors of two other similar rooms, and introduced me to their
occupants, by name Drummle and Startop.
Drummle, an old-looking young man of a heavy order of architecture, was whistling.
Startop, younger in years and appearance, was reading and holding his head, as if he
thought himself in danger of exploding it with too strong a charge of knowledge.
Both Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had such a noticeable air of being in somebody else's hands, that
I wondered who really was in possession of the house and let them live there, until I
found this unknown power to be the servants.
It was a smooth way of going on, perhaps, in respect of saving trouble; but it had the
appearance of being expensive, for the servants felt it a duty they owed to themselves to
be nice in their eating and drinking, and to keep a deal of company downstairs.
They allowed a very liberal table to Mr. and Mrs. Pocket, yet it always appeared to me
that by far the best part of the house to have boarded in would have been the kitchen,—always
supposing the boarder capable of self-defence, for, before I had been there a week, a neighboring
lady with whom the family were personally unacquainted, wrote in to say that she had
seen Millers slapping the baby.
This greatly distressed Mrs. Pocket, who burst into tears on receiving the note, and said
that it was an extraordinary thing that the neighbors couldn't mind their own business.
By degrees I learnt, and chiefly from Herbert, that Mr. Pocket had been educated at Harrow
and at Cambridge, where he had distinguished himself; but that when he had had the happiness
of marrying Mrs. Pocket very early in life, he had impaired his prospects and taken up
the calling of a Grinder.
After grinding a number of dull blades,—of whom it was remarkable that their fathers,
when influential, were always going to help him to preferment, but always forgot to do
it when the blades had left the Grindstone,—he had wearied of that poor work and had come
to London.
Here, after gradually failing in loftier hopes, he had "read" with divers who had lacked opportunities
or neglected them, and had refurbished divers others for special occasions, and had turned
his acquirements to the account of literary compilation and correction, and on such means,
added to some very moderate private resources, still maintained the house I saw.
Mr. and Mrs. Pocket had a toady neighbor; a widow lady of that highly sympathetic nature
that she agreed with everybody, blessed everybody, and shed smiles and tears on everybody, according
to circumstances.
This lady's name was Mrs. Coiler, and I had the honor of taking her down to dinner on
the day of my installation.
She gave me to understand on the stairs, that it was a blow to dear Mrs. Pocket that dear
Mr. Pocket should be under the necessity of receiving gentlemen to read with him.
That did not extend to me, she told me in a gush of love and confidence (at that time,
I had known her something less than five minutes); if they were all like Me, it would be quite
another thing.
"But dear Mrs. Pocket," said Mrs. Coiler, "after her early disappointment (not that
dear Mr. Pocket was to blame in that), requires so much luxury and elegance—"
"Yes, ma'am," I said, to stop her, for I was afraid she was going to cry.
"And she is of so aristocratic a disposition—"
"Yes, ma'am," I said again, with the same object as before.
"—That it is hard," said Mrs. Coiler, "to have dear Mr. Pocket's time and attention
diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket."
I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butcher's time and attention
were diverted from dear Mrs. Pocket; but I said nothing, and indeed had enough to do
in keeping a bashful watch upon my company manners.
It came to my knowledge, through what passed between Mrs. Pocket and Drummle while I was
attentive to my knife and fork, spoon, glasses, and other instruments of self-destruction,
that Drummle, whose Christian name was Bentley, was actually the next heir but one to a baronetcy.
It further appeared that the book I had seen Mrs. Pocket reading in the garden was all
about titles, and that she knew the exact date at which her grandpapa would have come
into the book, if he ever had come at all.
Drummle didn't say much, but in his limited way (he struck me as a sulky kind of fellow)
he spoke as one of the elect, and recognized Mrs. Pocket as a woman and a sister.
No one but themselves and Mrs. Coiler the toady neighbor showed any interest in this
part of the conversation, and it appeared to me that it was painful to Herbert; but
it promised to last a long time, when the page came in with the announcement of a domestic
affliction.
It was, in effect, that the cook had mislaid the beef.
To my unutterable amazement, I now, for the first time, saw Mr. Pocket relieve his mind
by going through a performance that struck me as very extraordinary, but which made no
impression on anybody else, and with which I soon became as familiar as the rest.
He laid down the carving-knife and fork,—being engaged in carving, at the moment,—put his
two hands into his disturbed hair, and appeared to make an extraordinary effort to lift himself
up by it.
When he had done this, and had not lifted himself up at all, he quietly went on with
what he was about.
Mrs. Coiler then changed the subject and began to flatter me.
I liked it for a few moments, but she flattered me so very grossly that the pleasure was soon
over.
She had a serpentine way of coming close at me when she pretended to be vitally interested
in the friends and localities I had left, which was altogether snaky and fork-tongued;
and when she made an occasional bounce upon Startop (who said very little to her), or
upon Drummle (who said less), I rather envied them for being on the opposite side of the
table.
After dinner the children were introduced, and Mrs. Coiler made admiring comments on
their eyes, noses, and legs,—a sagacious way of improving their minds.
There were four little girls, and two little boys, besides the baby who might have been
either, and the baby's next successor who was as yet neither.
They were brought in by Flopson and Millers, much as though those two non-commissioned
officers had been recruiting somewhere for children and had enlisted these, while Mrs.
Pocket looked at the young Nobles that ought to have been as if she rather thought she
had had the pleasure of inspecting them before, but didn't quite know what to make of them.
"Here!
Give me your fork, Mum, and take the baby," said Flopson.
"Don't take it that way, or you'll get its head under the table."
Thus advised, Mrs. Pocket took it the other way, and got its head upon the table; which
was announced to all present by a prodigious concussion.
"Dear, dear!
Give it me back, Mum," said Flopson; "and Miss Jane, come and dance to baby, do!"
One of the little girls, a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely taken upon herself some
charge of the others, stepped out of her place by me, and danced to and from the baby until
it left off crying, and laughed.
Then, all the children laughed, and Mr. Pocket (who in the meantime had twice endeavored
to lift himself up by the hair) laughed, and we all laughed and were glad.
Flopson, by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch doll, then got it safely
into Mrs. Pocket's lap, and gave it the nut-crackers to play with; at the same time recommending
Mrs. Pocket to take notice that the handles of that instrument were not likely to agree
with its eyes, and sharply charging Miss Jane to look after the same.
Then, the two nurses left the room, and had a lively scuffle on the staircase with a dissipated
page who had waited at dinner, and who had clearly lost half his buttons at the gaming-table.
I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs. Pocket's falling into a discussion with Drummle
respecting two baronetcies, while she ate a sliced orange steeped in sugar and wine,
and, forgetting all about the baby on her lap, who did most appalling things with the
nut-crackers.
At length little Jane, perceiving its young brains to be imperilled, softly left her place,
and with many small artifices coaxed the dangerous weapon away.
Mrs. Pocket finishing her orange at about the same time, and not approving of this,
said to Jane,—
"You naughty child, how dare you?
Go and sit down this instant!"
"Mamma dear," lisped the little girl, "baby ood have put hith eyeth out."
"How dare you tell me so?"
retorted Mrs. Pocket.
"Go and sit down in your chair this moment!"
Mrs. Pocket's dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed, as if I myself had done
something to rouse it.
"Belinda," remonstrated Mr. Pocket, from the other end of the table, "how can you be so
unreasonable?
Jane only interfered for the protection of baby."
"I will not allow anybody to interfere," said Mrs. Pocket.
"I am surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of interference."
"Good God!"
cried Mr. Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate desperation.
"Are infants to be nut-crackered into their tombs, and is nobody to save them?"
"I will not be interfered with by Jane," said Mrs. Pocket, with a majestic glance at that
innocent little offender.
"I hope I know my poor grandpapa's position.
Jane, indeed!"
Mr. Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did lift himself some
inches out of his chair.
"Hear this!" he helplessly exclaimed to the elements.
"Babies are to be nut-crackered dead, for people's poor grandpapa's positions!"
Then he let himself down again, and became silent.
We all looked awkwardly at the tablecloth while this was going on.
A pause succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a series of leaps
and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me to be the only member of the family (irrespective
of servants) with whom it had any decided acquaintance.
"Mr. Drummle," said Mrs. Pocket, "will you ring for Flopson?
Jane, you undutiful little thing, go and lie down.
Now, baby darling, come with ma!"
The baby was the soul of honor, and protested with all its might.
It doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs. Pocket's arm, exhibited a pair of knitted
shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its soft face, and was carried out
in the highest state of mutiny.
And it gained its point after all, for I saw it through the window within a few minutes,
being nursed by little Jane.
It happened that the other five children were left behind at the dinner-table, through Flopson's
having some private engagement, and their not being anybody else's business.
I thus became aware of the mutual relations between them and Mr. Pocket, which were exemplified
in the following manner.
Mr. Pocket, with the normal perplexity of his face heightened and his hair rumpled,
looked at them for some minutes, as if he couldn't make out how they came to be boarding
and lodging in that establishment, and why they hadn't been billeted by Nature on somebody
else.
Then, in a distant Missionary way he asked them certain questions,—as why little Joe
had that hole in his frill, who said, Pa, Flopson was going to mend it when she had
time,—and how little Fanny came by that whitlow, who said, Pa, Millers was going to
poultice it when she didn't forget.
Then, he melted into parental tenderness, and gave them a shilling apiece and told them
to go and play; and then as they went out, with one very strong effort to lift himself
up by the hair he dismissed the hopeless subject.
In the evening there was rowing on the river.
As Drummle and Startop had each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them both
out.
I was pretty good at most exercises in which country boys are adepts, but as I was conscious
of wanting elegance of style for the Thames,—not to say for other waters,—I at once engaged
to place myself under the tuition of the winner of a prize-wherry who plied at our stairs,
and to whom I was introduced by my new allies.
This practical authority confused me very much by saying I had the arm of a blacksmith.
If he could have known how nearly the compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt if he would have
paid it.
There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we should all have enjoyed
ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable domestic occurrence.
Mr. Pocket was in good spirits, when a housemaid came in, and said, "If you please, sir, I
should wish to speak to you."
"Speak to your master?" said Mrs. Pocket, whose dignity was roused again.
"How can you think of such a thing?
Go and speak to Flopson.
Or speak to me—at some other time."
"Begging your pardon, ma'am," returned the housemaid, "I should wish to speak at once,
and to speak to master."
Hereupon, Mr. Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of ourselves until he
came back.
"This is a pretty thing, Belinda!" said Mr. Pocket, returning with a countenance expressive
of grief and despair.
"Here's the cook lying insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of
fresh butter made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!"
Mrs. Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, "This is that odious Sophia's
doing!"
"What do you mean, Belinda?"
demanded Mr. Pocket.
"Sophia has told you," said Mrs. Pocket.
"Did I not see her with my own eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just
now and ask to speak to you?"
"But has she not taken me downstairs, Belinda," returned Mr. Pocket, "and shown me the woman,
and the bundle too?"
"And do you defend her, Matthew," said Mrs. Pocket, "for making mischief?"
Mr. Pocket uttered a dismal groan.
"Am I, grandpapa's granddaughter, to be nothing in the house?" said Mrs. Pocket.
"Besides, the cook has always been a very nice respectful woman, and said in the most
natural manner when she came to look after the situation, that she felt I was born to
be a Duchess."
There was a sofa where Mr. Pocket stood, and he dropped upon it in the attitude of the
Dying Gladiator.
Still in that attitude he said, with a hollow voice, "Good night, Mr. Pip," when I deemed
it advisable to go to bed and leave him.
End of chapter 23